Enworlds Funniest Critical Hits and Fumbles!

[Ghostwind]

I've told this one before, but I was running my group during a 2nd edition run through the Mines of Bloodstone. In one of the tests of Orcus, players must get past a sleeping terrasque. The party rogue uses a ring of improved invisibility to successfully sneak up on the creature, draws her Nine Lives Stealer and proceeds to roll a natural 20 ... twice.

The encounter lasted all of two minutes. Her ego is still somewhere around Jupiter because of that...

 

[Howling Coyote]

Here's a fun one. I once played a 1st-level paladin who challenged a senior knight from his paladin order to a test of combat prowess. The GM though okay you can try to win, but you don't have a change, since your opponent is an 8th-level paladin. After that statement I replied that I'll probably lose, but at least my proud paladin is going to put up a good fight.

The duel lasted 6 rounds. During the duel I made 4 critical hits (A total of 6 natural 20), and I only missed once. My opponent fumbled 2 times, missed 5 times, and those attacks that did hit did almost minimum damage, except for one of his attacks that really did hurt. In the end I beat his ass and I still had 1 hp left.

Imagine my GMs face at that moment; it was pure astonishment. Of course there was my REALLY big grin also.

 

[The Sigil]

SPOILERS (Sunless Citadel)

My favorite "Critical Hit" started out innocuously... but quickly became legendary in the group I was in.

We were running through the Sunless Citadel. I was playing a dwarven bard with a fixation on alchemy.

SPOILER ALERT!!!


















Our party ran into one of the goblin barricades... the ones with caltrops scattered betwixt the party and the barricade. The goblins started pelting our party with missiles. The rest of the party was without missile weapons, and so they started slowly and carefully navigating the hallway amidst the hail of missile fire. Annoyed, my first reaction was to pull the last flask of alchemist's fire from my belt pouch and hurl it at the goblins. The "to hit" roll was a little low, and the flask broke against the (wooden) barricade, burning down and, while not causing the barricade to go up in a conflagration of smoke, did start a slow, smoldering burn on the side closest to us.

I tried to use a flask of oil to "fan the flames" at the barricade. I rolled... a natural one. The oil flask dropped from my hand and shattered on the floor.

While the rest of the party gingerly made their way down the corridor, I examined my character sheet. On my next turn, I promptly announced that I was cutting my bedroll from my pack. While the DM and the other players stared at me incredulously, I informed the DM that I was going to start rolling the bedroll along the floor ahead of me as a "caltrops sweeper" - the caltrops would embed themselves in the bedroll and I wouldn't have to worry about stepping on them.

Two rounds later, after I had "swept up" several feet of caltrops, the DM rolled a "to hit" roll on the bedroll - rolled a natural 20 - informed me that one of the caltrops had managed to cut the tie that bound my bedroll up. He also joked at me that my bedroll was now soaked in oil (from the flask I had dropped on the floor). The rest of the party enjoyed a good laugh at my expense.

When my next turn came, I said, "I'm throwing the bedroll over the barricade."

DM: "What?"

Me: "Well, the bedroll is soaked in oil and it has caltrops and broken glass embedded in it and it's not rolled up any more - so it's no more good to me as a bedroll. I'm going to try to hurl it over the barricade, caltrops-side down, and just low enough so the "bottom" of the roll as I throw it lands on the still-burning barricade, while the rest of it "Swings over" the barricade to impale the goblins with caltrops. Oh, and since the barricade is still burning, I'll hope it catches fire, too, due to its being soaked in oil."

DM: "Did you take Exotic Weapon Proficiency - Flying Bedrolls?"

Me: "Nah, but that's okay, I'm having fun."

DM: "Okay, make a hit roll."

*I rolled a Natural 20.*

DM (jaw drops): "Um... roll to see if you confirm the critical threat."

*I roll a second Natural 20.*

DM: "Wow. Um. You fling the bedroll through the air and it lands just as you said, impaling and then burning the goblins beneath it. *a couple of die rolls* It then bursts into flames. *a couple more rolls* After a few seconds of shrieking, all is silent."

Me: "Excellent. I take the Flaming Flying Spiked Bedroll of Death and try to put it out." (By now, the rest of the party is laughing at my clever use of a "bad situation" to make a fun ending).

DM: "Okay, it's barely salvageable - it will never make a good bedroll now, you know... and there are two goblins "stuck" to it thanks to the caltrops and there's glass all through it."

Me: "That's okay. I take out some rope and tie it like a banner to my ten-foot pole - I'll chop a foot or two off the end of the pole and lash it together if I need to... basically, I'll make a banner pole in the shape of a "t" then tie the corners of the bedroll to make it stay unfurled. I'll parade it around in front of us as we march through the rest of this dank hole..." *uproarious laughter from all, including the DM*

Ever since then, my dwarf was known for the "Flaming Flying Spiked Bedroll of Death" (it helped that, being a bard, he was constantly singing about it, too).



--The Sigil

 

[s/LaSH]

First d20 roll I ever saw in 3E. I'd bought the books and decided to run a combat with my friend. He made a character, attacked some goblins with a scythe, and rolled a 20.

Cut two of them in half right there with Cleave. A great start, and one preserved for the ages in my webcomic. (That combat took on a life of its own.)

Then there was the not-exactly-fumble roll, which was still amusing. Take note: When the fighter's engaged in combat, and everyone else is lined up behind him in a narrow alleyway, do not attempt a cool-looking leap over the top of the fighter's head to get extra attacks. Even if you are a thief.

I mean, if you've read my comic, you'll see why I wouldn't complain about the inevitable result, but it annoyed the fighter no end after he picked himself back up and started looking for the guy he'd been fighting... they found him again, of course, ten miles away at the head of an army.

