Rel said:
For the record, I feel very invested in your success or failure because you were one of my favorite ENWorlders before I met you and meeting you at GenCon only made me like you more. And that's not just because you let me help you kill that bottle of Scotch.
Thanks. That was a good time. Only nine months to go until we get to do it again (sadly, of course, that will also mark the end of the Year of Rel). And regarding the favourite people I've met through ENWorld, right back at you! People are coming from the 416 area code, looking forward to meeting you based on my recommendation. The lesbians quote has been shared with many.
Why are you so anxious after all these years? You're no newb at this rejection gig, fusangite. You've been (by your own admission) being rejected for YEARS. What's so special about the next girl that makes the prospect of her rejecting you more than boring? I'm not suggesting that being jaded is more attractive than being anxious...wait, yes I am.
It's a good question. I don't have a solid answer for this one. But the fact that I can't adequately explain it doesn't make it less true. I could theorize wildly (the main thing I do around here) and suggest that flooding as a method for neutralizing phobias usually involves showing people that something good can come from facing their fear, not just that something non-lethal can come from it. Being rejected is bad; it's just not as bad as a bunch of other things. From what I've read about consistent exposure to fears like water or heights, usually flooding strategies are centred around achieving some positive objective not just not dying.
Maybe you're simply too in awe of your targets (or the image of them that you've built up in your mind) to pull this off. If so then your solution is simple. You need to set your sights lower.
I've often said (though rarely around my wife) that if I had it to do all over again, I'd have dated (and probably slept with) a lot more marginally attractive girls when I was back in high school. I've learned about myself as I've gotten older that I find most women attractive. Not all girls are knockouts but I tend to see their best features and not notice their less attractive ones so much.
Same here. As one ages, the world just seems more and more full of beautiful women; doesn't it? But it appears that women who are 30lbs overweight and never dress nicely don't have, as far as I can tell, any different assessment of my attractiveness than hot 105lb 19 year olds. As I observed about my landlady in my first post, no matter how desperate a woman is, self-confidence does seem to be a pretty universal deal-breaker.
Were I in your position I'd probably join a dating service.
I did that 3 years ago. Gone out with a bunch of fat chicks, and a couple who were not, one of whom things actually looked promising with for a week or two. Or at least that was the case until a year ago. Standards seem to have risen dramatically; now women won't continue to correspond with me after 2 or more iterations of e-mailing, which is weird. Back home, 90% of women I successfully made initial contact with, I ended up going on a date with. Since I moved to this new city, even though I have the same profile, a better photo, and the identical correspondence style, the rate at which I can turn initial contact into a date has dropped from 90% to 3%. Literally. No exaggeration. I'm still trying to piece together what's gone wrong on this front.
As an aside, has anyone else noticed a sudden increase in women's standards on Lavalife?
Umbran said:
2)It is true that he may not succeed - either with a particular lady or in general. There's no mathematical certainty to romance. However, if he does not proceed as if he will succeed eventually, then he is doomed to always fail.
I'm with you here. Trying is a necessary condition but not a sufficient condition.
But I don't see Aaron's problem as being based around the dating thing at all. Something has caused him to start drinking heavily and lose contact with his friends; I think
that's the problem we should be focusing on here. It's very easy for these threads to devolve into attempts by more romantically successful ENWorlders to assist we less sucessful ones in that sphere. But I think it's a mistake to see Aaron's problem in this way at all. Guys who stop seeing their friends need to solve that problem first, before they can even think about more risky, emotionally intense kinds of relationships.
And, honestly, if he does his work right, and is actually a good person, then his chances are pretty good in the long run. Humankind has been doing this for aeons, after all.
C'mon -- where's the guy with all that statistical skill you display on other threads? What portion of the male population needs to be engaged in reproduction for that to keep going? I believe a significantly smaller proportion than currently are.
Anyway,
Aaron, please don't get bogged down in all the girlfriend stuff posted here. You have more serious issues to deal with -- but on the plus side, not only are these issues more serious, they are also easier to resolve. Bonne chance!
