does a nice, shy, meek guy have a chance in hell?

[Angel Tarragon]

And?

Well, I have a developing friendship with Mindy, but I got shot down by Rebecca.

 

[Rel]

Well, I have a developing friendship with Mindy, but I got shot down by Rebecca.

0 for 2, huh? Tough month.

 

[Mimic]

There is a big difference between an actual nice guy and the typical "nice guy"

Check out this small story to see the difference.

Actually take some time to read the site, it excells in telling you what an emotionally stable, confident women wants in a man.

Warning though there are swear words galore, these ladies don't beat around the bush.

 

[Viking Bastard]

Thank you Mimic for that link.

Very. Much.

I have people to send that too.

People in need of arsekickin'.

 

[Umbran]

But I think it is a real mistake to tell Aaron that if he keeps trying he will eventually succeed because (a) he will continue expecting that happiness is something that will come to him from an external source rather than something that will come from within himself and (b) not everybody who tries does make it in the end; I know it's a big part of American national mythology to peddle that idea but it's just not true; what Aaron wants is worth working for but not something that is guaranteed to people as some kind of entitled payoff for hard work.Rel, Rel buddy -- it's me! It's me! Ignore the strawman, talk to me.

I see it like this:

1) The statement "You'll succeed if you keep trying" is not equivalent to "it'll fall into your lap". The trying implies work on his part.

2)It is true that he may not succeed - either with a particular lady or in general. There's no mathematical certainty to romance. However, if he does not proceed as if he will succeed eventually, then he is doomed to always fail.

And, honestly, if he does his work right, and is actually a good person, then his chances are pretty good in the long run. Humankind has been doing this for aeons, after all. It seems like a great mystery, but it's also about the most natural thing in the world...

 

[Darth K'Trava]

Trueness.

However, one CAN be a nice guy and meet women. The trick is to balance respect and self confidence. People are attracted to confidence. People are attracted to those who respect themselves and others. But don't go so far as to become a doormat. Respect the feelings and beliefs of others, but don't compromise your own.

Works for me. Like a charm.

**DMCal, who has been called an anomaly by Teflon Billy for this.**

I can agree with this.

 

[Darth K'Trava]

I agree..... if you can make a woman laugh a lot and laugh hard, you're in.

I have a friend who's good at getting me to laugh at stuff and then say that it "made ya laugh".... He's not an open, emotional guy but he's funny to be around. And that counts for alot.

 

[Darth K'Trava]

From an email I got:

Many people, in seeking out love, tend to look outward rather than inward. Yet falling in love with yourself can be just as wonderful an experience as falling in love with someone else. While the idea of falling in love with ourselves may be perceived as conceited or selfish, choosing to fall in love with who you are is a powerful act of self-love.

When you fall in love with yourself, you can't help but experience a wonderful sense of discovery. You begin to look at yourself again through fresh eyes, becoming more attentive to the little details that make you so unique. Once you discover how much there is about you to fall in love with, you can't help but want to treat yourself as lovingly and respectfully as you would treat anyone who is special to you. You start to give to yourself more because you become more attentive to your own needs and desires.

Choosing to fall in love with yourself is a very personal process that takes time. There is no magic wand you can wave to make this just happen. But there is the magic of your intention and the power of your actions, whether you are taking the time to do the activities you like, speaking to and treating yourself with respect, taking inventory of all your wonderful qualities and accomplishments, or nurturing yourself with plenty of rest and self-care.

This is Rex Barker C.S. (Cupid's Sleuth) saying that when you fall in love with yourself, you begin to see yourself more positively, appreciate your unique outlook on life, and treat yourself in a more nurturing way. In loving yourself, you are acknowledging that you are special and deserving of love. Best of all, you are giving yourself one of the greatest gifts you have to give another. You are giving yourself the gift of your love.

 

[WhimsyTheFae]

I see it like this:

1) The statement "You'll succeed if you keep trying" is not equivalent to "it'll fall into your lap". The trying implies work on his part.

2)It is true that he may not succeed - either with a particular lady or in general. There's no mathematical certainty to romance. However, if he does not proceed as if he will succeed eventually, then he is doomed to always fail.

And, honestly, if he does his work right, and is actually a good person, then his chances are pretty good in the long run. Humankind has been doing this for aeons, after all. It seems like a great mystery, but it's also about the most natural thing in the world...

I have to agree here. I used to be a lap dog chasing girls as if they were goddesses (in fact, my wife still makes fun of me about the girl who I was chasing when she first noticed me). Many times, the woman will not let you know that they are interested. My wife is a perfect example of that. I flirted with her and she reacted in the same way as many women who I thought were interested, but refused my advances (they were either being nice or liked me as a friend). So, if I hadn't taken a chance at being shot down, I would never have dated and eventually married my wife.

So, go out - flirt - have fun - ask for a phone number - ask if she wants something to eat - ask if she wants to dance (if you can dance, that is, I avoid that one) - ask if she wants to shoot pool. Whatever, just try and socialize. Going out to eat is often safe type of initial date (it doesn't even have to be called a date). It gives you a chance to get to know her and her to get to know you, but keeps you in a safe public place (some women don't want to go on certain dates with people that they just meet). If things go well, then you can pursue a relationship. If things don't go well, then you can learn from the experience - did you do something wrong, was she the problem, was there no connection, etc.

Good Luck and Keep Your Chin Up -

 

[Impeesa]

Only one man can help you now.

--Impeesa--