Everything else you say Midget, is right on the money. But I really don't believe Sin City is a good first date movie. Maybe it's an okay date movie once you've established mutual interests and tastes but some women today, even geeks, might find this movie's violence, sexism and racism a little much. (Not to say that I didn't enjoy the movie myself...) Anyway, I think there are probably better first date movies out there.
It's definately not a safe choice, but I like to let the girls no right away that I'm never entirely safe.
![:]](http://www.enworld.org/forum/images/smilies/devious.png "Devious :]")
As for the rest of this, remember, man, this is Tuff Luv. Don't take it too personally, just try to take away from it what you can in the way of construction.
See, in a way, it is your problem if you didn't want me around....I do care what other people think. A LOT actually.
These are contradictory positions. It's not THEIR problem if they don't want you around. They're not suffering at all for it. They don't give a loaf. It's YOUR problem if they don't want you around. Because you genuinely care about what other people think about you (like most people).
There's millions of people in this world. There aren't many who are willing to jump through the hoops you set up just to get to know what you are at the core. The advice here is to make you set up less hoops. So you can be concerned with them, rather than demanding that they be concerned with you.
I can barely stand being in the same room with them. I have an allergy to smoke as well. However, my best friend smokes. I don't like it, but I put up with it because I like him and I don't think the smell that is around him nearly constantly is enough to lose a friend over or prevent me from gaining a new one.
Go
here and read down. There is the presentation of Geek Social Fallacies. You will be enlightened. I wish I had the original link, but this'll have to do.
I'm instead looking to find the group of people who agree with me and spend time around them to make me feel better about myself. That's sort of my opinion on why I dress the way I do. I feel that I'd like to know the people who think that it's great that I wear what I do.
.....you make people jump through hoops to get to know you, but the moment you have a middling difference with someone else, you denounce them as incompatible. This is self-centered, and one of the cruxes of your problem. It doesn't deny your self to be frickin' considerate, man. You're not cheapening your own being by paying attention to the boring garbage that other people talk about. You're inviting them in to knowing you.
I'm not even suggesting that you change your bathing habits or cleaning habits on a regular basis. Some guys are slobs (I live with a man who NEVER does the dishes. EVER. I hate him.
). But when you refuse to be considerate to other human beings, why should they be interested in who you are? You're an inconsiderate, selfish little twick, why should they get to know you? You criticize them, secretly hate them, predict they are dicks, and then prejudge them in exactly the same way you wish they wouldn't prejudge you.
So I would recommend not being incosiderate and selfish. So you want people who won't judge you for what you smell like? Good on you! But you need to put the ball in YOUR court, not in theirs. Don't let them judge you -- let yourself have the power to judge them. Then, if you don't want to hang out with those people, you can assert yourself, rather than just letting them walk over you. You can tell them: "I don't want to be around you when you smell like Joe Camel's poochute. So I'd like it if you'd frickin' STOP, dude. Just out of common courtesey."
Stop telling us we don't understand who you are. Screw who you are. It's not special, it's not significant, it's not worth knowing any more than anyone else is. I could get to know you, or I could get to know that guy who cares enough about how he looks to wear something that looks good on him. We don't care who you are. All we want to do is try to help a guy who asked for it. Who you really are doesn't matter.
(Again, remember, this is tuff luv. Don't take it personally, but take away from it what you can.)
I LIKE wearing it, so although some people might think it's stupid, or unkept or anti-social, I think of it as a shirt with someone I like written on it. It's much better for my self esteem to be around a person who says "Cool shirt" instead of "Can't you dress in some real clothes?" Plus, doesn't do much for my self esteem to be continually putting on clothes that I don't like just so other people will tolerate me. Feels like I'm pretending. I do enough role playing DURING the game.
You know what I do when I submit an application for employment or school? I pretend. I present them with a face they want to see, rather than every aspect of who I am.
Society is built on a foundation of falsehoods and wrong assumptions. Most human beings just don't give a flying intercourse about their fellow human being beyond a few theoretical generalities. You're no exception: you judge drunks unworthy of your attention. You might not want them to curl up and die (or maybe you do?), but you don't want to have anything to do with them. Most people are going to judge people who feel the need to wear their hobby on their sleeve as unworthy of their attention. You confuse and bewilder people, and people don't like being confused and bewildered. Just like you're uncomfortable around drunks, people are uncomfortable around ill-fitting Star Wars tees. This isn't a test to separate the people worth knowing from the people not -- EVERY human being is worth knowing. Stop lying to yourself. All this is doing is isolating you from some people you may be interested in knowing DESPITE their flaws.
