Funniest Thing you have heard at the gaming table

[Al]

Okay...from my campaign a few weeks back.

The PCs were investigating a mercenary sergeant who had been hired to take over from the regular village sheriff because the village was under threat of imminent attack. However, the PCs suspected that the sergeant was in cahoots with some bandits. So...they had to break into his quarters, without causing any commotion. Unfortunately, no one could pick locks. The party bard has attempted to pickpocket him and failed, but managed to Bluff his way out of it (though the sergeant gave him some very dirty looks from then on).

Thus, the same bard tries to hire a thief from a local tavern. Having explained the situation, it gets to the question of payment.

Thief: Okay, I'll do it for ten gold.
Bard: Umm...I don't have that much.
Thief: No deal then.
Bard: Well, er, look, I have this magical item [pulls out ring which grants bonus to Pick Pocket].
Thief: Um, how do I know it's magical?
Bard: Well, let me put it this way...take it.
Thief: Okay.
Bard: Put it on.
Thief: Okay.
Bard: Now try to pickpocket me.
Thief: Er...are you sure?
Bard: Yep.

DM: The thief attempts to pickpocket you (stifling a laugh)
Bard (to DM): Do I notice?
DM (bursting out laughing): OF COURSE!

At that point, the party fell about laughing.

 

[Avatar28]

A really funny thing that we had happen in one of our former campaigns was our party was fighting an army on a ship. We steal one of the lifeboats with my huge fighter, Tiny, rowing like mad to get away from that enemy ship. We stop a good distance away from the ship and our sorcerer and fighter draw out their bows. They both light the tips on fire, and each one rolls a consecutive natural 20. The ship goes down in flames and I'm humming, "Smoke on the water...fire in the sky!"

Actually, it was even better than that. I was playing, I believe, a Ranger, and our wizard was actually a warmage, a custom 2E class that's a combination of fighter and mage. This was a 2E game where a natural 20 was an automatic crit.

So here we are, 4 PCs in a rowboat and along comes an enemy troop ship headed right towards. Not having any other plans and our warmage being too low of a level for a really USEFUL spell (like fireball), we did the only thing we could think of. We launched burning arrows at the ship's sails in the hope of maybe distracting them. The warmage went first, natural 20, the sail bursts into flame. Then my turn. Natural 20, there goes the second sail. His turn, ANOTHER natural 20, the third (and last) sail goes up in flames. My turn, already have a burning arrow ready to go. Decided to shoot at someone who looks like a leader. Fired it up, got yet another 20 and nail him with the burning arrow. The ship was burning pretty good by this point and the fire is spreading out of control.

So you've got this big troop ship and these guys on a rowboat have just set it on fire. We then proceeded to climb on board during the distraction (they were too busy burning/jumping overboard/trying to put out the fire) and loot some stuff off the ship before making good our escape in the rowboat.

We always wondered what the survivors said happened when they made their reports. And what they told their friends.

"Uh, yeah...our ship got sank by a couple of guys in a rowboat."

 

[Sanackranib]

funny . . .

Dm - you take 44d6 damage roll a save.
me - (lev 5 cleric/lev 5 necro) - what's the point?

 

[Arnwyn]

A long time ago...

The players have learned that being famous can, in fact, be pretty dangerous to adventurers. One player is so frightened of fame that he will do almost anything to remain anonymous.

The PCs defeat a young black dragon in a swamp, and return to town. When word eventually gets out, they are hailed as heroes and great adventurers. The response to the gathered crowd?

Player (whining): "But it was only a baby!"

 

[jmucchiello]

Re: funny . . .

Dm - you take 44d6 damage roll a save.
me - (lev 5 cleric/lev 5 necro) - what's the point?

What causes 44d6 damage and has a saving throw?

 

[Avatar28]

Re: Re: funny . . .

What causes 44d6 damage and has a saving throw?

Dragon's breath weapon?

 

[Balgus]

5 lightning bolts- from 4 mages, and a level 4 lackey...

Something similar happened to me:
We were cleaning out a barracks and thought it was pretty odd that there wereonly six lackeys in 10 rooms. We were gettign anxious- and careless. We came to a room that was locked, with a rune of nerull on the door.
rogue: I whip out my tools and pick the lock (roll- 14)
DM: the rune starts to glow and a loud piercing noise goes off
Barb: I push him out of the way and smash down the door.
DM: make X refelex saves (four lightning bolts, three sets of magic missiles, two fireballs and a partridge in a pear tree hit me. I made three reflex saves- but by then I was on the ground charred to a crisp and convulsing. )
sorc: should we go in?
ranger: Hell no- let's regroup..

edit: clean up.

 

[jmucchiello]

Re: Re: Re: funny . . .

Dragon's breath weapon?

Against a level 10 character? I was going to nod and say yeah until discovering that Great Wyrm Gold dragons do 24d10 with their breath weapon. That's close to 44d6 but, not quite.

 

[Quickbeam]

About two years ago in a previous campaign, one of the characters was "blinked dead" by some very nasty, powerful, nemesis the party had been seeking. After the initial shock of seeing his friend's PC "blinked dead" another player declared, "I move forward to attack...after all he couldn't possibly do that more than once a day."

About ten seconds and another dead character later, we were all laughing hysterically. While that's not the funniest thing I've ever heard around the gaming table, it's the most frequently referenced remark.

 

[Moe Ronalds]

Fighter: Who are you?
Primitive, uneducated, less than knowledgable of complete sentences druid: I am Kok!
DM: You're what now?
Druid: KoK! Er...

He promptly proceeded to change his name to Gok...