Gamers and Stereotypes

[Kanegrundar]

I gotta say something here. I AM A GEEK!!! However, that is not all that I am. I play computer games, D&D, love watching and reading fantasy and sci-fi, paint minis, play board games, and love talking about my hobbies with anyone that will listen. I have some geeky Star Wars shirts and have strage tastes in music. At the same time, I don't wear those shirts to work or out to the bar. I dress nice, shower daily, enjoy the occasional beer and cigar. I love playing and watching baseball and golf. Football and Nascar chews up most of my Sundays. I'm overweight, but I still get out and hike, go camping, hunting, fishing, or find something to do outside in the fresh air. These are all parts of me, but I still find ways to get past my initial fear of being in public and meeting new people. I've ran into people that think my hobbies are wierd, but I don't catch any flak about it because I dress nice and present myself as well as I can (I still don't style my hair, though, just never figured it out).

It sounds like you're painting yourself into a corner. All you're putting out there is GEEK! However, dressing nice and smelling nice doesn't make you someone you're not. That's all part of being part of a society. First impressions only come once, and if you give one of a slob dork, then that's likely what people will think of you further on. It may not be nice or even the right thing to do, but that's the way they are. You can either make an attempt to look like someone others will like to know, or you can be left to the fringes of society.

Plus, broaden your horizons. There are gamer girls out there, but they aren't so prolific that you can count on finding one that is into it without you convincing her to try. My fiance never played a game, but once I got her to try. She still doesn't really like it, but she has found a couple board games she likes and will play with me every now and then. However, if I didn't have other interests beyond gaming or even display the willingness to listen to her interests that I really am not into, I wouldn't have gotten the chance to introduce her to gaming in the first place. You don't have to like or be involved in sports or mainstream movies and music, but you should still be able to carry on a conversation about something other than the new D&D book.

I'm totally with Teflon BIlly on this one. Being a smelly slob is NEVER a source of pride. You can always find time to get some nicer clothes for work or bite the bullet and take a 5 minute shower. Heck, I was in a gaming group in college that had a player that was asked to leave due to his horrendous hygiene issues. I felt bad for the guy, but he thought that showering would change him from a "rebel" to a mainstream "sheep". Yeah, well, that was absolutely stupid. If he wanted to be around others, at least he should have tired to look and smell like it. He continued being himself, but he did it alone.

Kane

 

[I'm A Banana]

First of all, lonely for companionship? Want a good girl by your side? Welcome to being a dude, dude. or, frick, a human being. I'd imagine a good 90% of those who don't have SO's want one. It's pretty normal.

But you can't let it define your strategy in life. You can't see a girl and instantly judge if she's right for you. Because that's still selfish. That's still interested in her only for what she gets you (namely, away from loneliness). It's selfish, and it radiates a lack of confidence, which people can smell like a shark smells blood in the water.

"Getting a girl" probably requires first and foremost that "getting a girl" isn't first and foremost on your list of things to do. Once it isn't, you'll be more natural, be more confident, and be more concerned with people for who they are, rather than what they can do for you.

She plays Rifts and WoW. Of course, she probably fits the "gamer" stereotype as well. She was overweight, mid 20s, glasses, hairy arms. I didn't think she looked bad, mind you, I have different sensibilities than most people. But, still, I'm kind of a hack and slasher myself, and I have a feeling if we talked too much we'd probably end up hating each other anyways. Sometimes the LARP/table top, Hack and Slash/Roleplayer prejudice is almost worse than the non-gamer prejudice for us.

See, this is madness. If you think she's worthy of your attention, what's the harm in finding out about what she likes, and why she likes it? What's wrong with actually having a conversation here? And why, for the sake of all that is polyhedral, is one's *gaming style* going to stand in the way of a good relationship? It's doomed before it's started because your fashionable tragedy decelares that LARPers and hack-n-slashers cannot get along. This is a gross stereotype that you're foisting on her, and on pretty much everyone.

You are not a hack-n-slasher. You're a human being, just like she is. If you think she's worthy of your attention, GIVE IT TO HER. You don't need to foist your gaming style on her, and you don't need to RP when you hang out together. Go see a movie (Sin City = Good. ). Go to dinner. Talk about politics and religion and families and other minutae of daily life. Be actively interested in who she is, and don't you *dare* think to judge this thing a failure from the start just because she MIGHT hate you SOMEDAY MAYBE. Dude, everyone might hate you someday maybe. Until then, follow the happiness wherever it may lead you.

You're defining your world in stereotypes and poor expectations. The future ain't written, and the past ain't never true.Don't tell her she will hate you. Let her decide that.

And if she does, so what? What have you lost? Time? Money? Effort? You're losing that sitting here reading ENWorld, buddy, might as well spend it chasing a skirt.

 

[Kanegrundar]

And if she does, so what? What have you lost? Time? Money? Effort? You're losing that sitting here reading ENWorld, buddy, might as well spend it chasing a skirt.

