Funniest Thing That PCS Have Done/Said

[Nyaricus]

1) Evil Campaign in Forgotten Realms, with a new player who just got added in. His name was Steve, and he was playing a half-elf ranger who hated both elves and humans. So, to introduce him, I had him come into a battle the other PCs and some gnolls were having and he was to shoot some down. He does so, and when the battle is over, he goes over to the other PCs.

Now, in RL, this guy is a baby-faced 16 year old with blue eyes and blonde hair and is... a little strange, I guess. Like, he's not all there - really smiley and all. Now remember, evil campaign here, and no one (not even me, the GM) knows his name. Steve, in RL, saya "I walk up to the other people and say, "Hi, I'm Himo!" with this huge RL grin on his face and a huge wave. It was one of those "had to be there" moments, but it left the entire group in stitches with his exuberence and enthusiam. It was just so unexpected and out of place, and it was great.

2) There was also the line of, "I wanna go pick a fight."
I say, "okay, how are you going to do that?"
He says, "I'm going to ask orcs math questions!"

And Rolzup, that was f'n hilarious man

 

[Kid Socrates]

One player in my game plays Kogel, a gunman from an island burned by the Donnerich Navy thirteen years ago, and Kogel is the sole survivor, having fled the island the day before at the age of eight thanks to his mother. The island was just home to a tiny fishing village, and its existence was promptly wiped out, and the island's location lost to history. About twenty sessions in, I start dropping hints that someone else survived the massacre, and then delve deep into the backstory behind it. One step was to spread rumors in the bounty hunter community that there was great treasure on a mysterious ghost island located at these coordinates, and then send them there. Kogel caught word of this, and set about convincing the party to accompany him there and stop these money-grubbers from desecrating the home he once had as a child.

What he actually SAID, though, in a completely dead-serious voice, was this.

"It's the island that nobody knows where it is... except that some people do."

 

[Sejs]

Player: Wait a second here. Why are we looking for their son in the sunless citadel?

--

DM: As you turn down the alleyway, you see two men standing on eachother's shoulders.
*dead silence at the table*
Player A: Wait, on eachother's? Don't you mean one standing on..
Player B: We're up against Cirque de Soleil! Run for your life!

--

Player: *takes out a large roll of cured hide and presents it to the cobbler* We need your help - somebody stole out boots and sewed them into this dragon.

--

Player A: He broke a bottle on my FACE?! That little bastard! I take out my bootknife and stab him!
Player B: Ack! No! Don't! We're supposed to be here as diplomats!
Player A: Fine, I take out my bootknife and stab him politely.

--

*in a hit and run battle against an evil genie who can create illusions and modify your memory*
Player: *finally catches up to the genie atop a ruined building while the rest of the party tries to catch up* Aha! Finally, I've got him cornered up here.
DM: *genie's turn comes up, checks his notes, rolls a will save for the player and gives him the 'your memory's just been screwed with' Significant Stare* Other way around.
Player: *doesn't miss a beat* Holy crap! He's got me cornered up here!

 

[Zelligars Apprentice]

Heard after a battle where a PC dies:

"Why are we wasting the resurrection on the dead guy?"

This stops the game for about 10 minutes (the player of the "dead guy" was the only one not amused).

 

[sniffles]

Player A: "I prestidigitate the log."
GM: "Wow, that's the cleanest log I've ever seen."
Player B: "I mend the log and it turns back into a tree."

Player 1: "Justice waits for no man."
Player 2: "Nor does lunch, apparently."

The party has a dwarf PC who now has over 200 HP, but he'd suffered a loss of almost 80% of his HP in a bar fight.
Paladin's player: "I utter a short prayer to my god to heal this vessel and the dwarf gets 30 HP back."
GM: "And your god says this vessel is only a quarter full!"

The party was fighting an extraplanar monster that had emerged through a planar portal. The monster grabbed one PC's mace and we thought it had taken the mace back through the portal when it retreated. Then an NPC appeared through the portal.
Player: "Does he have (other PC's) mace?"
GM: "He does not."
Player: "Throw him back!"

