Forget the Mule: Why Must My DM Restrict Chicken Ownership?

[Al'Kelhar]

Make that a mule carrying monkeys throwing chickens.

Bag of Tricks, DM-Battering

Level: Excessive
Price: As they say in the Mastercard ads
Awesome Item

This simple, leather bag produces animals that let you pwn the dungeon.

Power (Daily, Conjuration): Standard Action. Use this bag to conjure your DM's worst nightmare. Roll a d6 to determine which animal or animals is produced.
1: 2d10 rats, in a sack.
2: 2d6 puppies, in a sack.
3: Donkeyhorse (comes equipped with saddlebags, saddle blanket, 10'-pole, 2d6 pints of oil, and 3d8 lbs of soap).
4: Chimp that ate curry last night.
5: Huge chicken (Int 8, understands Common).
6: Roll twice on this table. Further rolls of 6 provide two more rolls, ad infinitum.

 

[Dannyalcatraz]

ISeriously, what does he think I'll do with four hundred fish hooks and twenty five pounds of lard?

Ask Led Zeppelin- they've done that one before.

 

[Dannyalcatraz]

Clearly, the optimal dungeon-delving package is a mule carrying a coop full of chickens.

Make that a mule carrying monkeys throwing chickens.

With wands of Magic Missiles on their frickin' heads!

No, I'm not being indefinite with my use of the pronoun "their": I mean on the donkeyhorse, on the monkeys, and on the chickens!

CRY HAVOC, AND LET SLIP THE DONKEYHORSES, MONKEYS, AND CHICKENS OF WAR!!!

(but no War-Kittens- that would be silly and anachronistic)

 

[Bluenose]

Fine, you can have your chickens.

But you get to clear up behind them. What's your Profession (Chicken Coop Cleaner) skill like?

Edit: That of course should be Profession (Chicken Wrangler)

 

[Someone]

That tactic is too dangerous. You're imposing an incredible selective pressure on chicken: only the toughest, luckiest and smartest fowl will survive the trip. In a few generations the races in your campaing world will be fighting for their lives against hordes of clever, virtually immortal superchicken, possibly atomic.

 

[Hand of Evil]

(but no War-Kittens- that would be silly and anachronistic)

But War Kittens are cool: Viking Kittens - Joel Veitch rathergood.com music - Led Zeppelin - Immigrant Song

 

[Rogue765]

To the original question "Why must my DM restrict chicken ownership? The answer comes down to just three words....


Seven Billion Chickens!!!

 

[TarionzCousin]

It seems that "Animal Handling" finally became a viable skill.

 

[Dannyalcatraz]

That tactic is too dangerous. You're imposing an incredible selective pressure on chicken: only the toughest, luckiest and smartest fowl will survive the trip. In a few generations the races in your campaing world will be fighting for their lives against hordes of clever, virtually immortal superchicken, possibly atomic.

ATHF, anyone?

 

[Hussar]

Fine, you can have your chickens.
/snip

Profession (Chicken Wrangler)

I'm well on my way to becoming a professional chicken wrangler...

Ah'll be in muh bunk.