Help me introduce the game to my wife

[Von Ether]

So any advice would be most welcome. Thanks in advance for any help.

My general suggestion for starting with DnD is that you design an 8th level character based on her description.

I find that when you say this game is all about imagination and heroics newbies get frustrated as soon as they ask to do over the top stuff. Most 1st level characters can't do what people see or read what their heroes do in the books and most aren't interested in "building up" to that level over several months.

You can turn the off with a a repeated litiny of "you can't do that yet, you can't do that yet." So make a PC that can deliver on their expectations of heroics. Better yet, pick a fantasy game that starts off new characters on a more competent level that 1st level DnD (regardless of edition)

To think of it another way, does one immediately give a serious art critque on a child's drawing? You let them draw outside the lines and have fun first. Later, as they get the nauances, do you start suggesting they put serious consideration into the compostion and lighting of the subject before they put pen to paper.

Even though your wife is more experinced with the concepts invovled, sometimes a single player game is better with a more experienced PC. It's easier to provide simplier challenges when you have some headroom. For example, an encounter with three orcs may be tough for a first level fighter, but a minor annoyance to an 8th level sorcerer.

 

[Queen_Dopplepopolis]

My general suggestion for starting with DnD is that you design an 8th level character based on her description.

I disagree. Having learned to play not so long ago, I found it incredibly difficult to learn with a high-ish level character (I had a similar background to the wife in question).

It wasn't until I had the opportunity to play and level up a 1st level character that I actually understood and enjoyed the game.

When I hadn't played and had a 9th level character in front of me, there was just *too* much going on. I didn't know how to use any of the things that were on my character sheet, let alone what they meant. But, when I finally had the opportunity to write up a 1st level character, I could understand everything that I could do and build upon it... the other way, I felt overwhelmed and was prepared to give up immediately b/c I felt the game was "over my head" and incredibly confusing. I found taking it step by step was much more enjoyable and much easier.

However, everyone learns differently.

 

[Oryan77]

I find that when you say this game is all about imagination and heroics newbies get frustrated as soon as they ask to do over the top stuff.

I see what you're getting at, but I have to agree with Queen_Dopplepopolis.

My gf had a hard time starting with just a 3rd lvl PC. Class skills, few feats, spells, abilities, and remembering what dice to roll is VERY confusing for a new person. It's overwhelming.

You can still do heroic stuff at low levels. I've never had a problem letting new players appear heroic by doing what they wanted to do. If they want to swing on chandeliers and swoop down on an orcs back, I would never tell them they can't. I'd let them roll for the chance, maybe even fudge the DC a bit, and what happens happens.

If they fail miserably on the roll, the player would enjoy the result a lot more if the chandelier ripped out of the ceiling and he crashed to the ground and felt a bit embarassed more than he'd enjoy hearing, "You're skills aren't high enough to do that well".

 

[sniffles]

First, get some wine. Lots and lots of wine.

Fill up 2 glasses to the rim and give her one.

Hand her a scrap piece of paper and ONLY the Player's Handbook.

Sit her down at the dinner table and tell her you are going to fix her dinner (or tell her you're going to prepare a plate for her of the fast food you just brought home)

Point out the pages in the book with the pretty pictures of different races and different classes. Tell her she doesn't have to read them, but to pick her favorite picture and tell you what she liked.

As you're fixing food, tell her briefly about her choices and what they actually are. While you're at it, tell her about the other races/classes in case one interests her and she'd like to look at the pictures again of those versions.

Your main goal is to get her tippsy off of the wine. That way she'll be relaxed and won't take all of this info too seriously. Begin slowly making her a character. The farther you get in character creation, the more technical it is. But the more technical it gets, the more she should have drank...so she won't mind!

Ya know, basically treat the situation like she would when she wants you to buy her something from a catalogue.

Excuse me?! What are you trying to do here? Not funny.

Women can learn the rules just as well as men. Start with the basics and work up. You don't have to be inebriated to relax and enjoy yourself, either. I joined my fiancee's group with no prior knowledge of roleplaying. The guys were polite and friendly and helpful. That's all it took to get me hooked.

 

[Dextolen]

I have used a 1st Edition module "The Sinister Secret of Saltmarsh" again and again as a D&D newbie icebreaker. For some reason, everyone absolutely loves it, including creatively minded women who are not rpg'ers. I think it's the scooby doo nature of the first part, the mansion.

I've never had a bad time running newbies through that great adventure.

 

[Arbiter of Wyrms]

D&D is all about options.

That's why so few people really ever get into it.

