Help me introduce the game to my wife

[Moab2]

First some background: I used to play D&D back in junior high and high school (2nd Edition), but haven't played since. However, I play any D&D-related computer games I can get my hands on. That, combined with lurking here for more than two years, has given me a decent understanding of the 3rd Edition rules. I have maintained an interest in the game, and have often thought of giving it another go, but I don't know anyone who plays and don't really have the time or inclination to find a group.

Last week, my parents came to town for a visit and decided that it was time to return to me all the old boxes of junk that I had left in their garage. Among the boxes of old books and letters was my old D&D stuff. That night, I brought one of the books with me to bed, and my wife read along over my shoulder. She likes some video games and really enjoyed the Lord of the Rings (books and films). We even played the Nintendo Baldur's Gate games together. Then she surprised me by saying that D&D looked like fun and maybe we could try it sometime. The next day I remembered seeing the D&D Basic box at the bookstore, so I mentioned it to her. Long story short (or kind of short anyway), we ordered it from Amazon.

I find myself really looking forward to playing with her, and think it would be a great way to spend an hour or two a week, but I am worried she might not like it. She almost gave Neverwinter Nights a try, but couldn't get through character creation (too many choices, too confusing, etc.). I was hoping some of the great minds at this site would have some helpful suggestions for how to introduce the game to new people without overwhelming them with the rules. My wife is very smart (much smarter than me), so I am sure she could learn the rules quickly, but I fear that if she gets overwhelmed with what is, in all honesty, a very complicated game that she won't want to give it a shot. That would be a shame because I think she would enjoy it, and it would be a lot more fun than playing Neverwinter Nights while she plays Legend of Zelda.

So any advice would be most welcome. Thanks in advance for any help.

 

[Glyfair]

I was hoping some of the great minds at this site would have some helpful suggestions for how to introduce the game to new people without overwhelming them with the rules.

The best way to do this is to introduce her to the rules gradually. The basic set is a good start. Use those characters as far as it goes.

Once you get past the basic set, expand the character to whatever edition you plan to use. Explain the key points, but don't worry about anything until you need it.

Of course, it sounds like you are starting on a tough road. A single player game is always challenging. Indeed, my first advice in this situation is to find the right players to game with.

 

[Brother Shatterstone]

Of course, it sounds like you are starting on a tough road. A single player game is always challenging. Indeed, my first advice in this situation is to find the right players to game with.

It’s hardly a bad thing... Give her some likeable NPC that help flesh out her character and let her get use to the idea of roleplaying with the fear of looking foolish in front of a stranger.

 

[Odysseus]

What I used to do for new players is do all the character creation myself, based on their ideas. Everybodies seen fantasy movies. So all you have to do is try and translate their ideas into the rules.

 

[Dannyalcatraz]

1) Every time I've initiated n00bs to the hobby, I have relied on the assistance of other experienced players as part of the adventuring group. That way there is no over-chumminess, and the new player can get a little bit of that healthy "us vs him" attitude that good groups usually have in regards to their DM, and pick up on genre/game conventions without being lectured to, as the other players lead by example.

2) Have some pre-gens on hand to use either as examples or for her to run to get an idea of what the game is about.

3) Keep the first adventure short and simple- you want to introduce her to the game, not burn her out with an overenthusiastic marathon session.

4) Do a post-session recap to answer her questions.

5) If at all possible, try to get her friends involved in either the first or subsequent game sessions. Gaming is about cameraderie, and a familiar face can ease the tension.

 

[IronWolf]

When I taught my wife how to play (she is not a gamer, she just wanted to see what the game was about), we broke the character gen up into several evenings. Work on what class and race she wanted to be (after explaining them to her and having her read the relevant sections in the PHB). Then we generated the ability scores and such. Another night we chose equipment, inputted other stat information that needed it and so on.

As for the actual game, we did a two player game and a friend came down that is pretty patient and wen through the adventure we had lined up. Though she doesn't play these days, she learned what the game was about and had a decent time while we did it.

 

[DarrenGMiller]

I agree with the poster who said to create her character for her using her input. Then let her play the character for a few sessions to see how her choices and your interpretations of them play out in the game. Next character, let her do the creation. Also, draw up two helpful NPC's to accompany her, just be careful not to let them overshadow her PC. Just allow them to complement her abilities some.

After you have tried this for a month or so (4-6 sessions), it will probably (hopefully) be time to find some other players or join another game somewhere near you. Be careful about the players you recruit or join, because they will definitely have an impact on yours and your wife's enjoyment and opinion of the game.

I must say that you are a lucky, lucky man. My wife went with me to see Fellowship of the Ring and thought it was the most pointless thing she has ever sat through. She was happy I went to see Two Towers with our nieces and nephews so that she could stay home. She begged me to find other friends to see Return of the King with, but went along in the end and laughed out loud at several scenes (for example, she thought Shelob was hilarious, I mean a spider that big? Yeah, right). She has never understood the appeal of fantasy or science fiction. Her opinion is, if it is not possible or realistic, then why think about it? She thinks my gaming friends are just strange and that it is a bizarre male-bonding ritual of some sort (in her defense, some in my group ARE strange and it CAN be a male-bonding, I guess). I have given up hope of ever getting her to try it. Good luck in your return to gaming. May it bring you and your wife many happy hours!

DM

 

[3catcircus]

Hmm...

I've tried, on numerous occasions, to get my wife interested in it. I've tried introducing her to D&D as well as countless other RPGs I have sitting on my shelf. She doesn't get it.

Of course, she didn't *want* to get Star Wars, LotR, or Spiderman yet after she saw them in the theater, she grudgingly admitted that they were "ok," even though her public face to her friends is that they were "stupid."

Luckily, the guys in my gaming group are *normal* - we are all mid 20's to mid 30's, degreed professionals, with significant others and kids, etc. etc. - basically we are the standard suburban home-owner. This is important because it allows us to play D&D with only a shake of the head and roll of the eyes from the wives rather than it be a secret vice.

 

[Kae'Yoss]

Two things, more or less off-topic:

1. Welcome to the boards!

2. You lucky, lucky bastard.

 

[Klaus]

I've been told that the images on my website can really help a new player get into the idea of a character. It helps that there are several female illustrations.

The D&D Basic Game seems like a good place to start, since it introduces the rules over several sessions, and by the time your character is 2nd level, it will have introduced all relevant D&D 3.5e rules, and you can then move on to D&D.