Gamers and Stereotypes

[I'm A Banana]

And lest Mr. Oakheart get discouraged because we're kinda being jerks about this, remember that we wouldn't be jerks about this if we didn't care. It's Tuff Luv, like the drill sergeant that shouts at you to make you feel worse so you'll try and be better. Constructive criticism, we to destroy you to build you back up, etc. Take it to heart, but don't take it personally -- it's for your own good.

I find that I have the most in common with geeks because I don't have to go through an explaination process to explain what I'm interested in. I can say "Hey, don't you think that part is cool in Return of the Jedi where the emperor is using lightning on Luke?" and expect an answer back like "ya, but wasn't it cooler when the death star was destroyed" instead of "Umm, I don't remember that, I haven't seen Star Wars in years."

I believe if I were in that situation, rather than judging the person unworthy of my attention, I'd say: "You haven't?! Dude, swing by my place Saturday, and I will show it to you. You don't remember how cool it is."

Or, y'know, if they express no interest in seeing it again, I'd change the subject. My hobbies (such as watching Star Wars) don't encompass my entire conversational ability. Maybe ask: "So what do you think was the most cool moment of bad guys torturing good guys in cinema?" Shift the convo back to them. People like to talk about themselves. Human beings are pretty self-centered....social skill is just making others feel like you care about them.

...as for this:

Is there any "reason" for the extreme clique forming at American High Schools? Also, is there a reason why intelligent individuals can't let go of things that happened more than 10 years ago? I don't want to start a flame war, and I'm not implying there weren't problems in my school years, but I find it remarkable that High school has such an extreme effect on the personalities of so many Americans.

Man, if this was ever a can of social and phsycological worms, you've found it...there's so many different viens of crazy that go into high school cliques and self-identification at that point....

For simplicity, let's say society values some passtimes more than others -- Football > Theatre > Chess. The farther down the chain you go, the more isolated and estranged from tne normal happenings of social life you become. Chess teams don't have cheerleaders, and no one has a homecoming dance for the D&D crowd. This gets reinforced by natural human cruelty -- if you're not part of my group, you are worse than I am.

Compound that with the idea that HS is "the most important time of your life" and that up until about 45 years ago (and maybe more for some regions), people pretty much graduated high school, got married, raised kids, and that's it....well, people take a lot of definition from this point.

 

[iwatt]

Ultimately, you learn that high school doesn't matter. No one is going to care if you were the biggest loser or most popular guy.

Hey I know that . But maybe it's just these threads and the typical teen movies, but I still see a lot of people worried about the labels they had in High School. At least that is the impression I get looking "in" from outside.

 

[freebfrost]

That's just a welcome excuse not to wear something else, because it's easy to appear like a slob and disregard what people are saying. Because if you'd actually make an attempt to clean up, and people would still paint you as slob, what would that make you? A slob. But now, these people just don't know the "real you".

As much as everyone is trying hard to be nice and helpful, I think that sometimes the cold hard truth works best. I was going to chime in with that but I don't think I could do a better job than Empress just did.

Nothing will change until you change your attitude.

 

[iwatt]

Compound that with the idea that HS is "the most important time of your life" and that up until about 45 years ago (and maybe more for some regions), people pretty much graduated high school, got married, raised kids, and that's it....well, people take a lot of definition from this point.

Maybe you have something here. Is the belief that high school is "the most important time of your life" prevalent in american society? I can tell you straight up that in South America it isn't. Down here the most important part of your life is when you form a family. And people do look askance at those who don't/haven't formed one yet. I'm 27 and not even trying , but a lot of the mainstream thinks I should start thinking about it.

 

[I'm A Banana]

Well, the teen movies do make things out to be a little more extreme than they actually are. Have you seen The Breakfast Club?

Is the belief that high school is "the most important time of your life" prevalent in american society?

Depends upon the locality, but I'd say in a significant number of regions, what you do in high school will paint the picture for how you live your life from that moment. Up until recently, marrying your "high school sweetheart" was considered par for the course -- my parents did that.

Of course, I'm also in no great hurry to have a family. I was born by the time my parents were this age. I'm willing to let it slide a little bit longer while I get stuff figured out.

 

[Kanegrundar]

Maybe you have something here. Is the belief that high school is "the most important time of your life" prevalent in american society? I can tell you straight up that in South America it isn't. Down here the most important part of your life is when you form a family. And people do look askance at those who don't/haven't formed one yet. I'm 27 and not even trying , but a lot of the mainstream thinks I should start thinking about it.

I think there's more of a shift to "college is the time of your life" nowadays. (For me, college has been the time of my life before I met my fiance.) The High School experience is one here that shapes many, many kids. Sadly, many kids can't handle the stress. I won't get into the reasons why I think that is here since this is way off-topic and my ideas on the issue are likely to raise the ire of some.

Kane

 

[Lasher Dragon]

First of all.....I'm not American. Never went to an American High school. There are 5 billiion people in the world out there, of which you guys are only 250 million. Those numbers not withstanding, Hollywood does have a huge cultural impact in the world.

Yes, I realized this, which is why I asked. I have been around the world - telling me that Americans aren't the center of it is preaching to the choir.