 

[Foundry of Decay]

Old 2e campaign. On one of the rare occasions I get to play a character, I decided to go with a Death Knight looking for redemption (This was 6th or 8th level.. Somewhere in there).

We had our motley crew together, and my Death Knight was able to finally get the group to trust him, and they were off to raid a far below ground dungeon of some sort.

After a brief scout, we found a large platform 'elevator' that would lower us down into the bowels of this place.

About mid way down, we hear noises above us, and sure enough, a group of kobolds stick their yippish heads out at us and start shooting arrows down upon us.

My knight hissed at the little vermin, his armor deflecting every hit. Soon, the suicidal creatures decide to draw their spears and leap down upon us.

My knight confidently gripped at his sword at his side, the first time it could be drawn. The first kobold missed, as did the second. Each of the lightly armored party members were missed.

Then one lunged down toward my knight... And scored a 20.

Still, how much could a Kobold do?

We were using a product called Arms and Claw Law, which detailed critical hits.

I recall that the percentile roll was '00', and much laughter from everyone else as I got a 'Skull destroyed, instant death' read to me.

That Kobold is likely a God now. He was the first one in history to kill a Death Knight in one poke.

 

[Jakathi]

green hags and magic missles

i was like ten. gods... like 17 years ago in the long ago stone age of d&D 1st edition. ahhh.... the fun.

it was me, my brother and my sister. my sister was the DM
I was a cleric/mage elf (i usually played the healer), my brother was a fighter something. And i was something like 1st or second level.

We were up against this green hag. Rolled a 20. Hag failed to save vs. spell. Hag died. yikes.

and there was this time we were up against an ooze of some kind.

I rolled a critical hit. The ooze lost its head.
Oozes don't have heads.

lol

 

[Rozman]

We were playing Rolemaster (source of the "Arms & Claw Law" referenced above.) Talk about a game full of tables...

You could acquire a skill called Spacial Location Awareness based on your Intuition stat. It functioned like ESP; you could mentally sense your surroundings.

Rolemaster (for those who don't know) is % based, and open-ended at each end. Roll 96+, then roll again and add. Roll below 05, roll again and subtract.

My Human Ranger had a highly developed sense of direction, but managed to roll a -43 on his check after the party got dumped into a pitch black tunnel.

The rest of the party had to work hard to convince him that he wasn't encased in solid stone...

--------------------------------------------

Another character in the same system (Dwarven Berserker) decides to charge on through the mysterious evil-looking wall of shadow seperating us from an imperiled party member.

One Depression critical later, and he had himself a nice little deathwish!

About the most approriate mental defect he could have acquired

And Yes, they had a Depression critical table...

---------------------------------------------

On the good side of things: with my human ranger, we once turned the corner into what we thought was a tunnel leading out.

Leading out into the ork & troll warrens, apparently.

A small horde of orks & goblins, accompanied by an olog-hai style Troll came through the door at the end of the hall and advanced upon us.

I make my peace with my gods, draw my bow, and pick the largest target. We didn't stand much of a chance, so I figure'd I'd try and go out with a bang.

*roll*

Hmm... 97

*roll again*

Oooh... 98

*roll again*...

Hubba hubba! 96

*roll again*

Darn, 85

Ends up being a total of like 440! The arrow has penetrated the eye (and subsequently the brain and rear of the skull) of the massive troll, and it topples over dead.

The rest of the horde boggles at the concept, decides that perhaps we aren't the easy meat they thought we were, and high-tails it for home.

No wonder everyone calls it "Deathmaster"

 

[Seule]

Rolemaster inspires cool critical and fumble stories, because of the cool flavour text on all the tables.
Anyway, my Rolemaster story:
I was playing a Dwarf Fighter, very good with a two-headed flail. I forget the name of the weapon, it's from Underground Races. Anyway, when you made an attack with this thing, you got two rolls, but with a penalty.
I rolled in one round... both attacks as fumbles. On the fumble check... one came up as 'slip, fly through air, land on your back' and the other came up as 'deal an E crit (the nastiest kind) to yourself'. I ended up flying through the air while staving in my own ribcage and landing unconscious on the ground. It was a glorious attempt, though.
Aah, Rolemaster. Thems was the days.

--Seule

 

[dpdx]

The Burning Plague, room just before the grand finale. I was DMing:

Me: Okay, Eekit (gnomish paladin), your turn. You are face to face with a kobold zombie.
Eekit's Player: I attack it with my hooked hammer.
Me: Okay, roll attack.
Eekit: 1.
Me: The weapon flies out of your hands and thuds into the entrails beneath the feet of your opponent.

Me: Okay, the kobold zombie attacks Eekit. [I roll attacks in front of my players.] Aw, , one. The zombie slips on those same entrails, and falls onto Eekit's weapon. (Roll, roll) It's dead, impaled by your weapon on the ground.

 

[NiTessine]

In my current campaign, there was an elven ranger called Chaledras. One time, he and the party's half-drow cleric Farazh were fighting, back to back, against the corrupt town guards in a narrow corridor of an inn. He deals two criticals to the guards against him, taking them both out. Then, he and the cleric run out, attempting to flee through the gates under the cover of darkness. The cleric botches a Move Silently check, and the gate guards notice them. They start running towards the heroes.

The ranger takes out his bow, and shoots the first guy. 20, 20... Instant death, arrow through the forehead. The next guy, he just kills with a critical.

Ironically, the same ranger later perished in a fight against a pulverizer automaton that rolled a critical hit against him, drilling him down to -21.

Last week, in the same campaign, the dwarf paladin coup de graced a fiendish, feral, half-illithid kobold sorcerer who'd tried to sacrifice him to Cthulhu and then eat the brains of the party barbarian and the halfling. 83 points of damage. Wheee...