Gaming and Friendship (for DM's)

[DarrenGMiller]

I would like to ask a few questions, but requiring more detailed responses than a poll, so if you will indulge me...

How many of you game only with "friends"? (As opposed to a fluid, casual gaming group)


How many of you use some screening method for determining the players in your games? (As opposed to letting in anyone who wants to be in the game, or anyone who you are close to who wants to be in the game)


Finally, the reason I ask...

Am I wrong to choose not to game with a friend? Does it mean I really don't want that person's friendship?

I wanted to use a player survey and choose the group of players best suited for my campaign (since my group disintegrated - in part due to attitudes of players/friends not being conducive to the game I want to run), but some feel that I am "auditioning people to be my friends." I contend that this is not what it is about. So, I ask you, the ENWORLD DM's to help me with this one.

Any helpful input would be greatly appreciated.

DM

 

[Agamon]

I'm pretty picky with who gets into my home games. There isn't a formal screening process, but I need to get to know them a bit first before inviting them.

And yeah, I have good friends that I don't invite to my game, because I know they wouldn't fit in, and their inclusion has killed many a campaign in the past. But I do try to game with them, through Living Greyhawk or online PbPs.

 

[Crothian]

I'm in three groups. One group I'm friends with all of them and do hang out outside of gamijng some but really schedules make it hard. THe second group, friends with them but not all of them I would make a great effort to see a lot. Nice people, but not a lot in common. The third group, I just game with. Nice guys all and I forsee friendships coming from the group, but we really haven't known each other long.

Ya, I screen for my game. Nothing specific but I ge4t a fast gut feeling on people and I'm usually right. But that doesn'ty mean I won't game with them. It takes a pretty out there person for me not to game with them. With comprimises on both parts, most gamers should be able to game together.

 

[pogre]

My gaming group has evolved. Originally, it was my closest friends from my hometown. As my friends started moving away we started bringing other folks to fill chairs. This has continued until none of my original group games with me any longer, just the folks who were added in - not surprisingly I consider them all friends these days.

When I needed players I just invited anyone who was willing to give our group a try. I also was more than willing to tell them after a session or two that they did not mix well with our group chemistry. Decent human beings who are willing to game on a consistant basis are a rare commodity and I am very thankful for my relatively large group these days.

There are a number of my friends I do not roleplay with - their personality just does not make for an enjoyable roleplaying experience.

 

[DragonLancer]

How many of you game only with "friends"? (As opposed to a fluid, casual gaming group)

*Raises hand slightly* I wouldn't play a regular game with people I didn't consider friends. A random one off game here and there is fine, but on a regular basis nope. Mainly because I've met too many real gimps (no offence to those gimps) in my gaming history and don't want those sort of people in my groups.

Now I play in a shop run campaign which started with a few people I know and a handful of complete strangers, but since then I have come to consider them as friends, but I don't think I would want them in my main games.

How many of you use some screening method for determining the players in your games? (As opposed to letting in anyone who wants to be in the game, or anyone who you are close to who wants to be in the game)

Always, and it involves meeting them first away from the game to see what they are like. If I don't think they will fit in, then I say as much (as politely as I can), but direct them towards other groups in the area who may be willing to accept them.

Finally, the reason I ask...

Am I wrong to choose not to game with a friend? Does it mean I really don't want that person's friendship?

I wanted to use a player survey and choose the group of players best suited for my campaign (since my group disintegrated - in part due to attitudes of players/friends not being conducive to the game I want to run), but some feel that I am "auditioning people to be my friends." I contend that this is not what it is about. So, I ask you, the ENWORLD DM's to help me with this one.

Any helpful input would be greatly appreciated.

DM

Thats not wrong. I have friends who I would not want to game with for various reasons, and others who I would not want playing specific games (mainly because they just wouldn't get it and not get into the feel - Vampire or B5 for instance). So theres nothing wrong with saying no, just be polite about it.
If you have had problems in the past with mixing friends, then I recommend sitting down with the ones who don't grate on one another and see about having them as your players.

Hope that helps.