In our schools (for the most part - there are all kinds of schools here, I am speaking generally throughout this) you start between 7 and 8 am, and you go to all kinds of different classrooms for different classes all day long, with mostly different classmates throughout. IIRC school is out around 3 or 4.

Anyway, yes, your schooling is very different than the average American experience. I can obviously only speak for myself, so here is my view:

School to me was like a job I was overqualified for yet nonetheless forced to attend anyway. I liked some classes, don't get me wrong, but I learned more on my own via my voracious reading habits than I learned in my 12 years of regular "school". I despised homework so rarely did it. I loved projects and tests and aced those. The supposed "gifted" courses more often than not only increased the amount of homework IME, so while I got placed into those, I soon slacked my way back to regular classes. I hated math - not because I wasn't good at it (I regularly scored within the top 0.02% in the nation) but because apparently I learn a lot differently than the majority. A normal homework assignment might be a sheet with a hundred math problems on it, all the same formulae just different numbers. This disgusted me so I never did it. I learned how to do it after the first 2, I don't need it jackhammered into my head thank you very much.

There is a huge social heirarchy in American schools. The haves/have nots, the cool/uncool, the followers/outcasts, etc.. You are labeled, whether the label fits or not, whether you give a damn or not. One thing I always find amusing is when people make fun of other people because they are more intelligent than themselves. It sounds ridiculous but it happens every day in our schools. Now, I am not saying everyone does this, or even every school is like this - but I'll bet the majority are. If you don't wear the clothes the cool people wear, or listen to the same bands as them, or if you ride the bus because your parents don't believe in buying a 16 year old kid his/her own car, you will be harassed. Speaking of which, I knew a kid whose parents bought him a brand new corvette for his 16th birthday!!!! Oh man it astounds me how ignorant some rich people can be sometimes.

Speaking of stereotypes in schools, it goes beyond just the students. In high school I wore a lot of black, gray and sometimes white (didn't like white too much cuz I always stained it). Reason? I am really colorblind, and after my mother asking me a dozen times "Are you going out looking like that?!" I started wearing colors that go with anything. Anyway, my high school counselor (I was sent to him often because of my never doing homework) one day asked me if I believe in god. I told him no. He goes on to ask me if I believe in the devil. I said "Now how could I believe in the devil if I don't believe in god? That's a package deal, with one you get the other. You can't pick and choose." He called my mom the next day to tell her I was a Satanist LOL. My mom is very cool - I was home when he called and I swear she told him he was a "F*'ing idiot" and that he apparently had no qualifications to even be counseling me. Ahh it was funny.

Anyway, I got off on a tangent. Point is, American schooling can be torture for a wide variety of people.

 

[Imperialus]

What I don't get is that you seem to equate having a social drink in a pub with getting absolutely ****faced and attempting to stumble home before passing out in a gutter swimming in your own vomit. There is only one person in the world that I know who has that kind of reaction to a single drink and that's because he has a medical condition that requires him to take a laundry list of medication none of which reacts well to booze.

Now I come from a long and prestigious line of alchoholcs and as such I moderate my drinking carefully and never drink to get smashed, if for no other reason than because I'd have to drop the better part of a paycheque to do so, however I'm a regular face at the campus bar and though I'll usually only actually buy a drink maybe once a week I'll sit down, have a smoke, feed the jukebox and hang out with people between classes. It beats sitting by myself in the cafeteria reading a novel and unless I have something pressing due I don't lack for time to finish my work. The 3.2 GPA while working is evidence of this.

You work nights, which I know can be a real damper on social engagements. Even so though why not try to talk with a few people at work during your lunch break and see if they want to get together an hour or two before work starts one day and go to a pub near work. Unless you're a truly heroic or incredibly cheep drunk no one will drink enough in two hours to be incapable of working night shift tech support. If you don't like the taste of beer, try vodka and orange juice or rum and coke or something. Vodka is a good drink especially before work, it doesn't have a strong smell and if you mix it the alcohol is barely discernable.

As for Fashion:
Take your next paycheque, yes your very next one and go buy some new cloths, and not that Conan shirt you've been eyeing at the FLGS. Go to a mall, yes a mall in all it's glorification of teenaged preppies and find a store that sells these 4 things.
1) Polo shirts
2) shirts that have logos on them that have nothing to do with barbarians
2) a variety if jeans
3) kakis.
This store has become your friend, in my case it's Bluenotes and Roots. Neither are overly trendy or expensive but they have good cloths in a variety of sizes. Buy at least one full outfit from them and try it for a day, see if you still feel like you.

Get some polo shirts for work unless your job requires that you wear a suit. Combine with kakis. Voila! A 5-minute work casual outfit. This also looks good for dinner out at a casual restaurant with the family or a casual (first) date. You look good but not like you're hung up on it, you're boss will appreciate it and your co-workers will notice. Even in this you can go for subtle humor/sense of self. I found a polo shirt a few years back that has the guy on the horse falling off. No one but you will notice unless they are looking and when they do 99% of the time they will find it hilarious.

