Funniest Thing That PCS Have Done/Said

[Storyteller01]

In an old starwars campaign: we had docked on a planet and left the ship. For no reason what so ever, the annoying squib turns around and pushes a button on a remote.

Now picture a heavy modified stock ligh freighter thats been through hell, falling apart, in desparate need of a wash, among other far more servicable ships chirping and blinking lights twice.

Guess you had to be there...




Running a 2nd ed adventure: It was a pre-made Dungeon adventure for 1st level players. It consisted of the group helping a druid whose land suffered from an active well of world left behind by a vindictive mage.

The story story-a biker came through the well, and we had to get him back home. We ended up creating an oil that could send him home. Problem is, he wouldn't use it (not understandable, givem his trauma).

How'd we solve this? We had the resident 18 Cha Swanmay in the party 'coerce' him into using the oil. Fortunantely, the swanmay was played by a 27 year old Texan male who made the greatest faces when the DM, in great detail, described what happened...



Current campaign: The players break into a camp, freeing all prisoners in hopes of causing discord while we look for their target. The Trollkin Fellcaller decides to inspire confidence on these poor souls so they can better free their friends.

Said trollkin has now been dubbed 'The Yodelling Angel', and his reputation is spreading...

 

[Lord Pendragon]

Our group defeats a number of steam-powered, zombie/construct creatures, and aren't sure whether it's fully automated, or merely some kind of cyborg. The DM describes the creature has having two large tears in its outer armored shell.

The cleric then decides to examine the thing to try and determine its nature. He checks one of the wounds but cannot learn anything useful, after which, with a completely innocent and oblivious expression, he says:

"I go for the other hole."

It may be that our gaming group is just dirty-minded at times, but we couldn't stop laughing, much to the cleric player's confusion. And we still make reference to the cleric's tendancy to "go for the other hole" to this day.

 

[Ankh-Morpork Guard]

Player A: He broke a bottle on my FACE?! That little bastard! I take out my bootknife and stab him!
Player B: Ack! No! Don't! We're supposed to be here as diplomats!
Player A: Fine, I take out my bootknife and stab him politely.

That's amazingly similar to something I've seen in one a Star Wars game I ran not too long ago...but it was more of...

A: "Look, that man just made a fool of me in front of the entire senate. I'm going to shoot him."
B: "There are guards everywhere, you don't even have a blaster on you, and all the senators are watching. Besides, we're here to negotiate."
A: "Alright. Then I'm going to stab him in the back when no one's watching."

 

[Wik]

Way back in the final days of 2e, we took on a new player. This guy really wanted to be a mage, even when we told him that mage's aren't really a good "learner" character. (this was, actually, his second character, but whatever) But, he made a mage... and, using Skills and Powers, this mage had proficiency with the longsword. Which was a dumb mistake, in hindsight.

Over the next couple of hours, this player was constantly trying to be the hero. When the group was running from worg riders, the "mage" drew his sword to fight. Of course, the rest of the group had to fight because of this, and promptly fell into defensive positions around this mage who really wanted to be a frontline fighter. Finally, one player quietly asks "Hey, aren't you supposed to be, like, CASTING something right now!?"

To no avail.

Worgs down, the group hides in the bush from orc patrols. And then, they come across an orc camp. The thief, knowing scouting is his strong suit, declares that he wants to scout the camp out. I've had this planned, and start running a quick scouting mission while the rest of the group watches on from a small outcropping. Until, a few minutes of real time later, the mage decides to "help" with the sneaking ("Hey, it says I have 'stealth' on my character sheet, right?"). So, the mage creeps down, and everyone in the group suddenly gets VERY nervous.

The mage quickly sneaks into a tent, and finds a small cot (as well as some treasure!). But, some orcs come in, and quickly discover the mage.

The group watches in delight as a gang of orcs quickly drag the mage out of the tent. Does he try to cast any spells? No. He goes for the longsword, and he is quickly disarmed. Then, the orcs take turns punching and kicking him.

"Hey, guys, aren't you going to help me?"

