[ENboards Boston Feng Shui Game] Six in the Chamber II: HONG KONG BLOODBATH -UPDATED!

[Dr Midnight]

The usher makes an enraged face and kicks his foot out. His size 11 crepe-soled loafer flies out at Conaill's face.

(rolls 13)

Conaill barely bends back in time for the shoe to land harmlessly against the wall.

"Damn.. that was supposed to hit your face and bounce back onto my foot. It was SUPPOSED to look cool. Now it just looks stupid."

He sighs and readies for more action

 

[Dr Midnight]

LING LING smacks TSO over the head.

LING LING
You idiot! Your moron friends come over, which I didn’t want in the first place, and as a result, we are now burned down. I only thank the heavens you sent in the insurance papers like I told you to.

TSO
(eyes wide, a sheen of sweat on forehead) The… papers. Yes. Yes, thank heavens I sent them in.

With his left hand, he casually checks his left jacket pocket and feels the envelope there. He smiles the worst smile in the world at his fiancé, and giggles nervously.

CUDDLY JACK
That was a right donnybrook, eh? Bustin’ noses, smashin’ kneecaps… ahh, felt like the old days! Chai, didn’t you try to do somethin’ really cool just to see it backfire on ya LAST time we started fightin’ together, back in the hospital last year?

CHAI TONG
(pauses) Uh. Yes. Thank you.

BAZOOKA
(sadly) Nooo, I did it again. I blew up your restaurant. I’m sorry, Tso.

CHEF TSO
Well, it was going to happen eventually. And I don’t think YOU did it, this time… who was it?

Everyone looks at Grandma

GRANDMA
(indignantly) What?? Me? How dare you! (grimaces) It was an ugly restaurant anyway.

BAZOOKA
So what’s going to happen? They’re going to kidnap some scientist?

CHEN YAU
(brushing himself off) Yeah… the top neurobiologist in China, the Captain said. Sigh… I’ll almost miss that rude jerk.

BAZOOKA
The top neurobiologist in… oh no. I know him! His name’s Takahashi! He lives a few blocks from here.

CUDDLY JACK
Let’s go, mates.

They all pile into some… uh… vehicle or other and ARE OFF! They drive over to Dr. Takahashi’s house and knock on the door. A pretty woman answers the door.

WOMAN
Hello!

BAZOOKA
Uh, yes, hello ma’am. I’m a friend of Dr. Takahashi’s. Is he here?

WOMAN
Why, no, he’s not! He went to the carnival, with our daughter! That’s probably where he is!

BAZOOKA
I… see. The carnival, you say?

WOMAN
Yes!

She smiles a big toothy grin and twirls her hair. CUDDLY JACK and CHEF TSO are clearly very excited to go to the carnival. CHAI TONG attempts to calm them.

CHAI TONG
We are going to rescue a man from abduction, not make big noises and threaten the lives of innocent people.

CHEF TSO
I KNOW, but… c’mon! The carnival! So much to do, see…

CUDDLY JACK
…destroy…

CHEF TSO
Yeah!

CHAI TONG
Your western-influenced minds are weighed down with the useless confection of the action films used to dope you into submission. Not everything we come across has to resemble a scene from a Saturday afternoon TNT movie. You are boorish clods.

GRANDMA
This from the man who enjoys soap operas.

CHAI TONG
(patiently) My weekday soaps give me everything the mind needs to thrive on a story. Themes of love, betrayal, conspiracy, and evil twins. Your Pixy-Stix addled brain couldn’t begin to understand their value.

BAZOOKA
Which carnival did they go to? Which direction?

WOMAN
Ummmmmm…

BAZOOKA
C’mon, c’mon! This is important…

WOMAN
Gee, I don’t know! I’m just a trophy wife, you understand!

BAZOOKA
How about the Hong Kong Carnival? Is that it?

WOMAN
Yeah, that sounds generic enough! I think they’re calling it the… ummmm… the Hong KONG-nival! Isn’t that clever!

BAZOOKA
(disgusted) No. Let’s go, guys.

WOMAN
(waves from door) BUBBYE!!!!!!!

The group races to the Hong Kong-nival (which the studio named simply because “it would appeal to the 9-15 demographic”) and get out, rushing into the grounds. They’re stopped at the entrance by a bored teen selling tickets.

TEEN
Fifteen dollars.

CUDDLY JACK
What say I just walk in there past ya, mate? What y’gonna do about it?

