Forget the Mule: Why Must My DM Restrict Chicken Ownership?

[wolfpunk]

Just cast enlarge on a few and spook them in the right direction.

Another example of fowl magic at work.

 

[El Mahdi]

That tactic is too dangerous. You're imposing an incredible selective pressure on chicken: only the toughest, luckiest and smartest fowl will survive the trip. In a few generations the races in your campaing world will be fighting for their lives against hordes of clever, virtually immortal superchicken, possibly atomic.

...with freaking lasers on their heads!

 

[Dragonbait]

Have you ever played the Zelda games? Clearly the designers of D&D have and they realized chickens are deadly muthaf'ers. Don't mess with them and that's why they are not in the core rules.

 

[broghammerj]

Bah chickens.....No give me turkeys. More skittish, uglier looking, with more hit points.

 

[El Mahdi]

View attachment 45093

 

[Dannyalcatraz]

Bah chickens.....No give me turkeys. More skittish, uglier looking, with more hit points.

TURKATRON!

 

[Dannyalcatraz]

FWIW, if I were playing in a chicken-centric campaign, I'm pretty sure I'd model my PC on Buckethead.

 

[Orius]

I've given him the dungeon master equivalent of post-traumatic stress disorder. Now I just ask him if my character can buy the most random things just so I can see his eye twitch. Seriously, what does he think I'll do with four hundred fish hooks and twenty five pounds of lard?

Any DM worth his salt knows that any oddball equipment list purchase (basically stuff that goes beyond the normal gear like backpack, bedroll, rope, iron rations, 10-foot pole, door spikes, lanterns, oil, and waterskin) is the result of the players being up to no good again. Livestock is always serious trouble (usually used as fodder for dungeon traps), but fishhooks and lard is definitely suspiscious too.

Clearly, the optimal dungeon-delving package is a mule carrying a coop full of chickens.

Or as it's known these days, a Donkeyhorse with caged Eggspawn Fowl.

 

[Clarabell]

Omg this sounds like something i once thought of:

"Is that thar chicken for sale good woman?"

"Ummm...yes..."

"I'll take it!"

...

...

FOOM!

Roll strength check....nat 20

The now flaming chicken goes sailing over the wall and hits a thatch roof cottage. The flaming chicken runs around and sets...*roll* 7 more houses on fire before it dies. The fire spreads. Good job. You just single handedly destroyed the capital...

 

[Olgar Shiverstone]

I find to keep chickens from becoming overpowered, the DM must closely restrict access to Melf's Marvelous Sauce spells.