Funniest Thing That PCS Have Done/Said

"Is it like a hive? Is there honey in it? How many bees does it hold?"

New player on being warned the group might encounter a beholder . . .
 

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All my players are fairly new so this explains why he said it I guess.

Me "You all stand infront of the Tavern The Starving Stirge"
Krusk"I check for traps"
*rolls 19*
Me"You only find a simple door, kind of worn out"
Krusk"I roll again"
*rolls till he gets a 20*
Me "You find a door"
 

one of our players interrogating a sorceress about an arrested criminal who was a cannibal and was poisoning a town as a request from a female sorceress (who we have finnaly found out who is)

player: so, do you have a...cannibal?
 

My own recent example

In my most recent game, a situation had come about where an unusual exchange of dialog had taken place. But first, the frame of reference.

Eberron campaign setting, in the kingdom of Thrane.
Thrane is a theocracy populated by bigots.
My character was a changling (a race subject to Thranian Bigotry)
My character had been impersonating a preist
My character had also recently desecrated an ancient alter, thereby reactivating a mechanism that spawned large quantities of undead.

Agents of the government had tracked our party down to an in, and started asking after the where abouts of my characters 2 most recently used aliases. A party member alerted me, and I was about to leave. I had taken the persona of a beliggerant half orc warrior.

The inquisitor recognized me via some magical means, and had me dead to rights. Being in character, I denied being who I was, and refused to stop, while uttering very rude insults. As I walked to the door, they insisted I stop, and I refused. The critical exchange was this:

Me: Listen, (expletive), your (expletive) accusations are groundless and if you want to deal with this, will do it outside.
Inquisitor: I said sit down. Now are we going to do this the easy way, or the hard way
Me: I think I have made my choice obvious by now. (To Dm: I step towards the door)

This lead to me being shot at by an archer. Archer scored a critical, and after I reminded the DM that a bow did x3 critical and not x2, I was left with one HP. It was judged that the arrow drilled my foot and pretty much nailed me to the floor.

Me: Very well. I have reconsidered your proposal to discuss this matter.

I was certaintly willing to discuss this matter with them. But I insisted on being disrespectful (I was still insisting I was Rourc the beliggerant half Orc, rather than Jack Blackblade, a Changling Rogue). This was certaintly in character for the situation.

Inquisitor: Ok, now sit down so we can discuss this.
Me: I prefer to stand rather than sit with a walking crap sack.
Archer: Sit down or I will put the next arrow into your face.
Me: I would very much like to see that.
THOCK.. THUD - Sound of me being shot in the face and falling down at -4 hp.

The inquisitor than sat down, discussed the matter with the more co-operative members of the party, and then stabilized me and brought me back to positive hp. Our DM has decreed that when reduced to 0 Hp, changlings revert to their 'natural' form. So I awoke, looked at myself, looked at the inquisitor, at myself again, then back at the inquisitor and said

Me: Hello. I am Jack Blackblade. I hear you have been wishing to speak with me.

END COMMUNICATION
 
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There were some new players, converts from DSA, where things seem to work differently:

Party was in a Zhent-occupied town, complete with Zhentarim Skymage riding a black dragon.

DM: "On the plaza, there's a big black dragon with a military saddle on it - the rider is currently not here. The thing looks at people with pure malevolence."
Player: "I mount it and fly away."
DM: "You WHAT??"

Seems that in DSA, dragons are animals, not very smart. They assumed that was the same here.

Later (don't ask me how they survived) they encountered about half a dozen orcs (the players weren't level 1 any more).

Former DSA players: "Orcs! Run away!"
Even without their help, the party slaughtered the tuskers in a round or two.

Crazy world where you are afraid of orcs but not of dragons.
 

Kae'Yoss said:
There were some new players, converts from DSA, where things seem to work differently:

Party was in a Zhent-occupied town, complete with Zhentarim Skymage riding a black dragon.

DM: "On the plaza, there's a big black dragon with a military saddle on it - the rider is currently not here. The thing looks at people with pure malevolence."
Player: "I mount it and fly away."
DM: "You WHAT??"

Seems that in DSA, dragons are animals, not very smart. They assumed that was the same here.

Later (don't ask me how they survived) they encountered about half a dozen orcs (the players weren't level 1 any more).

Former DSA players: "Orcs! Run away!"
Even without their help, the party slaughtered the tuskers in a round or two.

Crazy world where you are afraid of orcs but not of dragons.

So... what is this DSA?
 

Drowbane said:
So... what is this DSA?

Another Roleplaying game, which until recently was only available in Germany. They export it now I think (As Dark Eye). Never liked it. The first edition was created by the same person who first translated D&D, and was released shortly after the completion of said translation (as someone who knows the D&D translations, I have my reservations against anything that is created by those who are responsible for translating D&D), so the paranoid might suspect that he borrowed concepts from D&D.

The most recent edition is called "d20SA" by many, because it seems to have several similarities with a certain roleplaying ruleset.
 

This happened several years ago. I was the GM running a 3.0 conversion of "Dwellers of the Forbidden City". The players were in one of the tunnel entrances to the city. They saw that there was an exit up ahead and wanted to do some scouting. After discussing the matter, it was decided that the sorcerer would cast invisibility, and creep forward to find out what lay beyond the tunnel. He cast the spell and crept quietly down the tunnel towards the exit. As he passed the threshold of the exit, I passed him a note saying that there was a scary looking yuan-ti sentry on each side of the tunnel. The sorcerer's player immediately stretched out his arms and started making hand motions with each hand :confused:

I was laughing so hard I nearly fell out of my seat :D The player had completely forgotten that he was invisible!!
 


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