Player 1 is considering whether his PC is armed. His cleric PC had just been providing healing to the dwarf (see above), who tends to resist being healed until he's really low on HP.
Player 1: "I probably had the wand out to heal the dwarf."
Player 2: "But you might have had your mace in your other hand to pacify him first."

A new player has just introduced his PC into the campaign:
Player 1: "I want amnesty with your group."
Player 2: "That's fine. My homunculus outranks you, though."

 

[Silver Moon]

I've told this one before, but it's worth repeating:

The single funniest moment in our gaming group wasn't a gaming situation but rather a snack at the table. In our household my wife and I can never agree on milk, as I prefer the taste of whole milk or 2% while she goes for the healthier skim milk. Consequently, whenever either of us uses milk in a recipe we use the kind that we prefer ourself.

One game night a few weeks after our daughter was born she cooked up a batch of brownies for the weekly game. After they were served the group began to devour them, complimenting her on how good they tasted. She then said "And they're even healthy for you, because I made them with my milk." As everyone began to either gag or spit out their food she realized what she had said, and quickly explained that she meant skim milk.

 

[Dagger75]

After the Thief was slighted by a minor noble.....

Dwarf: "Are you planning on robbing him."

Thief: "Nope, his gear is already forfiet, I am deciding whether he lives or dies now."

 

[Merkuri]

I guess you can count this as a funny thing a PC did, but technically it was the DM that said it. In our WLD game, which we play over OpenRPG (basically, a chat client made for gaming), one of our characters once got a +4 bonus for porn.

The DM was listing off bonuses, and made a typo for "prone" since his opponent was lying on the floor. The transcript went thusly:

(1750) DM: Kenesh is at +4 for aid, +4 for porn +2 flank +1 bless
(1763) Theseus: ((+4 for porn!))
(1751) Kenesh: ((.....+4 for porn?))
(1759) Jiru: ((porn???))
(1754) Quarion: ((porn? ))
(1750) DM: BOTH HIT
(1759) Jiru: ((best typo ever! ))
NEXT UP FOR THE KILLING:
2: (17) Nerim's turn

** (1755) Nerim Lestat laughs at the flaming rat, her cynical side coming out after igniting him and beats him senseless **
(1763) Theseus: ((I wish i had +4 for porn...))
(1754) Quarion: ((what was that even supposed to say? o_o))
(1759) Jiru: ((ROTFLMAO))
(1759) Jiru: ((prone, I'm guessing))
(1750) DM: (( prone ))

 

[Sejs]

Heh, well now I've got "the Internet is for Porn" stuck in my head, Markuri. Thanks.

*singing to himself ... to hit bon-us is for porn..*

 

[Arashi Ravenblade]

Ok this was back in 2004 and i was running a FR game.
The Pcs' had got into a jail house to rescue a friend and there was a long corridor, and at the end they could see light. As they got closer they noticed, as well as heard two gurads sitting in chairs at opposite sides of the doors with their backs to corridor.
One of the Players asked another player if he could have two gold coins. The player protested at first and then i started to laugh to myself (i had a feeling i knew what he was doing). he rolled the two coins so that they would land near the guards feet.
When the coins landed they saw a foot for each coin slide over and pull the coin towards them, and then the guards suddenly fell asleep.
I thought it was the funniest thing ever and had to let it work.
So they go the main room with the now sleeping guards.
One player notices that the locks are too good to pick and the group starts to plan what to do next all the while the two guards are faking to be alseep. Then one of the gaurds makes a sounds as if its a mix between a cough and snore, and he points at the keyso n his belt.
Then one of the players drops another coin near the chairs and i have the jailer move in such a way that he loosens the keys and they hit the floor.


That was probably one of the funniest things we have seen.

Another was when i was playing and i was arguing with our captor. Some ugly orc. and out of the blue i Just looked at the Dm described my stance and said "you look like a booger" to the Orc. The group lost it and the Dm was so speechless he said the orc just walked away. turned out he was so speechless because he didnt expect such a childish comeback to our bantering back and forth.