Enworlds Funniest Critical Hits and Fumbles!

[Xarls Taunzund]

I wasn't actually here for this one, but I've heard it several times and it is good. Among others there is a half-orc babarian/cleric and a human bard. The characters are in a situation where they can't quite close, but they aren't at a very long range. The raging barbarian runs out of ammo, reaches over grabs the smallish bard, and hurls her at the nearest enemy. Rolls - 20, Rolls to confirm - 20. DM - "You just criticalled with the bard!"

 

[Xarls Taunzund]

Recent game that I unfortunately had to drop out of.

We encounter tons of Orcs in a canyon. My fighter gets enlarged, and proceeds to swing his battleaxe and miss the Orcs. He obviously was getting adjusted to his new height, as he kept pounding away into the canyon wall.

And the great part with 3.5 is that Large critters, even large tall, have a 10'/10' base. Thats exactly what you want when fighting a horde, more surface area. I still thank the cleric for that.

 

[Hecateus]

Paladin and Green Dragon face off against each other!
rolling the same initiative, the both charge!

Poisonous bile dripping from his fangs, the dragon opens his mighty maw to snatch the Paladork from the grips of life. [rolls a 20]

Radiating the glory of his god the paladin charges forth on his trusty steed, +5 Lance... uh ...lancing towards the Dragon! [rolls a 1]

Olympic Pole-Vault judges:
"10, 10, 10, 10, 9.5"

dragon:
"hmm...a bit crunchy"

 

[jerichothebard]

I wonder where i read that before.

Game Mechanic's Boards. I'm jerichothebard there, too. - Emanicpator, right? (Your pic's the same)

 

[BrooklynKnight]

coulda swore i read that same event in a dragon editorial......*blink*

 

[Goddess FallenAngel]

"Fumble Bait"

My very first 2nd edition character (which also happens to be my very first character, period) was "Fumble Bait".

Everytime anyone in the party fumbled, I was the one hit. In one case, I was standing behind the rest of the party:

Player: "Darn, rolled a nat 1."
DM: "Roll percentile!" (A role of 85% or higher was 'hit ally')
DM, to me: "Okay, since you are behind the front lines, and one of the ogres is in-between you and the rest of the party besides, he has to roll a 00 to hit you instead of one of the other party members."
Player: *rolls dice - gets an 00*

She was the target of fireballs in the occasion of missed Tactics of Magic rolls, randomly bouncing lightening bolts, everything.

That was lots of years ago.

So, a few months ago, I need to make a character quick for another 2e game. I decide, what the hey, I'll remake my old 2e character. First game session: I get hit with 5 fumbles.

I think I'm cursed.

 

[Howling Coyote]

Our group was crossing a canyon using an improvised bridge, which was practically just a tight-rope. Actually it worked fine, until our loremaster started crossing, a natural 1.
Just in the nick of time before hitting the ground he managed to cast levitate. It wasn't over yet. He started levitating up, but just before he was safe the spell duration ended.
It gets better. One of the party members (paladin/fighter) downed our bridge (leaving our fighter stranded on the other side), and started climbing down to see if the loremaster was still alive. Guess what a natural 1.
So the result of the first session in our campaign was: Two at the bottom of the canyon dying, the party fighter on the other side being harassed by a weretiger, and my monk/druid starting to climb down to heal the folks at the bottom.

 

[Howling Coyote]

Here's another one. This time I was the GM.

The party was facing a long corridor, which they were almost certain to be trapped (true). This is how they decided to disarm it. The party rogue had the wizard cast on him every possible speed and reflex buffs, and he was going to run trough the corridor avoiding the traps.

Traps on the corridor included a crushing ceiling, trapdoors, and spears. He managed to run past everything, and jumping forward to avoid the last trap. At the last moment he realised he was speeding towards a closed portcullis. He fumbled his reflexes save to avoid the impact.

In the end we calculated that his speed at point of impact was about 260 km/h not including the speed increase from the fact that he jumped towards the portcullis at the last moment.

Lightning is also fun. The first spell the party wizard ever cast in the game was a lightning bolt. He fumbled it terribly and electrocuted himself.

 

[The Lone Badger]

In Exalted rather than D&D:

We were attempting to stop a Vecna-like Ancient Evil Guy from getting reassembled and returning to (un?)life. The various parts of his jade skeleton keep trying to put themselves together, the result of the succeeding would be a Bad Thing. Since we've collected several bones and don't want them to collect together, we get the shaman-type to try and strengthen the ancient binding spell on them.

Quintuple botch. ALL the remaining parts were gravitated to the mansion and assembled themselves into the BBEG. The party is currently on the run (and screaming).

 

[Piratecat]

1st edition. After killing Tiamat (I missed that session) and taking her baby dragons for her pets, we were walking through Hell. As we walked along the side of the Styx, we noticed a giant shark surface. It was Sekolah, God of the Sahaugin!

Ken (player): I shoot it with my longbow. (rolls a 20)

Joe (DM): (rolls a dice, consults chart) Instant hit to the brain. Instant death. You just killed Sekolah. Hang on, I'll figure out your XP.

Me: Well, that was easy. What treasure does it have on it? I search for its lair.

And that was that. I remember thinking that he must have been a really wussy god. Kind of funny after the fact.