Well melee vs casting damage should be about the same at the max for the classes. Most of your top spells do 20d6 damage. Fighters are usually doing about 8d6+80 so its pretty even. Casters have empower, fighters can crit. Anywho that's a side note.
I think the point is at your final attack progression you should be doing around 120-150 points of damage if you max out the dice rolls and STR modifiers(no crits). Since most of your attacks only get 1/2 STR bonus, to compensate most of us think its really easy to just add more dice to the initial damage output. Try it out and find a good dice combo that works at 20th level.
Ok so you want to do the things all us fighters wish we had available. Look at the Weapon Master PRC from Tome and Blood. Basically this PRC takes your fighter and then makes him really good with one weapon and gives him things to up damage, increase threat range, crit mulitpier and a few other cool fighter things. I'd say that's a good place to start for stuff like what you're talking about.