How do I meet "mature" gamers?

[Vindicator]

Two questions - where do you live, and what do your FLGS ads say?

Kelowna, British Columbia, Canada. Population: 100,000. (Kelowna, that is, not Canada ). My ads are usually snazzy affairs with cool graphics, etc...but I haven't tried the "personal ad" approach yet.

FWIW, my group (we are all over 30)
married male, two children
married male, three children, masters in electrical engineering
married male, doctorate in psychology, one child
married female (wife of above), doctorate in paleobotany
married male, computer programmer (x2), two kids, and one kid
single male, computer operator (recently divorced)
married male, masters in biochemistry

You're trying to taunt me, aren't you? Seriously, you've just listed my DREAM group. I don't suppose you live in Kelowna????

 

[Vindicator]

The dnd.meetups (the site is occasionally posted in the Gamers Seeking Gamers forum here) is one place to do it.

What is this dnd.meetups of which you speak, Carpe? Is it a website? A usenet group? What? I'm intrigued....

 

[Vindicator]

So, after that, my friend and I got serious about finding decent folks, so we went through a stringent interview process. It sounds degrading, but mature folks that are decent TOTALLY understand the need for that process, and will be perfectly willing, and understand that you will want to meet them before ever rolling up any character. And be sure to go into that process with the understanding that you may or may not choose to game with them, based on their gaming preferences, or the style of game that they prefer. It works, great. Trust me.

Cool. This is a good idea and I'm definitely going to use it in some form.

 

[Vindicator]

Personally I've tended to recruit players from among my circle of friends. This brings in people my own age or at least on a similar wavelength with me, plus it's great fun to seduce newbies into the hobby!

StalkingBlue: Hi, come on in.

Newbie: Uh, okay. [enters cautiously]

StalkingBlue: We're just going to play a little game. [dims lights]

Newbie: What's...what's the game called?

StalkingBlue: Dungeons & Dragons. You'll love it, trust me. [begins massaging newbie's shoulders]

Newbie: Well...well okay. But be gentle.

StalkingBlue: Oh, I will.

[70's porn music begins...]

Sorry, I couldn't resist...

 

[MerakSpielman]

Going to your FLGS to find mature gaming partners is about as effective as going to the bar to find true love.

If you want to find mature, intelligent, well-adjusted gamers you have to go to where mature, intelligent, and well-adjusted people hang out, and filter through them to find the gamers. Going to where gamers hang out and filtering through them for the mature, intelligent, and well-adjusted ones is bound to be a painful task.

I strongly suggest looking for prospective players in other social groups you hang out with. Churches, clubs, organizations, etc... Wherever it is you go to be around like-minded people.

My last gaming group, which has sadly dissolved after 2 years of solid gaming, my wife and I found at our church. That group had small children, their average age was mid-to-late thirties, and they were mature and professional.

They're out there. You just have to keep looking.

By the way, I've just started a thread in Gamers seeking Gamers. Prospective child-friendly players in Albuquerque check it out!

 

[niolo]

I am a part of a couple mature groups.
I met one group while browsing in a game store. The couple looked decidedly different from typical gamers. I struck up a conversation and have been with them for a few years now. They usually "recruit" from within their company (a large aerospace company), which encourages employees to meet outside the work scene by subsidizing clubs. The club subscribes to Dragon and Dungeon, buys many books and subsidizes pizza with minimal dues. It has been successful.
My other group I met online via a list (GreyTalk). I met with the DM and we chatted over coffee. That has been pretty much the process. We have one member from advertising at a LGS. One is a fellow I used to work with, one is a colleague of another player and one is a peer from law school. The others were long time friends.
I've found that since I've been more "open" about gaming that I've found more gamers that are like us and less like typical gamers.

 

[Magistus71]

What is this dnd.meetups of which you speak, Carpe? Is it a website? A usenet group? What? I'm intrigued....

http://dnd.meetup.com I think is what the person was refering to, though I am hesitant about some of the meetup topics, you bound to meet as many slackjaws as you are mature gamers using this method. Though it is a way to meet people away from your wife and daughter and see if any meet what you are looking for.

 

[Ferret]

Maybe you don't need to meet people in your age group to find good gamers, I know loads of people at my school, some can play, even fewer can sensibley.

On a lighter note, maybe a local library? I won't stop 'smart' people joining, but fewer 'fan boys'.

Words in single speech marks may or may not hold noraml meaning, such words may require some interpretation. Macine washable.

 

[der_kluge]

Seriously, if anybody figures out how to screen and find good, mature, and well mannered gamers, POST IT!!!!

I think you can learn volumes from someone when you ask the following questions:

What kinds of games do you like?
What kinds of games have you played in the past?
What is your preferred style of game? (FWIW, just because someone likes a lot of combat, doesn't make them a bad player...)
Describe your last character. (If they list off stats and magic items, be wary..)

 

[roytheodd]

I'm 33 years old, happily married, and have a beautiful 1 1/2 year old daughter (I refuse to call her "18 months". She's ONE, dammit!). Been gaming off and on since 1981.

The problem: every time I post ads at my FLGS that say things like "New D&D campaign starting up!" they are answered by slack-jawed degenerates. You know the type: the dudes who spend all day at the FLGS chatting with the owner, shuffling their Magic cards, and talking loudly about the latest addition to their anime porn collection. I wouldn't let these vermin around my wife, much less my little daughter.

But when I post ads at the local community college, they are always answered by guys in their early 20s who are--surprise!--going to college. Which is fine, of course; had some great groups with just college guys and me the elder statesman. But I guess I'm wanting to game with people who are more at my stage in life. People in their 30's who are married. People whose entire ambition in life is something other than "Graduate with a 3.5 GPA and get a job."

How do I find these people? Where are they?

BTW, sorry if this post seems bitchy. I'm depressed over this. Feeling isolated from the gaming community. [Insert self-pitying cliche here.]

Funny that you ask this now as I'll be relocating to Los Angeles in July and I'll be trying to scrape up a group of mature gamers too. Having worked in a game store I know that the answer does not lay in posting on the cork board. It is generally too young a crowd, too weird a crowd, or an RPGA crowd (not that that's a bad thing, but on average they're a little too serious about their gaming for my tastes). Most of the time I simply find gamers by sheer magnetism. If I work with them I find them, if I go to church with them I find them, if I befriend them in any way gaming always comes up and I find them. Heck, in the short run I'll probably begin by replying to calls for players and try to keep in touch with those that match with me.