 

[the Jester]

I game with a large group of friends, but not just anyone can play in my games. One of my really good friends I regretfully had to eject after she kept bringing all kinds of (rl) drama to the game and couldn't see that it was affecting others. :\

 

[fusangite]

How many of you game only with "friends"? (As opposed to a fluid, casual gaming group)

I always gamed with friends until I moved to a new city and had to join a gaming group cold. But essentially, the game devolved into the same situation I was used to. The new recruits who established friendships with other players stuck around and those who only maintained a strictly gaming association dropped out. So now I'm back to just gaming with friends. Admittedly, not all of these friends are close friends but they are people whom I would now describe as "friends" rather than "acquaintances" in casual conversation.

How many of you use some screening method for determining the players in your games? (As opposed to letting in anyone who wants to be in the game, or anyone who you are close to who wants to be in the game)

I always screen. A first come-first serve policy never works out well; just meeting over tea or coffee for an hour is, in my view, quite sufficient to discern if the person is socially competent to join my group, though.

Am I wrong to choose not to game with a friend?

Absolutely not. People who are compatible as friends are not necessarily compatible as RPG partners and vice-versa. People's tastes and styles of RPG play vary so it doesn't follow that friends' gaming styles and tastes will be compatible.

Does it mean I really don't want that person's friendship?

Of course not. But if this person starts acting like it does, maybe you should consider whether you want to be friends with someone who cannot understand that you can still be their friend without wanting to game with them.

I wanted to use a player survey and choose the group of players best suited for my campaign (since my group disintegrated - in part due to attitudes of players/friends not being conducive to the game I want to run), but some feel that I am "auditioning people to be my friends."

I recommend against using the survey. It was something I did as an adolescent and, frankly, it was just something to hide behind. You don't need your friends to fill out forms to know which ones will fit with your game and which won't; so drop the survey and just choose based on the knowledge you already have.

 

[iwatt]

Just friends.

And I'm considering culling the herd.

Currently I have more players than I feel confortable GMing for (I like 4-5) cuurently ahve about 8. I'd like to cut it down to those more serious about the hobby, but we have such a good time in our sessions (half RPG, half catching up with each other) that I don't want to intentionally cut anybody out. Well life (marriage, kis, work) is slowly helping me to bring my group towards my ideal number.

 

[Chimera]

Well, I used to play with only friends, but that didn't work out so well in the long run and now most of those people are no longer friends for various reasons (growing apart, divorce, arguments, etc).

But then, Minnesota is the Land of 10,000 Cliques. There's this whole "Minnesota Nice" reputation, but as people who move here from other states soon find out, this state is composed entirely of insular groups of friends and associates. It's hard to come here and make new friends. Ah, but if you get into a group, suddenly you have 30 new friends and acquaintances!

I've played in several groups put together via the internet, have played in a game where I was invited by an existing player. Quit the latter group because the style just didn't work for me and most of the put-together groups broke up because of personality clashes. (Always amazing to me - and you see a lot of it here on this board - that people will put up with unending amounts of excrement from people they consider their "friends", but won't tolerate a drop of it from strangers - even to the point of destroying new groups because they won't give people a chance to overcome minor differences.)

Right now I'm playing in one put-together group. The GM and 3 players from his previous campaign, two of us recruited via boards. After six sessions, none of them are my "friends" outside of the game, but I consider them all to be good people and enjoy gaming with them.

And hey, there's a great value in not gaming with social friends in that if something goes wrong I don't have to hear them whining about it at parties or via the grapevine. I don't have to worry that Joe won't be my friend anymore, or that it will cause problems in the larger social circle, just because his character gets killed or his magic doohickey gets stolen.

 

[Flyspeck23]

How many of you game only with "friends"? (As opposed to a fluid, casual gaming group)

How many of you use some screening method for determining the players in your games? (As opposed to letting in anyone who wants to be in the game, or anyone who you are close to who wants to be in the game)

Well, the one "screening method" I use is: I only game with friends. That said, see below.

Am I wrong to choose not to game with a friend? Does it mean I really don't want that person's friendship?

No, as others have already pointed out. In hindsight, my game would've been better if I had said "no" to one friend. Still, he's a friend, so I could never leave him out...

It depends on your style of gaming, really. If the main goal of gaming is hanging out with your friends, then why should you turn one down? But if you're roleplaying for the sake of roleplaying you should be very picky on who's in your game and who isn't.

Most of the time there won't be an easy answer, as most groups most likely fall between these two extremes.