How do I meet "mature" gamers?

[Vindicator]

I'm 33 years old, happily married, and have a beautiful 1 1/2 year old daughter (I refuse to call her "18 months". She's ONE, dammit!). Been gaming off and on since 1981.

The problem: every time I post ads at my FLGS that say things like "New D&D campaign starting up!" they are answered by slack-jawed degenerates. You know the type: the dudes who spend all day at the FLGS chatting with the owner, shuffling their Magic cards, and talking loudly about the latest addition to their anime porn collection. I wouldn't let these vermin around my wife, much less my little daughter.

But when I post ads at the local community college, they are always answered by guys in their early 20s who are--surprise!--going to college. Which is fine, of course; had some great groups with just college guys and me the elder statesman. But I guess I'm wanting to game with people who are more at my stage in life. People in their 30's who are married. People whose entire ambition in life is something other than "Graduate with a 3.5 GPA and get a job."

How do I find these people? Where are they?

BTW, sorry if this post seems bitchy. I'm depressed over this. Feeling isolated from the gaming community. [Insert self-pitying cliche here.]

 

[DragonLancer]

In all honesty, I don't know.

The gamers who show up in my LGS are the same sort of (and can I say this, being a gamer myself?) degenerates you decribe. I know right off that they are not the sort of people I would want to know in a social situation let alone sitting around a gaming table.

Check around your work collegues and see if any of them are interested? Thats if your comfortable mentioning the gaming to them.

 

[EricNoah]

Actually EN World skews older (mid-20s and up) -- you might have some luck just asking around here.

One of the biggest challenges with RPGs is finding the right people to play with. There is at least one online service -- I can't recall the address at the moment but maybe someone will help me out here...

 

[Gnimish88]

Um.... Get really lucky?

Honestly, I have pretty much run into the same problem. Usually it took a fair amount of stubborn determination and willingness to sort ones way through a number of 'bad' groups. I can't think of any games that really worked out that started from posting an add at a game store, on the other hand, one of the game store add people I applied to directed me to the group I am currently in. My best advice would be to hang out at the FLGS (which I am guessing stands for F(?) Local Game Store) and get to know the people who pass through/hang out there. I have been in a couple good groups that way, since casual gaming discussions usually allow you to figure out pretty quick if you are on the same gamer wavelength. This assumes that you have access to a store with a solid base of clients and at least some in store gaming besides CCGs. There was a great one for that in Seattle, but I have not had any luck finding anything near as good where I live now.
Hmmm... Think I am going to start a new thread.

Anyway, good luck and happy gaming!

 

[der_kluge]

Two questions - where do you live, and what do your FLGS ads say?

My experience has been, it all boils down to how your ad reads.

I would suggest making the ad read more like a personal ad. You laugh, but it will draw the kind of people you are looking for:


Mature, married 30+ year old gamer seeks similar for D&D, d20. Serious role-players only. Contact Vindicator...

That will attract the appropriate kinds of people.

FWIW, my group (we are all over 30)
married male, two children
married male, three children, masters in electrical engineering
married male, doctorate in psychology, one child
married female (wife of above), doctorate in paleobotany
married male, computer programmer (x2), two kids, and one kid
single male, computer operator (recently divorced)
married male, masters in biochemistry

 

[Carpe DM]

This is a hard one to answer. I have the same problem (30 years old, two small children, married). The dnd.meetups (the site is occasionally posted in the Gamers Seeking Gamers forum here) is one place to do it.

I think the best answer is to simply try a number of groups. A player in one group will know another player in another group, and so on. If your wife will put up with it, join a number of campaigns, and slowly drop out of the ones you don't like. Eventually through this networking you'll work your way into a game, or at the very least, find a list of people you wouldn't mind gaming with.

In other words, many games (especially anonymous startups) may have some people you wouldn't mind gaming with. Cull those, meet new people, until you have the basis for a solid group.

I've gotten lucky, except for the last two years. Prior to that, I lucked into two fantastic gaming groups, and had two wonderful year+ long campaigns that will go down into the history books. The last two years have been hit or miss, but that's my fault: I haven't tried hard enough to get into the local gaming scene because of an addiction to MMORPGs that I'm just now kicking.

I'm hoping to start on the right foot when I move to New York this fall: try groups, and look for something mature and strong.

cheers,

Carpe

 

[diaglo]

i post all over the internet.

i also have the patience of a saint... just ask my wife... that's what she tells me. (i won't go too far with that one or Eric's Grandma might come down on me)


here. over on the WotC Community boards RPG Classifieds

www.accessdenied.net

www.dragonsfoot.org

and so on and so on

and also check out yahoo groups or smartgroups.com

if you are ever in Hotlanta i know a great campaign of older gamers.

 

[der_kluge]

EN and Gnimish both bring up great points.

Ask the FLGS ("friendly" local game store) owner if he knows of any groups that are similar to you - mature, older, 30-somethings with kids. They exist, I can assure you.

My group (as mentioned above), were mostly all found via an ad my friend and I placed at an FLGS. I met one guy after responding to an ad he posted, and the rest just kind of grew from that. One guy was my best friend, another I met at work, and another I met at a convention (reddist on these boards).

Another idea - organize a game day. Most FLGS' have gaming areas set aside. Advertise on here, and organize a game day. Collect names and phone numbers of folks that show up. If you area has a local convention, they are a great way to meet other games.

Ask other gamers you meet. You might find gamers at Comic book stores, or comic book conventions, or sci-fi events.

Keep your ears open. I hear conversations in restaurants, or in stores from gamers. There is a whole group of guys that work at the Babies-R-Us in my area, who were all talking about their characters in the sippy cup aisle on night. Apparently, they have a long-running kingdoms of Kalamar game going on.

You might check on the MMORPG websites as well. Dark Ages of Camelot and Everquest might be breeding grounds for potential gamers. Some of these sites have areas that are devoted to geographic locations. You could potential recruit new players who are already into fantasy gaming - it's not much of a stretch to go from EQ to D&D. Heck, you could even play the Everquest RPG if you're willing to buy the books.

 

[der_kluge]

Ok, maybe I'm just babbling at this point (or procrastinating at work, not sure which), but when I moved to Kansas City, I got involved in two pretty awful groups. The first group was awful. One guy was under house-arrest for DUI, and his brother, who lived with him, wasn't the sharpest pencil in the box. They had a friend that gamed with them, and had no phone - at all. So, if he didn't show, they had no way to get a hold of him. That didn't last long.

The second group was better, one guy worked at an insurance company, his brother was a chemical engineer - but he wanted to go to clubs and get drunk every night. They had a sister that was apathetic, and a girlfriend that only gamed because her boyfriend did. They also didn't want to commit any serious time to it, so we only gamed on Thursday nights for a few hours. That also didn't last very long.

So, after that, my friend and I got serious about finding decent folks, so we went through a stringent interview process. It sounds degrading, but mature folks that are decent TOTALLY understand the need for that process, and will be perfectly willing, and understand that you will want to meet them before ever rolling up any character. And be sure to go into that process with the understanding that you may or may not choose to game with them, based on their gaming preferences, or the style of game that they prefer. It works, great. Trust me.

 

[Mystery Man]

If you're group needs to split the bill for Gas-x and a case of air freshener because of one player, you may not want this person in your group.