Has anyone ever created a Feces Golem?

Tuzenbach · May 24, 2004

Now, if a cleric created one, would it not give an entire new meaning to seeing it in a dark alley, pointing, and proclaiming loudly "HOLY SH*T"!

Inconsequenti-AL · May 24, 2004

Who would make one?

Some guy in a Clive Barker novel (IIRC, Kissoon in The Great and Secret Show?) who used 'that kind of thing' to power his magic - at one point he 'crafted his own monsters' that he used for a bunch of stuff.

Anyway, he got stolen and used as one of my BBEG's a couple of years ago... even had a turd golem - I just took the stats for a clay golem and described the smell differently! The Monk was particularly put out by having to fight it.

I also encountered some sort of vile poo monster playing Rappun Athuk... IIRC, we took the sensible route and ran away from it. Screaming.

adembroski3 · May 24, 2004

I have a player who's been begging me to let him play a Fecalmancer for about 2 years now.

Beale Knight · May 24, 2004

Bruturz Bill (and I'm sure I'm misspelling his handle around here) had one in our first 3e campaign. An NPC nicknamed the "Turd Burglar" went around collecting all the neccesary components, and we saw him in action every once in a while. We had no clue what he was up to, but nonetheless refused to let him get close enough to our camps to collect anything (presumably he needed to gather it fresh). He was only one of several bizarre NPCs so we didn't give it all a whole lot of thought.

Several months of game and real time later - the golem was made and going after the town we were based in. We were returning from an adventure and came across the signs of destruction and piles of scattered excrement everywhere. And then we saw the golem itself, slllooooowwwwllllyyyy marching toward town.

The fighter and wizard types directly attacked and managed to trip it several times, the rogue handled the loose bits that were oozing their way back to the main body, and the monk sprinted to town to take on the turd burglar himself, and then helped direct the guard into reassembling the town ballista to help in the fight (long story about why -that- had to happen). By the time that help was ready I think we had beaten the thing already - and had no deaths!

We wiped the sweat from our brows as BBill quietly appluaded us!

Whizbang Dustyboots · May 24, 2004

Beale Knight said:
An NPC nicknamed the "Turd Burglar" went around collecting all the neccesary components, and we saw him in action every once in a while.

Your DM should be arrested.

D+1 · May 24, 2004

Krieg said:

Gary: That's nasty Wyatt.
Wyatt: That's Chet, Gary.

Love that movie.

rbingham2000 · Jun 1, 2004

I believe the Offal Golem is one of the monsters on the RealmsOfEvil site. The writeup on that thing officially grossed me out, especially with the description of the incredible stench coming from it and the friggin' maggots and flies that nest in it.

I can see a lich or other powerful undead creating one of these things to terrorize the people of an area and spread some ugly disease around, and only the most depraved of mortal magic-users would do the same.

Grazzt · Jun 1, 2004

Friend of mine, a while ago, created the Excremental.

Blue Orange · Sep 13, 2020

Part of assembling a golem is assembling the raw materials. This wouldn't be too hard.

I'd imagine it would have a strong stench attack and a successful physical attack would inflict disease, poison, and drowning. Presumably it would be vulnerable to fire, with the combustion of the material causing additional damage to those nearby.

There are actual cases of people using dead bodies in siege warfare to spread plague, so this isn't totally nuts. It might be a little gross for many games, though.