[humor] The Top Ten Things you don't want a new player to say at the first game...

[Orias]

Continuing on the Everquest-themed ones, I think it would be hilarious if some kid said

"Can u bind me 2 freeport send telz plz!"

My friends & I were talking, & we think it would be hilarious if a bunch of people got together for a Con to play a game for some DM they have never played with, & they ended up playing D&D like Golden Axe.

DM: "Ok, I made up some pregen characters for you guys to play. There's this chick in a red bikini with a sword, a guy in a blue loincloth with a bigger sword, & this dwarf in green with an axe that rolls around..."

Players: "Ok...what's their names?"

DM: "Don't worry about it. Ok, you're in town..."

Players: "What's the name of the town?"

DM: "Don't worry about it. Ok, this old guy comes up to you & tells you some people are attacking the town, his name is Alex...some brigand runs up & kills him"

Players: "I draw my sword to attack - 12 initiative, 8, 17"

DM: "No, the guy already killed the old guy & ran away. Ok, now there is this disembodied hand in the sky, & it's flashing towards the West"

Players: "What the hell? Alright, we go west"

DM: "A bunch of brigands jump from the North & South areas & attacks you all."

*fight*

Players: "Ok, we try to return to the town to investigate"

DM: "You can't go that way"

Players: "What?"

DM: "Like, after you've traveled for a little while, you can move back beyond this line that's kind of following you"

Players: "This is outrageous!"

DM: "Ok, you go forward some more, & then four more brigands, & a brigand on a two legged lizard pop out"

Player: "Ok, I attack the brigand on the lizard"

DM: "The rider falls off, & now the lizard sits down..."

Player: "I jump on the lizard"

DM: "Ok, now, instead of swinging your sword, when you hit the 'A' butto....I mean, when you try to attack, the lizard spits out fire"

Players "......."

 

[shouit]

"WOTC ? Neat name... I usually play White Wolf games."

This is just wrong... I like it..


True story...

"Are these good stats?" pointing at character sheet back in 2e... lowest stat was 17.. and 18(99) in Strength. He rolled them in front of the group.

 

[drnuncheon]

"Third Edition sucks. Why can't we play [2e/Rifts/Synnibarr/SenZar/Spawn of Fashan/with this great 3rd edition add-on I found on the net]?"

"I brought my favorite character. His name is Waldorf."

"So, you guys are all pre-clears, huh? Let me give you these pamphlets."

"Sorry guys, I was at Taco Bell for lunch and my car wouldn't start, so I had to walk. Man! Hot enough for ya?"

"This is my character. He's just like the main character in this series of books I'm reading..."

"I brought my sub along, but her cheerleader outfit is at the cleaners. Wait...just what kind of 'role-playing' do you do here?"

J

 

[Stormfalcon]

Hey! Where are the witch babes? The pamphlet I got off that street preacher said that witch babes play this game!

 

[Trickstergod]

"So I've got this monk..."

Or,

"So I've got this psion..."

Least, those are things I personally don't want to hear a new player saying. Makes my eye and ire all twitchy-like.

 

[Harlock]

"Your daughter is hot, man... is she single?"

"I hope you don't mind, but my friend here is stoned and I couldn't leave him alone at my house what with all the puking!"

"This? Oh, this is my plush Meowth, I bring him everywhere."

"Can you get your wife to bring me a beer?"

"My other DM always cooks us dinner... when do we eat?"

"Blackleaf!!!"

 

[Rashak Mani]

Munchkins and Power gamers always start with this:

"My character is the son of the Count/Duke/Baron (insert nobility or royalty title)."

 

[Burne]

"I've never played 3rd Edition before, is it alot like FATAL?"

 

[Moe Ronalds]

"So, when do we cast REAL magic?"

"Hey, I found these neat little comics on the web. You guys know you're going to hell, right?"

"RPGs? Oh, I've played one of those before! Can I have Bulbasaur!?"

"Hey, these are some funky math candies you've got- *cough**sputter**wheeze**die*"

"I named my Character Gallstaff/Blackleaf/Drizzt..."

"I'm playing a wizard, so I figured a good wizarding name would be Elminster/Gandalf/Dumbledore/Merlin."

 

[lastelias2]

P: I don't like the way the shopkeeper is looking at me.... I kill him.

DM: You are in the middle of the town square in broad daylight. We just started.

P: He's goin down.....

DM: What happens when the town guard show up?

P: I kill them too.

(Actually happened)