Can we get a HOORAH?!?!?! Excellent advice, KM.

Kane

 

[Lasher Dragon]

I could probably go on a diet, do huge amounts of exercise and try to slim down while switching to more stylish clothes and try to go out and do less geeky things. Then again, if I did, I wouldn't be me anymore.

You are you no matter what you choose to do (with the exception of some notable drugs, trust me, I know). Seems to me like you are having a moment of clarity in your life, one of many you will have. There are several ways of dealing with this. Myself, I try to really feel if the current situation is to my liking, or if I am just stuck in a rut and need a change. What you must realize is that were you to completely change your lifestyle, inside you are still you. Let's say you decided to wear khakis and polo shirts, bathe everyday, and shop at Old Navy. You would still be you (a very unhappy you, at least I would be LOL - I despise Old Navy), yet the general public would view you in a completely different light. Sometimes this is fun to do as a gag - pick a day, and all day wear a style of clothing completely different than anything you would wear. You know if you went far enough if your friends either a) laugh their arses off when they see you (no, I'm not talking drag or anything), or b) they don't even recognize you at first. I did this once and I had a blast - in college I was "goth lite", and one day for the hell of it I decided to wear khakis, a sports shirt, and shave my goattee down to a moustache. I couldn't look in the mirror without laughing hysterically at my appearance. You know what? Years later, I love khakis. They are extremely comfortable!

Every so often in my life I find myself bored with my current situation - be it my job, my style, my social group, my hobbies, etc.. When this happens, I try to think of what I want AND what I think would improve my "social standing" (AKA getting chicks hehehe). I reinvent myself. If you have never done it, it may seem an impossible task at first. However, for me anyway, even though it was hard at first, it was well worth it in the end. In high school I was a loner, I had friends, but most were older and/or not in my school. I was a geek as well, not too bad, but geeky enough. The only HS sport I did was track (pole vault LOL). Since then, I have gone through many metamorphoses and would be hard-pressed to find someone nowadays who would classify me as a geek (even though I still am!!!). I suck at basic auto maintainance, I DJ at the biggest club in town, I play D&D religiously, I am constantly getting hit on (my wife hates that), I play videogames until I can barely keep my eyes open, people always want me to go to their parties, I fix people's computers for them, etc. etc..

If you are not happy, change. It will be hard the first time. Just remember that you don't have to give up the things you love to change the way society sees you.

 

[Scribble]

Just felt the need to chime in on this thread...

I agree that I do sit around waiting for things to happen to me too much and I should be more proactive. I'm perfectly aware of that. However, I have talked to all sorts of people, I go out of my way to listen to stories people tell and what I find more often than not is...they don't really interest me. A large amount of the real world is just really boring to me. I deal with it when I have to and no more. I do like music and can talk about the music industry, current times, some politics, the movie industry, philosophy. I like talking about these things.

A large amount of the real world is boring to everyone... Doesn't mean there AREN'T people out there who enjoy the same things you do. I enjoy those same things. I enjoy rading, writing, gaming, philosophy, movies, art, video games... But I also workout and go to bars, and clubs... I like to dance, and I can talk to girls!!! OOOOOHHHHH

I used to be like you are. I wasn't very proactive. But sometimes the good things come to those who wait philosophy can be perverted in a bad way. (Like the dark side you know?)

I found that if I went out and took hold of my life, more good things happened, and I finally felt good.

However, I have no interest in sitting around hearing about this time that one of my friends got so drunk they could barely walk and then when they passed out, they woke up at someone's house they had never met before and got out of there before the other person woke up. To me that just reads "ok, you did something stupid...why do I need to know about it?"

Neither do I... Well ok that's not true, sometimes I do, because sometimes it's fun to laugh at people not with people.

But not everyone who enjoys other hobbies then D&D and Sci-Fi is like your example...

I also have no interest in spending multiple hours each week doing exercises whose only purpose is to make me look better to other people. As it is now, I barely manage to fit sleeping, work, eating, and some time for myself into each day.

I was that way to before I started exersizing. "I don't have the time." But I realized it was an exscuse. Exersizing does a lot more for you then just make you look good for other people.

Sure it does do that, but that also increases your self confidence, and gives you more energy. (Which also increases your confidence.) So the poster who said you end up sleeping less was right... You have a lot more energy to do things which ends up giving you more time... It's kind of neat.

Also you're a lot more healthy, and will live longer. Which I guess kind of means you have more time overall right?

I dress in nice clothes for nice occasions. I shower as often as I have time for and is required by society. If I'm going somewhere with people around, I will shower and get dressed up, unless I know it's mostly geeks.

Thats good. I personally don't think you have to dress to the hilt at all times. Personally I enjoy looking good to the opposite sex. It gives me more confidence. I tend to dress "well" most of the time. If it's gaming night, I'll usually throw on something "comfortable" but overall I dress "well."

