Help me introduce the game to my wife

[Von Ether]

I disagree. Having learned to play not so long ago, I found it incredibly difficult to learn with a high-ish level character (I had a similar background to the wife in question).

It wasn't until I had the opportunity to play and level up a 1st level character that I actually understood and enjoyed the game.

When I hadn't played and had a 9th level character in front of me, there was just *too* much going on. I didn't know how to use any of the things that were on my character sheet, let alone what they meant. But, when I finally had the opportunity to write up a 1st level character, I could understand everything that I could do and build upon it... the other way, I felt overwhelmed and was prepared to give up immediately b/c I felt the game was "over my head" and incredibly confusing. I found taking it step by step was much more enjoyable and much easier.

However, everyone learns differently.

We can agree to disagree.

I've just had to many potential players who wanted to swing from chandliers, be half dragons, and be miffed if they couldn't take out three lowly orcs in one blow.

I guess the key would be that at first I'd only have the d20 out on the table for the newbie. We'd deal with the character sheet later, or I'd simplify the sheet first. I agree that I'd never give a high-level sheet to a newbie.

 

[Von Ether]

She has never understood the appeal of fantasy or science fiction. Her opinion is, if it is not possible or realistic, then why think about it?

Because the things she takes for granted, computers, rockets, cell phones, debit cards and such weren't "possible or realistic" when her grandmother was born. A lot of these ideas were born out of science fiction, not just a "natural evolution" of invention.

Some interesting bits of reality from the past.

* You can't travel at 70 mph, or the wind would make you suffocate
* At one time, there was more evidence supporting the existance of unicorns than tigers
* Everyone thought Ben Franklin was going to die when he ate what was widely regarded as a posionous fruit, the tomato.

I also think a lot of people woulld be suprised to hear Grandma had to give her titanium hip joint back if they suddenly had to "pay off" the debt owned to science fiction for inspiring kids to become rocket scientists.

If no one looks ahead or sideways, how do you where ya heading, or where you can go?

Sorry for the hijack, but this is one of my personal pet peeves. Long story or short, a girl like Wolf70's wife ususaly has one date with me and then I don't even bother with a follow up call 'cause I know she's written me off already.

 

[DarrenGMiller]

Owch! I feel your pain, Wolf70!! That's gotta suck. Not *just* that she doesn't game with you, but that she simply isn't capable of sharing your love of fantasy with you... The only thing I can think of that would make that worse would be if she decided that it was "time you gave up this foolishness" and then waged a campaign of dominance-games in an attempt to cajol/force you to give up gaming... I hope that this never happens to you.

Well, I took a few years off from gaming when we got married (no gaming from '93-97, though considering that D&D was pretty much stagnating at that time and I HATED 2nd Edition, I don't feel cheated), until I could convince her it was harmless and not some demon worship or something.

I can say that she will never ask me to give up the game and never start an anti-gaming campaign. She respects my interests, she just doesn't share an interest in fantasy or gaming. The only time she even asked me to consider stopping was when my group was giving me gray hair because there was a lot of turmoil. I ended up taking about 6 weeks off and am now enjoying the game more than ever with new players who are more... stable (and a few of the older players) and more in my age group (there were some younger players making gaming too much like work... I am a teacher).

DM

 

[talien]

Since everyone is so helpful, I have another question: Do you think 1- to 2-hour sessions are too short? I think my wife would be much more receptive to playing if the game wasn't going to take our entire evening. Don't get me wrong, if we ever build up to a marathon session, I won't complain, but I don't see that happening any time soon.

Two hours seems too short. Four hours seem just about right for working adults who are pressed for time.

Also, what adventures would anyone recommend for after we finish the Basic Set. I've played the Sunless Citadel adventure for Neverwinter Nights, and it seems like a great start, especially since it has so many follow-up adventures. But that is for 3.0, and I don't know enough to know how hard it would be to adapt for 3.5.

Again, thanks for any insights.

I think any of the RPGA mods are great starters, specifically because they're geared for the possibility of new players.

Lots of points have been made here already so I'll try to add something new.

I just introduced my brother's girlfriend to gaming. She never played D&D before but has played EverQuest. I now have a completely different perspective on MMORPGs and their beneficial value on D&D. EverQuest did all the hard stuff for me: introduced a fantasy race (the cat people, whatever the heck they're called), the concept of "killing monsters and taking their stuff" and the use of magic, experience points, classes, and levels.

We reproduced the character she played on EverQuest. She played a fihali (catfolk in Arcanis, although technically from another world anyway) druid named Bijoux. I used eTools to generate the character based on a couple of questions. Mostly, I explained the skills and feats she could choose from and recommended a few. She was already familiar with the statistics.

That was it. No "read the Player's Handbook." No, "awww, here you go silly woman, pretend it's a catalog." Nothing like that. We just started playing. 15 minutes. Saeviomagy had it right.

My advice: ask her what character she likes most from Lord of the Rings and that's her race/class. Then it's abilities, skills, and feats, but that's up to how much she's interested in learning all at once (my recommendation, explain abilities, summarize each skill in a sentence, and forget feats until later).

Here's the rules she had to understand:
1) How to hit a monster and inflict damage (new concept).
2) How many Hit Points she had (EQ took care of this).
3) What her spells could do (EQ helped, as she knew what healing spells did).
4) How to make skill checks (new concept).

Whenever her character needed to do something, I picked a DC and told her which skill to use. She immediately picked up on that. Everything else was up to her.

I have to agree with Von Ether, the most off-putting part of D&D is the rules themselves. But like Oryan77, I think you should never say, "you can't do that!" to a new player. There's nothing more off-putting than playing a game about your imagination and having someone tell you over and over, "no, you can't do that."

You'll see all this fold out in my Arcanis Story Hour. Incidentally, Story Hours seem to be a fantastic recruiting tool for new players who want to be "part of the script": http://www.enworld.org/showthread.php?p=2272394#post2272394