"Nah, you're pretty much useless. Hey, rogue, he left his spellbook in the tent. Why don't you grab it, so we can sell it someone who'll actually cast spells?"

So, the rogue quickly loots the camp while the orcs are busy beating the mage to a bloody pulp. It was all great fun.

 

[Kwitchit]

2 from l5r:
GM speaking as a peasant boy who's obsessed with samurai (and turns out to be one, but that's another story): Is it true that the Lion have no fear?
Lion player: Yes
GM: Is it true that the Crab kill Oni every day?
Crab player: Only on the Wall, there are no Oni here.
GM: Is it true that the Unicorn sleep with their horses?
...

And in another campaign, set in the beginning of the Four Winds era:
Miya Herald: The Righteous Emperor, The Son of Heaven, Toturi I is dead!
My character: Oh no, not again!

 

[Brimshack]

We were in the middle of a very tense game, plotting strategy against a major enemy. There was a real chance the entire party would be killed, and so we decided to try a Commune spell (1st edition D&D). If I remember right, the player got 1 yes or no question per level to ask his god, and te spell was not repeatable. The God was evil, and we were really concerned that we might not have enough questions to get the necessary information about our upcoming confrontation. So, naturally the second question asked of the god is, "will it be cool?"

 

[Kae'Yoss]

Where to begin....

We're looking for Red Wizards in a city (not in Thay). A cowled guy makes us follow him into an allway. He then reveals his tatooed, bald head, and as we show signs of trying to attack him, he says: "Yes, you can kill me, but you'll never find out what I know!"

My character just repied: "My friend here's a cleric. They can speak with the dead."

That shut him up.



Then there was the villain, confronting us, in the intention to taunt us and then unleash his brute on us.

"You're looking for the one who kills your people? That would be me. Well, not directly me - I don't get my hands dirty. What does one have minions for. This guy here, for example, has over a dozen marks on his blade - he doesn't have a blade, he fights with his claws."

To which our Bladesinger replied: "Oh, I see, you're a rhetorician".

Thus began our great career of making fun of villains, ruining their grand entrance / exit.

It continued when another villain talked down to us (literally) from a rooftop. His self-righteous blathering was interrupted by a short period of ROTFL (courtesy of my Tasha's Hideous Laughter).

In that same campaign, the priestess (one of those eilistraeen priestesses running around with very little clothes on) wanted to search some old walls for secret switchs or whatever. She asked my character if I could lend her his longspear, and he did so. She then said: "I put that spear in whatever hole I can find." To which my character replied: "Ugh, now you can keep that spear." After the player realized what he just said, it was too late.


There was the evil campaign where we put love songs into an unholy book of Bane, the god of Hatred. We later defeated his Chosen, put his soul in a yellow gem, and tossed it in our toilet.

At the end of that campaign, our wizard power word killed his familiar, who was really an imp telepath (another player's PC) making him think he was the familiar, and mind controlling him all the time. Guess he wasn't good enough at keeping secrets.

I guess using flesh to stone on enemies and using them as hat stands doesn't count. Too normal.


Another one was more a player thing, but funny still. Party was attacking some enemy with DR, and they were a bit short on magic weapons they could use. So they looked over their sheets to find forgotten swords and the like.

One player found something: "I have a +1 handbrake!"

"Uh, I mean, hand crossbow"

 

[librarius_arcana]

DM: As you turn down the alleyway, you see two men standing on eachother's shoulders.
*dead silence at the table*
Player A: Wait, on eachother's? Don't you mean one standing on..
Player B: We're up against Cirque de Soleil! Run for your life!

LOL, that with the image in my head, LOL

Thanks dude

 

[Kae'Yoss]

She then said "And they're even healthy for you, because I made them with my milk." As everyone began to either gag or spit out their food she realized what she had said, and quickly explained that she meant skim milk.

That is frikkin' golden forever!

 

[Lalalei2001]

My character got into a fight with a demon. He lost, and the demon turned him into a penny. A kid found the penny, spent it, and I am now trapped in a candy machine.