Limit the available options. From your wife's description of what she wants in a character, make up a 1st lvl PC for her. Simplify the character sheet. Run a short, simple adventure in plain English, avoiding game terms as much as possible. Use vivid description for all of the coolest features. Give the one villian simple, stupid, tactics, and let anything she tries work to give her success. Play up the rewards: thankfull villagers, treasure, including a cool magic item, and a treasure map.

Don't use plot twists or red herrings for the first adventure. Just present a clear bad guy, people in need of help, a skill check (like balancing on a rickity rope bridge), and single combat where the PC can get away but the villain can't and where the cards are all stacked in favor of the PC.

 

[Oryan77]

Excuse me?! What are you trying to do here? Not funny.

Women can learn the rules just as well as men. Start with the basics and work up. You don't have to be inebriated to relax and enjoy yourself, either. I joined my fiancee's group with no prior knowledge of roleplaying. The guys were polite and friendly and helpful. That's all it took to get me hooked.

Oh, don't get me wrong, the wine is just a tool If you see she's not interested in what she's read so far, you make sure you refill her wine glass. The more she doesn't seem to be getting into the PHB, the more wine you give her. My logic is that eventually she'll think the PHB is the coolest thing ever, ya know, like how beer makes the ugly guy in the bar eventually seem attractive. If she enjoys the PHB from the start, you still might want to fill the glass anyway...it's always fun to be alone & drunk with your significant other, especially when there's a PHB involved!

 

[Kealios]

Without reading the rest of the thread (quick lunch, sorry), I'd say two things:

1) Help her design her character by asking what she likes and dislikes, and what she hopes to do, and give her the mechanics so she can jump in and play (she'll learn all about feats and skills soon enough).

2) Give her more than combat. This may sound sexist, but not all women enjoy combat, and combat-oriented campaigns. My wife, at least, enjoys character development and intrigue and puzzle-solving FAR above fighting--that part almost turns her off at times. Be selective of the content you provide her until she gets a feel for the game and her play style--which can, in some gamers, take years to discover. But that's why we play, right? The discovery is all.

Kealios

 

[Moab2]

Wow. Thanks for all the responses. I really appreciate the help. Regarding which level to start out as, I think the Basic Set that we bought starts us out at 1st Level (but I could easily be wrong). That's probably for the best, as it might help her feel some sense of ownership for her character.

Since everyone is so helpful, I have another question: Do you think 1- to 2-hour sessions are too short? I think my wife would be much more receptive to playing if the game wasn't going to take our entire evening. Don't get me wrong, if we ever build up to a marathon session, I won't complain, but I don't see that happening any time soon.

Also, what adventures would anyone recommend for after we finish the Basic Set. I've played the Sunless Citadel adventure for Neverwinter Nights, and it seems like a great start, especially since it has so many follow-up adventures. But that is for 3.0, and I don't know enough to know how hard it would be to adapt for 3.5.

Again, thanks for any insights.

 

[SpiralBound]

Wow. Thanks for all the responses. I really appreciate the help. Regarding which level to start out as, I think the Basic Set that we bought starts us out at 1st Level (but I could easily be wrong). That's probably for the best, as it might help her feel some sense of ownership for her character.

I agree. Besides, starting her learning of roleplaying with higher level characters will create a skewed view of what a "starting" character is supposed to be like. There's a risk that she's never want to start with anything less than "heroric superheroes" as a beginning character.

Since everyone is so helpful, I have another question: Do you think 1- to 2-hour sessions are too short? I think my wife would be much more receptive to playing if the game wasn't going to take our entire evening. Don't get me wrong, if we ever build up to a marathon session, I won't complain, but I don't see that happening any time soon.

Keep it simple at first and add complexity as she's comfortable with it. This extends to the length and complexity of the sessions too. Let her set the pace. If you notice that she's beginning to get distracted of tired with playing, then suggest a break for the evening. Don't wiat till she say's she's tired of playing first!

Also, what adventures would anyone recommend for after we finish the Basic Set. I've played the Sunless Citadel adventure for Neverwinter Nights, and it seems like a great start, especially since it has so many follow-up adventures. But that is for 3.0, and I don't know enough to know how hard it would be to adapt for 3.5.

This next bit of advice applies to both experienced and newbie players: After finishing the basic set. Talk with the player(s) and find out what parts they liked best about the adventure and why. Ask what kind of adventure would they like to do next. Then plan (or in the case of prepublished adventures, choose) an adventure that provides the combination of gameplay and plot that they are most interested in doing next.