Gaming group frustrations (venting)

[Delemental]

Sorry for the interruption, but I just have a need for some non-productive whining.

So, as of this past Friday my gaming group has gone on hiatus "until further notice" due to lack of participation. Besides our DM, we had three active players (myself and two others), and the rest have vanished.

Of the MIA's, only one had what I consider a valid reason (school). The others would say they liked the game and wanted to keep coming, but more often than not didn't show up. We even switched game night from Saturday to Friday to accomodate people. But all too often we'd call these players about 30 minutes after our normal start time to learn that they'd decided to go see a movie, or a concert.

My main frustration is the lack of commitment. Sure, it's just a game, but it's still an event which affects the lives of others. We hold the game at my house, which means I've got to put my kid to bed and then hurry up and get the house ready for guests. One of the regular players lives 45 minutes away, and the GM lives over an hour away (moving to Friday was partially for his benefit, as he works much closer to my house and can therefore just 'hang out' in my end of town after work instead of going home then coming back). It would have been better all around had the problem players just been up front and said "I can't commit to a weekly game because I have other things I'd rather do".

Now I'm irritated because I have no game, and that's my major source of stress relief for the week as well as the only real "me time" I ever get. The prospects for the game restarting aren't that great. We'd have to be able to recruit at least two players who could commit to a weekly game (the DM won't run for less than four, and prefers around six). My other option, of course, would be to find a new group of my own, but I'm picky about the type of group I'm in.

And, to top it all off, I'm dubious about what will happen if we do restart. We've been running City of the Spider Queen - which, as I gather from comments made here on these boards, is a long, combat-intensive adventure - and I frankly haven't been that thrilled with it. It was made worse by one player in particular, who has the bad combination of being a powergamer who doesn't recognize it, and someone who confuses "good roleplaying" with "getting my way and being the center of attention all the time". While this player appears to be gone (one of the players who thought that the game was just one of his menu of entertainment choices for the evening), and while my DM has commented that he wants to get away from the "hack and slash", I don't see how that will work if he also wants to finish this adventure.

There. I'm done now.

 

[Nightchilde-2]

I so very much have been in just your position (even before I moved 45 minutes to an hour away from all of my group). I'm our group's DM, and I really REALLY got tired of going through all the time and trouble of working up a session, only to have 2 out of 7 people show up.

Yes, it's just a game, but if you tell people "yeah, I'll be there" and then just don't show up, well, that's very inconsiderate and (if enough people pull this stunt) ruins the plans of more than just one or two people.

So, what we did is institute a couple of rules in our group.

First, if you can't commit to, and actually make it to, at least 80% of the games, don't even waste our time saying you want to play.

Secondly, through the magic of email, I take a poll of who plans to be there a couple of days ahead of time. *Most* of the time, everyone knows whether they will or will not be able to make it on Friday for the game. Even if they don't know for sure, a simple, courteous "something may come up, but at this point I'm planning on being there" is cool.

It really, honestly is more a matter of respect; to me, to the other people in the group; than a matter of "it's just a game."

 

[Celtavian]

re

Unbelievable. I am having a very similar experience right now. D&D is my entertainment of choice, but the people I know would just as well do other things. They have very little time invested and don't appreciate the time I put in as a DM preparing the campaign. All in all it is very annoying to say the least.

I can empathize. I work very odd hours though and that is why I have trouble finding a gaming group. I have tried campaigning online, but that is a very difficult prospect as well.

Damn it's hard to find a good D&D group.

 

[WizarDru]

My situation is similar to yours, in that I'm a DM of a group of 30-somethings, have two kids and many of my players need to travel from 30 minutes to an hour to get to my house. We coordinate days ahead of time, and if someone can't make it, we expect him to say so. Life is busy. But it doesn't take a lot of time or effort to show some respect.

Here's one suggestion: when it became apparent that some weeks would occur where it would be impossible to get all six players together at once, we established what we call the 'beta' game. The beta is an old sk00l throw-together game, with much looser rules and no concern about continuity or as much character development. When everyone's together, we play the main game, as detailed in my story hour below. When someone has an obligation (be it SCA event, movie, family get-together and so on) we play the secondary game with whoever's available and enjoy a loose and fun game.

One thing you might try is soliciting dates for potential games weeks in advance. We often try to plan up to four weeks in advance (though it often proves difficult). Between Thanksgiving, Christmas and the New Year, it's often difficult to have games consistently, for example.

I would try and contact the problem players and communicate how inconsiderate they're being. It takes very little effort to call out, especially in today's wired world. The number of times when something comes up at the last minute are pretty rare, relatively. And with the availability of cell phones, even last minute notification is simple enough.

Failing that, try having a non-D&D game night, with games like Dragon's Gold, Dwarven Dig!, Guillotine, Flux, Diceland, Elfenland, and similar board games. It's a great way to get significant others involved, too.

