How do I meet "mature" gamers?

[Myrkveth]

Geez. I'm going to turn 36 in a few months, and I'm 'mature'?

Dang. It's bad enough I'm no longer in a 'key target demographic'....now I'm mature.

Seriously, check the gamers seeking gamers forum. ....

Ok, WizarDru, two things:

1) Yes, you are 'mature', but you're not as old as some of the rest of us, and

2) what is this "gamers seeking gamers" forum of which you speak?

I'll be 39 this year and I AM looking for a new D&D 3.5 player or two near Hartford CT for my homebrew campaign.

One potential problem with 'mature' players is that they sometimes up and move for career reasons without any consideration for a good gaming group. (C:

 

[Piratecat]

Gamers seeking Gamers forum here at EN World:

http://www.enworld.org/forums/forumdisplay.php?f=49

 

[kamosa]

I'm 33 years old, happily married, and have a beautiful 1 1/2 year old daughter (I refuse to call her "18 months". She's ONE, dammit!). Been gaming off and on since 1981.

The problem: every time I post ads at my FLGS that say things like "New D&D campaign starting up!" they are answered by slack-jawed degenerates. You know the type: the dudes who spend all day at the FLGS chatting with the owner, shuffling their Magic cards, and talking loudly about the latest addition to their anime porn collection. I wouldn't let these vermin around my wife, much less my little daughter.

But when I post ads at the local community college, they are always answered by guys in their early 20s who are--surprise!--going to college. Which is fine, of course; had some great groups with just college guys and me the elder statesman. But I guess I'm wanting to game with people who are more at my stage in life. People in their 30's who are married. People whose entire ambition in life is something other than "Graduate with a 3.5 GPA and get a job."

How do I find these people? Where are they?

BTW, sorry if this post seems bitchy. I'm depressed over this. Feeling isolated from the gaming community. [Insert self-pitying cliche here.]

Make sure you clearly state what age group and life style (IE not into anime porn) in your posts at the local gaming store. Just like you would never venture into a strange game with a bunch of slack jawed teen agers, most people in your predicament view those posts with quite a suspect eye.

My advice is to create a very cleanly typed message (no hand written messages) that clearly states your age, maritial status and how often you want to game. Say clearly what you are and are not interested in, in a gaming group. Be sure to include your email address in the message. If you don't want to make your email address public, get a temp account from yahoo or google and use that instead. Give people every opportunity to contact you in a safe enviroment. You'll be surprised in how many people will respond and how similar to you they will be.

Remeber, the people you want to game with are just as selective as you when looking for a group or new player. If you send them the right messages, I'm sure they will contact you in short order.

My wife and I just went through this as well. After a couple false starts, we've now ended up in a great new group. Good luck

 

[Gothmog]

So, after that, my friend and I got serious about finding decent folks, so we went through a stringent interview process. It sounds degrading, but mature folks that are decent TOTALLY understand the need for that process, and will be perfectly willing, and understand that you will want to meet them before ever rolling up any character. And be sure to go into that process with the understanding that you may or may not choose to game with them, based on their gaming preferences, or the style of game that they prefer. It works, great. Trust me.

Die Kluge is SO right about the interview process. It does sound harsh, but do you really want to associate with a bunch of freaks and invite them into your home? Didn't think so. I've been really lucky in that my core group consists of people I have known since high school, and who all share a similar playstyle and socio-economic background. They are good folks, and I've been running the same campaign with them for over 12 years now. Brings a tear to a DMs eye.

Seriously, if anybody figures out how to screen and find good, mature, and well mannered gamers, POST IT!!!! There are far too many Brian VanHoose's, Bitter Stevil's, and Gordo's out there among the gamer populace (for those of you not in the know, those are Knights of the Dinner Table characters). Another possibility to consider (and one I generally find superior), is to bring new people into gaming. Look for people at work with similar personalities, likes, dislikes, and senses of humor. Once you get to know them, just straight up ask if they'd be willing to try gaming. The worst you'll get is a "no", but in my experience, most of the folks I have approached this way have given it a shot, liked it, and played at least a year. Plus, this has the added benefit that you get to train them to YOUR style of gaming, which makes for smoother and more enjoyable sessions.

 

[billd91]

Hey, Gordo may be a total dweeb, but at least he's a fairly nice and generally inoffensive one. Newt's far worse.

But I digress...

I may be particularly lucky in this regard but I've got a whole bunch of friends who fit into my 30+ with kids demographic. In fact, we play a game every Sunday with just married couples. We set our kids to playing together and we break out the dice.
This group of friends actually has its foundations in the Boy Scout troop that 3 of us belonged to back in the mid 1980s. I had connections on and off with them after high school and then reconnected in the late 1990s when I got married and we had our first kid. Reading some of the rest of these posts, I feel very lucky that I have these connections.
I also seem to be pretty lucky with my main FLGS. The demographic of the employees there, and even the people who walk in, doesn't include too much of the gaming degenerate. Those types hang out at the student union and the FLGS closer to the campus. But then, my FLGS owner, Lory, has been in the business for a long time and probably attracts a different demographic just by the way she runs the joint.

 

[dagger]

I'm having the same problem as well. My long term group that i have been playing with for over 10 years does not play often enough for me anymore. I have been trying to find a new group that I am comfortable with and it has not been easy at all.

 

[EricNoah]

But then, my FLGS owner, Lory, has been in the business for a long time and probably attracts a different demographic just by the way she runs the joint.

Verona, eh? I'll be out that way tonight to play with my 30-something group. You caught my eye with that Lori comment -- I was like, "Hey, Pegasus Games has a Lori!"

 

[Gothmog]

Hey, Gordo may be a total dweeb, but at least he's a fairly nice and generally inoffensive one. Newt's far worse.

Oops- yeah I forgot about Newt. He's pretty disruptive and bad too, although I enjoyed watching him screw Stevil and Pete recently. Gordo just reminds me of too many "professional gamers" I have met, who live in their parent's basement, cash disability checks, has no real life motivations or aspirations, and have no social skills or clue about the outside world. Gordo isn't a bad guy, but not really the kind of guy you'd seek out either. That was my point, I suppose.

 

[Rodrigo Istalindir]

Not trying to read too much into your .sig, but perhaps you'd be better off recruiting new players from your church (or whatever) than posting blind ads in your FLGS or college campus.

I'm not being judgemental, but (in my experience) people who make a point of displaying their religious affiliations in venues where it is not relevant tend to take such affiliations a little more seriously than some. Finding people compatible with your beliefs that game may be easier than finding gamers that you'd welcome into your house.

 

[Vindicator]

In all honesty, I don't know.

The gamers who show up in my LGS are the same sort of (and can I say this, being a gamer myself?) degenerates you decribe.

Well, there's a difference between going to the LGS and hanging out there all day! Think of it this way: some English soccer fans are drunken, inbred louts, but most are normal, law-abiding citizens. Same with us RPGers.