Elven Flatulence

[Impeesa]

I have one word for Beano

Well don't just leave us hanging, what is it?

--Impeesa--

 

[BronzeDragon]

Forrester would be proud of this thread (though maybe not of the thread creator's screen name)...

 

[wingsandsword]

3. Paris Hilton would make a good elf. A really, really, really skanky elf. Who used Int as a dump stat. Big time.

That and she's only got aristocrat levels.

Is she from a campaign that used the Book of Erotic Fantasy maybe?

 

[Aeson]

Well don't just leave us hanging, what is it?

--Impeesa--

You haven't heard of Beano? Its a pill you take before eating that cuts down on the gas. They had a few different slogans but my favorite was "Beano before, quite after". I don't know why but I thought it was funny.

 

[Aeson]

3. Paris Hilton would make a good elf. A really, really, really skanky elf. Who used Int as a dump stat. Big time.

Can't fight it any more must say it. No Must resist. I'm to weak

Thats Hot!

 

[dave_o]

I'm a vegetarian, but given that I live in Southern California most of my diet is beans, rice, torillas, lettuce, cheese, and tomatoes. I, indeed, fart quite a bit but they are so scentless that no one ever knows.

That said, why haven't Elves created some sort of zepplin powered by their own natural gas?

PS: Obligatory not all vegetarians are pansies. In fact, I stopped eating meat so I could gain more muscle mass easily (with the advent of soy processing meat has become a very inefficient, though perhaps tasty, method of putting protein in your body -- it is rife with unecessary fats better gained through plant oils).

 

[palleomortis]

"Just like every rose has its thorn,
every Elf has her horn,
she eats some leaves, she eats some corn,
and lifts her cloak from dusk 'til morn..."


Or:

"Sit on my face, and tell me you're half-elven..."


Or:

"Beans, beans, good for your self,
The more you eat, the more you "elf"..."

-- N

So were these songs supposed to inspire corage, or fear?

 

[Vraille Darkfang]

Forrester would be proud of this thread (though maybe not of the thread creator's screen name)...

Hey!

What's wrong with my screen name?

(Other than the fact my initials turn out to be V.D.).

 

[Vraille Darkfang]

Ok.

Tip.

If you load up on Advil, don't forget about it & take some sleep aid medication before you go to bed.

Otherwise you might have thoughts like this before you go to bed:

1. If you cast Regeneration on a Eunuch Warlock; does he lose all his class abilities? "He casts WHAT? I get a Will save right? I don't want my **** back!!!!"

2. Step-by step guidelines to create your own half-dragons.

Step 1. Castrate yourself. (Your DM may institute a Heal check; on a 1 you screw up & Bobbitize yourself).

Step 2. Find an Illithid who can do those cool Illithid Grafts thingies, and who takes Adventurer's Express.

Step 3. Paint yourself the desired color of half-dragons you wish to create.

Step 4. Treat the Illithid to lunch. (Be sure to order Take-Out).

Step 5. Lure a young adult dragon of the color you wish to make your half-dragons to you. (Spam Telepathic Sendings about Mail-Order Princesses usually do the trick).

Step 6. Take the Dragon & the Illithid Line Dancing. Get the Dragon really wasted. (I recommend Everclear mixed with turpentine).

Step 7. Once the dragon passes out, have the Illithid harvest the 'required organs' (Don't worry, the Illithid will know what I'm talking about, I've already spoken to him via Astral Projection. His name is Willie & he thinks Shania Twain is still hot).

Step 8. Drop your pants (or open your robe, flip the kilt, whatever) & let the Illithid get to work. (Note: your previous garments may no longer fit correctly, and you will have to custom craft all metal armors, as 'normal' armors do not have sufficient room in the crotch for your newly-grafted 'upgrades'. Also beware Halfling monks fond of called shots.

Step 9. Allow 3-4 months for complete healing. Be sure to go to your follow up appointments with Willie to make sure your body doesn't reject the new graft.

Step 10. Stock up on Barry White CD's, Wands of Viagra, & start making them half-dragons.


Maybe I should read the labels of over the counter medications more carefully from now on.

 

[Vecna]

So, soon or later, we should expect an Elven Farter PrC in some future WotC book?