How do I meet "mature" gamers?

[Lokishadow]

Go "old school"

I know how you feel. I'm only 25, but I've been married for 6 years, spent 5 years in the Marines, I have a child on the way, and, well, let's say I'm "gifted." Meaning I'm about 10 times more mature than 90% of Americans my age, especially those in the military. And who play RPG's.

The bulk of my "Mature Players" are old school 1st ed. players and DM's who have to be coaxed to give up their THAC0's and weapon proficiency slots. Most of them don't want to. They're set in their ways, and that's fine, because what you're looking for is a good GAME, not a good game SYSTEM. If you're looking for a good game system, get away from d20. It functions, and works well with the Final Fantasy crowd, but most people who play D&D, at least the 3.5 version, are more focused on "winning," rather than "gaming."

I'm getting a little off-track. The bulk of my experience with 3.5 is the twinks, the newbs, the power-gamers. Basically, the people who are insecure and unhappy with themselves, and are trying to find an iota of control over their lives. Or, at least, an escape.

Why else would they watch porn, and ANIMATED porn at that?

Try getting ahold of some old-school gamers. Advertise for some 1st and 2nd edition players, explaining that you'd like them to keep an open mind. Then, when they call you (or you call them), drop the bomb and ask them to give 3.5 a shot. You'll probably get a lot of "no's," simply because they refuse to give in to the rampant commercialism inherent to modern D&D.

Yeah, a lot of what I've said is both stereotyping and overly critical. I've got a lot of sweeping categorizations out there. They're not all right all the time, or even some of the time. They are a reflection of my experience. Part of the reason I reccomend getting a hold of old school AD&D players is because age breeds maturity. People who cut their teeth on AD&D (like you), are bound to be in their 30's or 40's, and thus would be more mature.

In short, you need to change your age bracket. My present DM, who's running one of the best games I've ever played, is a 50 year old retired Navy Chief Petty Officer. We're playing 1st edition, which is a little clunky, but the GAME is the most fun I've had in 6 years...not counting my wife of course.

Get older, get more mature. Have fun, wish you luck.

 

[Mac Callum]

There's two ways to find people: go looking for them; and send up a signal which brings them to you.

When looking for people (by posting online, or the FLGS, or church, etc.), way more people will see the message than you want to talk to. Help them screen themselves out so you don't have to. The slackjaws will never even call if they see "family friendly, must be tolerant of toddlers." That goes for any kind of posting. Start off with some big letters, like "GAMING FOR GROWNUPS", and then specify. Only more qualifies candidates will contact you.

Once they do, the interview process mentioned earlier is great advice. Meet for coffee, or a game of cards at the FLGS. Somewhere neutral where no one puts anything at risk. This is A LOT like going on a blind date.

Or, as an old sales manager once told me, "Use a really big net with really big holes. Everything small goes through, and only the best remains."

Throwing up a flag does not require that you tatoo "gamer" to your forehead. Just be yourself, and let people know you game. Don't avoid it in conversations. If people at your Church or workplace know you game, its pretty much a guarantee that they will know you as a person first; well enough to know whether or not they want to game with you. If it doesn't, just mention changing a diaper while describing an orc ambush.That should keep the teenagers away.

Another "flag" are your D&D books. A new player in my group is from my wife's office. She's not a 'flaming' gamer, but she was working on her quest notes for the game she runs during lunch. Another peer approached her, and that was it. He's starting next week. Another strategy available to you is to take your daugter somewhere (like the park/ McDonald's playplace/ etc.) with your spouse. While the one plays with your little girl, the other can watch while working on a quest or character. Only other parents of young children will be there. Maybe one of them will ask about a game.

 

[Tormenet]

I wouldn't let these vermin around my wife, much less my little daughter. QUOTE]

It is unnerving to invite strangers into your home.

My primary group rule, which everyone has to agree to before joining our game: "I must feel comfortable with you in my home. I have small children. If you give me even a slight cause for concern- you’re history." I have enforced it.

I found my players by posting ads here, other RPG sites, and on our local RPG e-mail list. Be patient, I found a fun group of guys from mid-twenties to mid-thirties.

Set up a few "tests." I have player's write a background and require no evil characters (for the time being, but it is a good test for people I meet through the internet). Reading what they write and how it adheres to my campaign requirements is a good start. Meeting them on neutral ground before they join the game is good also.

Good luck! If you live in the DC area see the thread on the gameday, probably meet some good folks there.

Tormenet

 

[Humanophile]

Lots of other people have given good info here, so I'll just repeat it while weeding out the bad stuff.

First, if you have any friends who you think would get into D&D, go right up and ask. There might be a few enclaves of 80's-esque paranoia still floating around, but I'd wager that most people see D&D as mostly benign. And it's not like D&D couldn't stand to have more mature gamers recruited.