I shower just about every day. It helps me wake up and feel good. There are some days when I'm lazy and just sit around all day and I don't shower. I think it's important though to be hygenic...

It's important to "be yourself" but dressing well and taking care of yourself won't change that. I saw Fight Club to, but that's fiction... If you started liking a new game system would you no longer be the same person you once were? We change every day, but we're still the same person.

Looking presentable and taking care of yourself does tend to make people treat you more seriously. It isn't bad to be presentable for the sake of what others think.

It effects your job (co workers tend to treat you with more respect, it's even easier to get a job you want) your social life (I like having girls dig me, again confidence is boosted...) and gives you more energy.

As with anything else, people have various levels of inherent ability at social skills. For some people, socializing comes naturally; for others, it does not

I agree with this statement. Socializing is a skill. I used to not have it and figured I just wasn't good at it. I even invented exscuses for myself as to why I didn't try...

Then I got over it. I started doing it. Sure it was awkward and weird at first but you get better at it.

Personally it started becoming fun... Especially talking to girls... it's like a weird psychological game.



in anycase... This post was too long and who really cares about my opinion anyway.

 

[Teflon Billy]

I love NASCAR, motorcycle racing, ice hockey and baseball. And beer.

NASCAR isn't a sport

*ducks*

 

[Teflon Billy]

Haven't met anyone who games like that stereotype to be honest, the reason stereotypes exist is because it's seen as ok to laugh at a stereotype in a cartoon (Simpson's comic shop guy) and then they are brought up in discussions as a extreme level to illustrate a point.

Go to a Convention. Then report back

 

[maddman75]

See, I'm stuck in a unique situation. I really like who I am, I like my life EXCEPT for one point. I don't like the fact that I am completely without female companionship at the moment. I've had gfs and I'm not a virgin or anything. But I get lonely a decent amount. Otherwise, I have lots of friends who I game with multiple times per week. I go out to movies, play computer games, spend time with my family, play board games. But, yes, I wish I knew of a female who liked the same things I did. I actually know only one, and they are engaged to another person in one my my groups.

Majoru, I was once very much like you. I took my poor dressing and style as a badge of honor, I wasn't going to get all dressed up just to please other people, I wasn't going to hide the real me, etc. etc. I finally grew out of it. Got a good haircut, contacts, learned to dress, and learned to socialize. I can't tell you how much better life is now.

Sure, I'll still wear my 'I survived orc and pie' shirt to a game, and I do still play games. But I also go to bars to hang out, hook up with my buddies and just hang out and goof off. We don't need the excuse of an RPG to talk to each other, playing an RPG is just one of many things we could do. But do you know what, I'm still me. Hell, I'm a better me.

Take the clothing. You seem to think that a female should like you for you, no matter what kind of shirt you wear. Well, sorry. It doesn't work that way. Think about the signal you send when you go to a social function wearing a Star Wars tshirt. You are saying that you aren't going to bother with making yourself presentable. I show up in some nice clothes, freshly ironed, neat haircut, right amount of cologne - who do you think they'd want to talk to more? Its not that they can't see past the tshirt, its that you aren't putting forth any effort.

Further, I'll do a little speculating. This is based on my own demons, but I'm willing to bet its a pretty common phenomena. You don't wear them in spite of the fact that the 'normals' don't like them. You wear them (and have the gamer/geek behaviours) because the normals don't like them. From whatever happened in the past, you have been convinced that you aren't worth being with them, being around them. If you try it will result only in pain. So you wear the dorky clothes, you don't shower, as a shield so they won't try to get to know you. I was a master at this, and have only recently recovered truth be told.

But the truth is that when you meet new people, they won't have any preconceptions about you. Weight is NOT a huge issue, as long as you aren't morbidly obese. I've got a gut myself (6' and 250), and the girls like me just fine. Exercise is at least as useful in the self confidence and self respect that it gives you as in the physical benefits it can bring. They only know what you tell them, and how you dress and act is not a reflection of the 'real you', its a reflection of how well you respect yourself.

If you want female attention, you're going to have to put forth the image that they find attractive. I can't express how much happier I am now that I've cast aside these illusions of 'the real me'. Its always you.

 

[maddman75]

NASCAR isn't a sport

*ducks*

Neither is hocky. How can you have a sport without a ball? All hockey has is a puck. The only other place I've every heard of a puck is the little air freshner they drop in urinals. Something that involves batting around a bathroom freshner is not a sport.

*quacks*

 

[Teflon Billy]

You're defining your world in stereotypes and poor expectations. The future ain't written, and the past ain't never true.Don't tell her she will hate you. Let her decide that.

And if she does, so what? What have you lost? Time? Money? Effort? You're losing that sitting here reading ENWorld, buddy, might as well spend it chasing a skirt.

I think you are going tmake me cry :\

That was beautiful, man.