Self-esteem? Sounds a lot like you're pretty frickin' proud of yourself, all high and mighty on your throne of dice, judging everyone who passes beneath your feet, telling them that they have to come to you.
Get down off of your high horse and have some humility. Put on something preppy for someone else's sake.
Why would that feel like you're pretending? You don't need to wear your hobby on your sleeve. You don't need to shove what you like in everyone else's face and declare that if they don't like it then they're unworthy of your time and attention. If you want to know people, you have to accept them for what they are and stop demanding that they treat you special.
Also, partially the point of wearing those clothes IS to show who I am.
BZZZZZZZZZZZZZT! Wrong-o, bucky! The *entire* point of wearing clothes is so we don't have to look at your dangly bits. Your self identity is NOT related to your clothing, it is related to who you are on the inside. It's not like some magical belt of fashion-bending that when you put it on you will instantly turn into a new person. It what you do for the sake of other people.
You show who you are by words, actions, interests, opinions. The only thing your clothes signify is your ability to not make other people look at your dangly bits.
When I look through a crowd of people, I'm prone to ignoring the well dressed, preppy people and finding those people who look like they are kindred spirits to talk to.
Then why oh why oh WHY are you offended when someone else does the same to you and your clothing? Why are you offended by the shallowness of others when you are so very shallow yourself? How is what you do ANY different from some superficial wench only talking to the guys who wear Ambercrombie. You've faught these monsters for so long that you've effing become them. You're the same thing, with different standards.
So you can either be confident in your selfish egotism, or you can open up a little bit and be a human being for Gygax's sake! Do things for other people!
I know, I've been given this advice before. I've tried to find a way to follow it for years now. However, it never seems to work out.
There's a trick to it. It's called not being self-centered.
Well, I don't like to get my hopes up, and since I find that when I meet a woman that I have ANY interest in whatsoever my brain works overtime without me being able to stop it. Within a day or two it has planned out everything I could possibly say to her to get her to go out with me, it has considered hundreds of possible outcomes even if she said yes to a date and wondered if all the time and effort spend on the rather frustrating game of dating would be worth the outcome. Sometimes these thoughts happen within second of meeting a woman for the first time. I've taken to telling myself that it'll never work and it isn't worth trying in an effort to make it look like it IS a bit disheartening.
Congrats, you judgemental bimbo!
Stop thinking that much. Head your brain off at the pass.
Do or do not. There is no try. You have time and time again chosen "do not." Simply because, what, you're affraid of rejection? Please. Let her decide if your worth her time, don't put words in her mouth. Don't presume to think that you know who she is because you know some broad stereotype about her. Because she's one way, don't think that defines her.
Life is too short trying to spend it trying to be someone you aren't. I'm willing to try anything to see if I like it (ok, most things) but I'm not going to pretend to like something that I already know I don't. I wouldn't want anyone pretending to like what I do. If they don't like what I do, I'd like them to tell me so I know not to bore them talking about it. I like to concentrate on what I have in common with people rather than what I don't.
Look, I'm gonna throw something at your head, open your mind and try to make it stick:
Whatever you are, you are. You can't be someone you're not. It's a
LOGICAL IMPOSSI-FRICKING-BILITY. Even if you were to dress in a clown suit and unicycle down main street, you would still be you and what you are. You can't help it. You are. So do whatever you actually want to do. If that means alienating people by judging them superficially and selfishly refusing to accomodate them and their difference, fine, be proud of it. But if you want to make more friends (and ladyfriends), it means not being a selfish, superficial twick. It means bowing to some of the whims of the masses.
Don't take PRIDE in being a geek. That's a label. That's a stereotype. That's a generalization. You're not a stereptye. You're not a label. You're not a generealization. Don't accuse others of being stereotypes, either.
You have a lot more in common with the concieted cheerleader than you want to admit. You are the polar opposite. Just as bad, to another extreme.