Second, you might have to advertise, online and/or at your FLGS. In this case, think long and hard about what you say... and more to the point, what you don't. "Mature" is an overused buzzword that tends to draw in sociopathic characters (what, you like mature issues, don't you?), and things like "non-powergamer" are par for the course. A simple ad pointing out who you are and what you want... 30something with kids, looking for only occasional gaming due to limited free time, etc. should do the trick. (Frankly, if a college kid is socially apt and fine with only occasional gaming sessons, I don't see that being a problem.)

Now your biggest issue is what role you want to play in the game. If you want to be a player, you have little control over who's going to be in the group, so you might have to let your standards slide a bit. Doing otherwise is like writing up a personals ad asking for the sun, moon, and stars and seriously expecting such. Still, joining up as a player allows you to go to someone else's house, and those first few games can be considered just a trial.

If you want to DM, great. Normal friends you invite over can have things explained over time, and as for people who reply to your ads, you can either have the whole potential group meet up at the FLGS or a nearby bar/resteraunt for a "test drive". You should be the only one with everyone's phone number, and the people who are worth spending time with get callbacks while creeps get stuck out. Don't focus too much on the interview - there are all sorts of "right answers" that creeps and munchkins can rattle off in their sleep by now - but just chat normally about games and gaming, and get a sense of people. Call back those who come across well, and you should have a good core right there.

 

[Vindicator]

I'm not being judgemental,

Oh no, of course not. [rolls eyes] You do realize of course, that anytime a person feels the need to say "I'm not being judgemental", that's probably exactly what they're being.

but (in my experience) people who make a point of displaying their religious affiliations in venues where it is not relevant tend to take such affiliations a little more seriously than some.

And in my experience, people like yourself who make an issue of a person's religious affiliation are among the most intolerant people there are. But of course, you wouldn't think of yourself as intolerant. Oh my, no.

If my sig offends you, don't read it. And if my religious affiliation is not relevant to the topic, which it isn't in this case, then don't make an issue of it.

 

[Bran Blackbyrd]

What's mature gamers, Precious?

I just recently had an encounter that reminded me there aren't any within striking distance of me.

 

[adembroski3]

Great thing about Fargo... we have, essencially, 2 gaming stores... Omni Games and Paradox Comics. The degenerates you speak of go to Paradox, so I avoid that place like the plague.

The vast majority of gamers that I meet at Omni are fairly mature... they're not 30, but they're not 14 either. Generally in the 22-27 area, which is perfect for me (being 25 myself).

I would say if you are in a big enough area, find another store. See if perhaps you have the same type of split. Don't limit yourself to the stores that sell huge amounts of RPGs... often you can find role players at stores that specialize in warhammer type games. Warhammer seems to attract a more mature audience on average.

 

[Piratecat]

Vindicator, relax. You were a lot more hostile than you needed to be, and I don't believe he was attacking you or your religious affiliations. In any event, please keep this thread friendly and on topic.

 

[Bagpuss]

How do I find these people? Where are they?

You need to have started gaming with them 10 years ago. That's my experience.

 

[WizarDru]

I've really only ever followed two simple rules for gaming groups:

1) Never game with someone you wouldn't want to hang out with when you're not gaming. D&D is a social event, and I've never gamed (except at one con in particular) with people who I wouldn't go the movies or dinner with, for example. If I don't enjoy their company out of the game, it's a good bet I won't enjoy it in the game, either.

2) If you can't find enough gamers, Make some. Seriously. I'd guess that roughly a third of the people I've gamed with in the last 25-odd years were brought into gaming by me. Many folks would game, if invited or given the chance. Often, they find it isn't really their thing....but many times, they find that it is. I've found that some of my players tried to get into gaming, but were pushed away by the anti-social behavior of some players. When presented with gaming in an enjoyable setting, they found that it wasn't the game that had been the problem, but the people who they had tried gaming with...see Dru's rule number 1.

Piratecat already pointed to a link to the Gamers Seeking Gamers forum (thanks, PC!), so I'll just point out that you can often find potential gamers everywhere. Church, school, work and everywhere else. Inviting in a person to play may take time: you need to address their concerns about the hobby, warm them to the idea of the game and allow them to get comfortable with how to play.

One of the greatest things my mother ever did was suggest we host the games at our house. She kept an eye on things, to make sure we were doing anything creepy, and kept an open mind. She soon found nothing to be concerned about (and most likely thought it was keeping us off the streets ). A good strategy is to schedule a few simple sessions, stressing the role-playing aspects far less than the actual mechanics. Many people find the rules intimidating due to their volume. Showing them that they don't need mastery of the rules to have fun is a major hurdle that is worth jumping.

It is for this reason that I'm greatly anticipating the new D&D boxed set. My hope is that it will be for this generation what the Moldvay Red Box was to the previous one. (and will let me teach my kids the game, to boot).

Good Luck finding a new group.