Buy at least one button up shirt and a pair of slacks, not one with a silk screen dragon on it but avoid a plain white one as well. Try on a few until you find one that suits your complexion. Most guys our age don't have too many occasions where we really need to dress up but it really sucks to be underdressed at a semi formal occasion.

buy some T-shirts for everyday wear that are for lack of a better term "geek chic". Mostly this seems to be retro geek stuff like a shirt with a Gi-Joe or Tranformers logo on it. Find a band that you like that is at least moderately popular, in my case Led Zeppelin (listen to ramble on, claim to be a geek and then say you don't like Led Zeppelin) and the Clash and buy a couple of their shirts. Make sure that you have enough cloths that you can wear at least a clean shirt, clean underwear, and clean socks every day pants can be worn more than once but everything else should be clean each day. One other important thing about shirts, buy shirts that fit. If you are a large, buy a large, not an XL or a medium. I used to always buy large shirts that made it look as though I was swimming in them. I switched to mediums and even such a small change made a huge difference. You can still keep your gamer/startreck/starwars shirts but wear them around the house, the FLGS or to the mall never to work or when you are going out somewhere.

Jeans are great for days off and if you get a pair that fits well they will look good on almost any body type. NEVER wear sweatpants.

Get a decent pair of shoes, leather or fake leather ankle highs works great. Avoid trainers and for god's sake get laces not Velcro.

Get an decent bottle of aftershave, spend between 25 and 50 bucks, don't worry it'll last forever, and use it, not too much, a dab on each cheek after shaving is plenty. Find a deodorant that seems to work, easy way to tell is if your armpits feel damp, it isn't working.

Go to a salon or barber, a proper one not a kwick kuts or anything like that. Talk to the stylist about what kind of hairstyle would suit you. Tell them how long you are willing to spend on your hair each day and ask what sort of product they would recommend for your hair type and budget. Careful with this though since hair care products can cost a small fortune. Drop between 20 and 30 bucks on that visit. After getting a haircut you like you can go to a cheaper place as long as you take a picture of your hair after getting it cut and ask them to duplicate it. As a guy you should probably get your hair cut once every two months or so.

*edit* One other thing that looks good on almost anyone in almost every situation is save some money and spend a couple hundred dollars on a really nice leather or faux leather jacket. I'm not talking biker jacket here but a relatively plain black or dark brown waist length spring/fall jacket. It's a great jacket to wear with anything from your gamer shirts and jeans to the kakis and polo shirt combination. They're also waterproof and good windbreakers. Take good care of it and it'll last you years.

If you have a beard keep it trimmed and neat, can't offer much more advice than that since I shave.

Toss old cloths or donate them to goodwill before there are gaping holes in the knees, crotch, butt, armpit ect. Your cloths will tell you when it's coming time to retire them. Once the logo on your shirt is faded the seams on your pants are starting to fray ect it's time to go. If you aren’t wearing the same pair of pants every day a decent pair should last you at least a year or two though so when one starts to wear out on you just bite the bullet and buy a new pair.

Generally after putting together a decent closet if you budget between 50 and 100 dollers a month on personal appearance you're laughing. A hundred bucks is a pair of name brand jeans like Levis of CK when they arn't on sale or at least 3 or 4 shirts.

It'd take a bit of effort but I fully expect that within 2 or 3 months you could have yourself looking a hundred times better than you are now and still feeling like yourself. I can almost guarantee you that you'll feel more confidant and more than likely be a lot happier even if you are still single.

Anyhow I have to go write a final.

 

[fusangite]

Wow! Look at all the posts. I agree with a great deal of the advice that has been given out except:

If you think she's worthy of your attention, GIVE IT TO HER. You don't need to foist your gaming style on her, and you don't need to RP when you hang out together. Go see a movie (Sin City = Good. ).

Everything else you say Midget, is right on the money. But I really don't believe Sin City is a good first date movie. Maybe it's an okay date movie once you've established mutual interests and tastes but some women today, even geeks, might find this movie's violence, sexism and racism a little much. (Not to say that I didn't enjoy the movie myself...) Anyway, I think there are probably better first date movies out there.

 

[iwatt]

Yes, I realized this, which is why I asked. I have been around the world - telling me that Americans aren't the center of it is preaching to the choir.

Well you'd be surprised how refreshing this attitude can be. But I'm not opening that can of worms.

One thing I always find amusing is when people make fun of other people because they are more intelligent than themselves. It sounds ridiculous but it happens every day in our schools.

Well, if it makes you feel better, this isn't exclusive to american high schools :\ . I suffered of this as well.

I compensated in a not very mature way though . Since i was part of the National Swim team I was in peak physical condition, so not many people would stand up to me. I also took advantage of a genetic predisposition to a heavy drinking capacity that had me winning drinking contests from a very tender age. So although you'd probably would have classified me as a geek from my reading/movie/gaming habits, i could also be classified as a jock, and even as a "Drunken Loser " by people like Majeru.

About the social hierarchy: in Chile most of the schools are private schools. And their really isn't much of a "melting pot", which has the effect of lack of extremism. I'll hazard a guess that the natural diversity of american society does have a large "responsibility" in this clique thing. It's easier to fit in when you have a lot in common, like it is in Chile.