Majoru Oakheart said:
I could probably go on a diet, do huge amounts of exercise and try to slim down while switching to more stylish clothes and try to go out and do less geeky things. Then again, if I did, I wouldn't be me anymore.
Well, I agree with your statement about passtimes but I don't understand how someone could be so superficial as to feel that the real them is contained in some blubber or scraps of fabric. I know people from various walks of life, some of whom you would think were incredibly superficial but I cannot think of one single one of them who thinks that who a person is depends on how fat they are or what clothes they wear. Who you are is about what you do and what you love. It is not about clothes and weight. I lost 40 lbs and when I look in the mirror I'm still me.
The thing I like about my fellow geeks is that they don't care about superficial stuff like clothes and weight. They like people for who they are. So, I'm really troubled when somebody who claims they are a geek starts saying that who you are is based on such superficialities.
Not being fat is kind of nice. You actually
save money on clothes; you look more attractive and you take up less space on the bus; you live longer. I think it's a real shame that you wouldn't be willing to accept all those benefits because you think that somewhere in those 50lbs of extra fatty tissue in your life, there is the true essence of you as a human being.
Yes, I have to deal with the consequences. This means a lot of people will write me off just by seeing me. That is their loss.
But it's also yours.
Also... (a whole bunch of wacky crap about showers)
If you enjoy showers, how is it that you cannot spare 0.21% of your waking hours to make sure you feel clean. Now, if showers were unpleasant for you, I might see your point. But if you enjoy actually them and can actually spare a fifth of a percent of your day for a three minute shower, why not shower? Not only will you be doing something you know will feel nice. It will improve the day of everyone you encounter over the course of your day.
The reason I bring this up is because without fail I hear the stereotypes of gamers being all a bunch of overweight, likely balding, geek slogan t-shirt wearing, stinky, socially inept losers. And, a lot of those stereotypes describe ME perfectly. Except, I don't believe I'm socially inept, nor do I believe I'm stinky.
I've certainly fitted into every one of those categories from time to time. And I agree that people with those qualities are statistically over-represented in our hobby.
But that's not why you wrote this. You wanted to be pitied. You wanted people to say, "come on, try!" And then argue with you when you continued to treat these silly superficial behaviours as a point of pride. It's a win-win situation for you: either you get a bunch of strangers to convince you you are not a loser or you get to win an argument with a bunch of strangers and prove that you really are. Either way, you'll get attention and pity and with either outcome, you'll get a slight buzz from a sense of either victory or hope; and it sounds to me that this is a project likely to be more fulfilling than your current social interactions.
I don't like very many non-geeky things. I don't like any sports at all, can't stand watching them or playing most of them. I can't stand discussions on the stock market, financial planning, make up, shopping, fashion. I hate drugs, drinking, smoking, and bars. I can't stand doing any of them or being around people who do them.
I was basically the same. And I still can't get sports or financial planning. But don't you remember being a kid and not liking various foods that you now do like? Well, you can keep having experiences like that. Broadening one's tastes sometimes works. Sometimes it doesn't. But as far as I'm concerned, the more things I learn how to enjoy, the more fun I'm capable of having. I used to have really snobby taste in movies and only like inaccessible arty crap -- then I figured out how to like regular Hollywood movies. Now, anytime I want to go to the movies, I can just go to the nearest theatre and have a good time. I didn't use to like eggs; now I do and I can have a good breakfast anywhere. Now, with some things, I can't acquire a taste -- doesn't matter how much I try gjetost, that Norwegian brown cheese, it still tastes disgusting. But acquiring tastes really pays off.
So, I see people acting like idiots, getting drunk out of their mind, treating women like crap, killing themselves and other with drugs and alcohol. If I voice my opinion on any of these things, however, I am treated like an outcast for not accepting the things that everyone else does.
Well, look at it from the point of view of these sinners you are trying to correct: all kinds of people must have told you how to run your life differently in the past, or even on this thread; it doesn't feel very good, usually, does it? These people aren't really that different from you -- just more sensitive maybe; they hate being judged and criticized. It hurts them; and unlike you, they haven't built up thick emotional callouses from being judged and criticized all the time so they're not used to that pain.
As a continuation from another point about the previous thread. Even If I'm purposefully dressing up, showered an hour before leaving, and am TRYING to fit in with "normal" people, one mention of playing RPGs or D&D is enough for normal people to ignore me and treat me like I'm less than human.
Well it sucks but getting on with people socially comes much more naturally to some people than others. I have to work really hard to do that whereas it comes naturally to a lot of my friends. For me, the all the work still produces enough results that it's worth it.
And that's tough for smart people who are used to intellectual concepts just coming naturally to them. People who aren't that bright are used to having to work really hard to learn certain skills or figure things out. So they expect to have to work really hard to decode something that comes naturally to others. If you were a smart kid, and I bet you were, you probably have no practice at having to study really hard to learn a concept or acquire a skill. So, when faced with something like this, it probably feels really daunting. But working hard to figure something out and still failing at it a bunch is just a human experience that nearly everybody will experience in one form or another. It's just part of being alive.