TEEN
Fifteen dollars, please.

CUDDLY JACK
How ‘bout I give yer noggin fifteen wallops? How’s that? HOW IS THAT?

TEEN
(hands JACK a ticket) Enjoy your day.

They enter the fairgrounds. They begin to look around for someone matching the doctor’s description. They hear a roaring noise and look up to see CHEN YAU jump the gates with a motorcycle. The Japanese- made street bike flies high over the crowd in slow motion. CHEN YAU realizes he’s about to crash into a tent, and bails, grabbing at one of those little basket chairs swinging on chains nearby. A little girl in the chair giggles.

GIRL
You’re funny, you and almost fell!

CHEN YAU
(defensively) But I DIDN’T…

GIRL
You ALMOST did!

CHEN YAU
Nuh-uh!

GIRL
Yuh-HUH!

The chairs are lowered to the ground and YAU gets off. The others approach him.

CHAI TONG
Why didn’t you just walk in like us?

CHEN YAU
Urrgh… boring.

The group separates. CHAI TONG and LING LING head for the ferris wheel. GRANDMA and BAZOOKA make a straight line for the bumper cars. CHEF TSO drinks and collapses near the information booth. CHEN YAU ascends one of those big wavy yellow slides to get a better view of the grounds. CUDDLY JACK carries WILLY over to the “helicopters”, the things on big hydraulic arms that lift up and down.

CUDDLY JACK
Helicopter ride, Willy!!!

WILLY
(panicking) no no NO MORE HEL NO MORE HELIC NO MORE HELICOPTERS!!!!

CUDDLY JACK
(hops inside one with his squirming friend) Yeah, no more! This’ll be fun, Willy!

They begin to have fun, until they hear the little voice crying out that her daddy was just stolen by some mean men…

 

[Conaill]

Conaill glances at the name pin in hand.

You want this back, uhm... Guido? You don't mind if I call you Gigi, do you? Holds out the name pin, and just as he sees the usher start to reach out for it, Conaill throws it over the usher's head to Lela's boy-toy Sven Catch!

As the usher is distracted, Conaill drops down and...

...was planning to do something incredibly cool, if he hadn't been distracted himself by the screen coming jerkingly back to life again.

Mesmerized, he sinks down in his chair, momentarily forgetting the action around him

 

[Lela]

Sven, somehow holding all the pieces of the flashlight in one hand, catches the nameplate, flips his thumb across the pin release and flies it through the air to land squarely in the Usher's soft, yet muscular, underside. He (the Usher) howls in pain.


At the same time Lela, turning to Tsunami's new voice, calls out, "Will the offical Knights Fanboy title be on the line?" a cry of pain from some nameless 'innocent' spectator rings out behind her. "Oh, and before or after this guy kills Horacio?"

 

[Sniktch]

Sniktch runs back into the theatre with a fresh bag of popcorn in his hand as the intermission ends. He glances around and sees the action going on about the theatre, then scampers up the wall and takes a nice seat in the shadows of the rafters

"Sssilly man-thingsss misssing movie."

 

[Breakstone]

Tsunami prepares a top-secret kung fu karate move, and points again at Lela. "You know it. Come on over here and prove yourself!"

Tsunami uses Active Dodge

 

[Lela]

Dangit if Sniktch's post isn't an action post!

 

[Dr Midnight]

Oooh, Sven!

(rolls 17 - hit!)

the pin sinks into the usher's bum, and he yelps with pain.

"Oh, you're going to pay for that... with those pretty blue eyes of yours."

The usher sweeps his leg across the aisle, towards the lurker (known as RedDragnGokux13) sitting in that seat. The usher's foot misses the man entirely, but hits the target- the box of sour patch kids he was eating. The candy flies towards sven in a spray of gummies and blinding salty-sour dust.

(rolls 14 - hit!)

Sven shrieks girlishly as his eyes are dusted with blinding sour patch powder. "Lee-laaa!" he cries. "Ma ees, aya bleynt!"

 

[RedDragnGokux13]

Hey!

 

[Horacio]

Horacio smiles on the ground, his plan has worked, the movie continuated. But that Usher was too rude, he needed a small lesson. So Horacio puts his hand in his backpack and gets a glass jar labelled "carnivorous termites". Then while the Usher is distracted attacking Sven, Horacio jumps up, moves swiftly behing the Usher, take him from the belt and opens the jar, spilling the swartm of termites inside the Usher's pants...