 

[Arravis]

My group consists of 20-30 somethings, so I'm unfortunately familiar with many of the issues of familial responsability, etc. What I've done is be VERY careful about whom I allow in our group. If a person can't commit to our gaming schedule (once a week), they don't join. I make it very clear before a person joins our game that I put alot of time and work into my games and if they plan to participate I need a certain level of commitment (which means showing up). Of course, I'm not a scheduling nazi... life comes up all the time and we re-schedule around it, but if a person feels they can't realisticly and regularly commit to the game, I tell them the group probably isn't for them. It keeps our group small (5 people including myself) but, I never liked big groups anyway .

 

[Henry]

Besides our DM, we had three active players (myself and two others), and the rest have vanished.
...We'd have to be able to recruit at least two players who could commit to a weekly game (the DM won't run for less than four, and prefers around six).

Is there a particular reason the DM won't run the game for less than four people? You've got four players (including DM) who actively wish to game, correct?

This is just a suggestion, but some alternatives include:

1) Smaller-scale D&D game. If the DM refuses to DM for three people, is there another person willing to take the reins a while? I myself have DM'ed both 2E and 3E games for only three people; in fact, the roleplay aspect goes through the roof with that kind of DM/player ratio, as the DM has more time to devote to each character.

2) Another game besides D&D. Mutants and masterminds, the d20 Super Hero game, is excellent for three people. Spycraft, Star Wars, and also non-d20 games such as Savage Worlds and the White Wolf games work very well for only three people.

I hate to think of a group with ample players, a drive to get together and game, but has called it on account of inconsiderate people.

 

[Delemental]

Is there a particular reason the DM won't run the game for less than four people? You've got four players (including DM) who actively wish to game, correct?

I think his main hesitation is the fact that we're smack dab in the middle of City of the Spider Queen, which would probably result in a TPK if we tried it with 2-3 characters (the frenzied berserker that was run by one of the problem players made sure to cut a nice bloody swath, ensuring diplomacy was not an option).

He did run a short session once when it was just me and one other person, but it was essentially a random encounter.

This is just a suggestion, but some alternatives include:

1) Smaller-scale D&D game. If the DM refuses to DM for three people, is there another person willing to take the reins a while? I myself have DM'ed both 2E and 3E games for only three people; in fact, the roleplay aspect goes through the roof with that kind of DM/player ratio, as the DM has more time to devote to each character.

2) Another game besides D&D. Mutants and masterminds, the d20 Super Hero game, is excellent for three people. Spycraft, Star Wars, and also non-d20 games such as Savage Worlds and the White Wolf games work very well for only three people.

Though an alternate game would be a great idea, its probably not going to happen with the current composition. One player is fairly new to gaming in general, the other has no interest in running a game. I've personally found that my enjoyment of DMing is short-lived, and I lack the fortitude to sustain anything long-term (even a light-hearted, non-continuity style game). Our only hope would be to find someone new who was interested in the DM chair.

I would be in favor of a non D&D game. Heck, if we can't find a few more players, we may have to revamp the main game to something that would support a small group. One of the best times I've had in the recent past in a campaign was playing Adventure! by White Wolf.

I hate to think of a group with ample players, a drive to get together and game, but has called it on account of inconsiderate people.

And I hate to be in one.

 

[DragonLancer]

I feel for you. It is only a game but its a game that requires a level of commitment from all involved.

Good luck and I hope your game gets back on track soon.

 

[Sage]

Henchmen work fine when the group is too little. Actually, henchmen can be a great tool for a DM, he can kill them off in graphic displays of your foes power, he can help the party along the right path with them (but has to take care not to railroad the PCs), and last but not least, a single henchman is often a huge addition to a group (25% increase to a 4-person group).

Now as for getting more actual players, you can always put fancy posters up, maybe even put CotSQ pictures on it. Put them around universities or at public places. They'll probably pay off.
Ok, I admit most people are afraid of gamign with complete strangers, but that's what happens at a Con, so IMO there is at least a moderate chance that you'll find someone to game with.

Sage

 

[Magic Slim]

I think his main hesitation is the fact that we're smack dab in the middle of City of the Spider Queen, which would probably result in a TPK if we tried it with 2-3 characters (the frenzied berserker that was run by one of the problem players made sure to cut a nice bloody swath, ensuring diplomacy was not an option).

Well... Since the player won't be coming back, nothing is stopping you from "getting rid" of the Berserker, and bringing his body back to the people he has offended by killing a whole lot of them. I haven't read CotSQ, but couldn't that be an interesting role-playing possibility?

Following that, even if the group is small, perhaps the previously offended people could send a couple of "guards" to escort / keep an eye on the characters and thus provide reinforcements? (again, since I don't know the structure of CotSQ, maybe these suggestions are invalid).

Hope you find a way to get a good game going,

Slim