Enworlds Funniest Critical Hits and Fumbles!

[Pants]

Back in 2ed, the PC's were fighting this huge mob of rats and I ruled that whenever the rats fumbled, they bit themselves. Since rats only had 1 hp and they did 1 damage, a bunch ended up killing themselves by biting their tongues.
I think, in the end more rats killed themselves than were killed by the players

 

[PowerWordDumb]

Most humiliating fumble ever...

This was in 2nd Edition, shortly after the releases of the Combat & Tactics and High Level Adventures books in the Player's Option line. My character - the heavily-muscled, completely min/maxed fighter who had spent all his weapon proficiencies on gaining high mastery in two-weapon style dual-battleaxe combat. I liked to think of him as 'The Cuisinart'.

Anyway, in a meaningless encounter with a couple of 1st or 2nd-level city guards who've had the bad luck to stumble upon our latest nefarious deeds, I decide that rather than simply launching into combat for the usual first-round total enemy death, that I'll have some fun with it. Remembering a bit in the books about performing a "Show of Mastery" by which I do a Conan-like weapon flourish to scare my enemies senseless before I dispatch them, I tell the DM my intentions and roll my dice. With my heavily-minmaxed combat skills, anything over a five on d20's would be success that would awe and terrify the useless guardsmen.

Roll..... Dual 1's!!! Not only did I completely screw up the show of mastery, but I fumbled. Roll on the fumble tables in use at the time, and we find out that I've critically fumbled. Move to the critical fumbles table, and roll again... My weapon-master fighter proceeds to chop both his legs off as part of his display of arrogance.

Lots of "I'm not dead yet, come back here and I'll bite you!" references later and some extended bouts of healing, my fighter learned his lesson and never again showed off when he could be efficiently killing. Years and many characters later and I still get ribbed over that one.

 

[Rassilon]

Way back in 2E, in the campaign that started my role playing career, myself (Human Druid) and the other leading light of campaign (Elf Mage/Thief) had acquired enough levels and experience to be kicking around Myth Drannor with some reputation. Although the players had pretty much stayed the same over this ~3 year campaign, the Elf and I were the only characters who had survived from day one.
We find a tome of ‘prodigious power’ in Myth Drannor, and when the Elf opens it, he is instructed to roll a save vs. spells. He rolls a 1, and is permanently blinded.
Confident in my colossal saving throws, I grab the book, saying “GIVE me that”, and of course, roll a 1. And am permanently blinded.

To this day, a chorus of “GIVE me that” goes around the tale if my group thinks I’m being a wee bit Stupid.

Rassilon.

 

[Aulayan]

Recent game that I unfortunately had to drop out of.

We encounter tons of Orcs in a canyon. My fighter gets enlarged, and proceeds to swing his battleaxe and miss the Orcs. He obviously was getting adjusted to his new height, as he kept pounding away into the canyon wall.

 

[astralpwka]

I was playing a Samurai, 7th level, and our group was facing a group of common street thugs. My samurai is mopping up his foes nicely until one of them rolls three 20's in a row. Not that big of a deal, I just really liked that samurai... It sucks to be killed so easily.

 

[DanMcS]

Me: "Burning hands in the mouth!"
DM: "WHAT?!?!?" (remember, this is 2ed - clorine gas)
Cleric: " HAHAHAHAHAHA"
DM: "OKayyyy" [rolls two saving throws, one for magic resistance - fails, once to see if the dragon realized what I was doing and held it's breath - FAILED.

The resultant explosion (in it's MOUTH) killed the dragon. Yeah, my tactic worked = except for one small flaw. I failed MY save and died in the explosion. Everyone ELSE saved and lived.

Funny story. Too bad chlorine isn't terribly flammable.

 

[jerichothebard]

2e, a long time ago.

I was playing the party's only cleric, a priest of the sphere of fire.

The party i was with was, shall we say, morally ambiguous? And also fairly low-level

At any rate, we get in over our heads in some dungeon, and the party thief/wannabe-assassin bites it.

Of course, we can't afford resurrection, so it falls to me to perform last rights.

How does a cleric of fire perform last rites and send a character to the afterlife? On a funeral pyre, of course.

So I built a fire, and am tending the body on it's way to the great beyond. Although we had ransacked his bags, I would not allow the others to take his personal equipment, reasoning he might need it in the next life.

So, the player of the dead theif turns to the DM, hands over his character sheet, and has a short, whispered conversation.

DM turns to me and says, "Are you attending the body by actually standing IN the fire?"

"Yes" (I am immune to normal fire and heat effects as a side effect of my faith)

DM: "Roll a fort save"

*roll* "4".

DM hands over the character sheet; points to notation about "12 vials of poison" strapped inside this guy's vest.

"They just vaporized into the smoke. You fall over dead."

"Which way do I fall?'

"Huh? Why?"

"humor me."

*rolls* "forward".


I say, "BOOM!"

"huh?"

handing over MY character sheet; pointing at notation about backpack full of Greek fire, bottles of moonshine, Roman candles, cask of pitch, 5 pound bag of flower, 5 pound bag of nails, flasks of lamp oil, bag of firesand, and so on.

DM looks at rest of party, battlemap where everyone is attending the funeral and getting warm near the fire, says, "BOOM!"

TPK.


sheesh.

 

[Macbeth]

Two players in my campaign are fighting a harpy. One of them, the fighter, uses a trident, which he had already thrown and got stuck in one harpy. The other character, a monk, decides to use the fighter as a springboard. He hastily communicates this, the fighter obediently shows his back as a jumping platform, and I rule that having somebody jump on your back must be a fairly strong force, Strength check. Natural 1. Both characters collapse prone on the floor, and proceed to be saved by the party rogue and her bow.

 

[BrooklynKnight]

2e, a long time ago.

I was playing the party's only cleric, a priest of the sphere of fire.

The party i was with was, shall we say, morally ambiguous? And also fairly low-level

At any rate, we get in over our heads in some dungeon, and the party thief/wannabe-assassin bites it.

Of course, we can't afford resurrection, so it falls to me to perform last rights.

How does a cleric of fire perform last rites and send a character to the afterlife? On a funeral pyre, of course.

So I built a fire, and am tending the body on it's way to the great beyond. Although we had ransacked his bags, I would not allow the others to take his personal equipment, reasoning he might need it in the next life.

So, the player of the dead theif turns to the DM, hands over his character sheet, and has a short, whispered conversation.

DM turns to me and says, "Are you attending the body by actually standing IN the fire?"

"Yes" (I am immune to normal fire and heat effects as a side effect of my faith)

DM: "Roll a fort save"

*roll* "4".

DM hands over the character sheet; points to notation about "12 vials of poison" strapped inside this guy's vest.

"They just vaporized into the smoke. You fall over dead."

"Which way do I fall?'

"Huh? Why?"

"humor me."

*rolls* "forward".


I say, "BOOM!"

"huh?"

handing over MY character sheet; pointing at notation about backpack full of Greek fire, bottles of moonshine, Roman candles, cask of pitch, 5 pound bag of flower, 5 pound bag of nails, flasks of lamp oil, bag of firesand, and so on.

DM looks at rest of party, battlemap where everyone is attending the funeral and getting warm near the fire, says, "BOOM!"

TPK.


sheesh.

I wonder where i read that before.

 

[alsih2o]

Amal

great screenname....