I hate Christmas

[Warrior Poet]

There is nothing "practical" about a pen that costs more than a hundred dollars.

I would like to suggest an alternative interpretation about this. Actually, a pen of such cost can be very practical (in my opinion). I own a Mont Blanc pen that was a gift to me from my father, as it sounds like you have been in a similar situation. I have owned the pen for years. Though it is not the most expensive Mont Blanc available, it is a very nice pen that was not cheap.

It's the finest writing instrument I've ever used. Literally. Not just because it's expensive. But it is expensive because it was made so well, so precisely, so carefully, that it writes better than any pen I've ever encountered. It's fairly practical, in that it is a really good pen, highly durable, goes well with casual or formal wear (I know, this seems silly in the context of a pen, but it can apply, depending on your job, or whatever), and writes like a dream.

Anyway, not only was it a really nice gesture from my father, it's also practical, and it's lasted longer than any other pen I own, precisely because it was made well enough that it would last. So it's kind of a combination of practical and extravagant and memorable.

Also, Warlord Raltz, I love your posts on this board. I would add something from my own interpretation to something very interesting you said.

Caring about someone isn't giving them what they want.

I would say, "Caring about someone isn't giving them what they want, but can sometimes involve giving them what they want."

Storm Raven, I guess kinda the thing about all this is how you approach it. If you think your family's behavior is rude, fine. I don't know your family. But how you respond can say a lot. You don't think they get you thoughtful gifts. Fine. Get them thoughtful gifts anyway. They're rude, but you don't have to be. Don't like Adam Sandler? Cool, I'm not a big fan either. But I'd get my brother-in-law an Adam Sandler movie if I knew he liked them, even if my brother-in-law didn't get me what I wanted, and even if he got me something I specifically didn't like (assuming it's not, like, say, an apple with a razor blade in it, or something, in which case I'd have to get my brother-in-law committed), and even if he intentionally got me something I specfically didn't like (razor-blade apple examples an exception, obviously). In the case of the latter, future gift exchanges would probably be altered, but anyway.

I'm not making much sense. Hmmm. I'm kind sorry I stumbled into this thread. It's really grim. I gotta go.

Warrior Poet

 

[Storm Raven]

I worked at a Vietnamese refugee camp helping people better themselves by teaching them to speak English and use computers. They were always grateful and very polite. I was invited many times to share in what little food they could afford and I was always humbled by those gestures. From your previouse posts, I think it's fair to guess that it was your own attitude that made people hostile towards you.

Maybe it is just Africa. Many people we worked with were hostile to everyone. Accepting help apparently insults their personhood.

 

[Henry]

How something like "I'd prefer to not receive any gifts this year. I'm lucky to have all the things I need and want. If your holday spirit compels you to spend money on me, please share that spirit by making a donation to [Storm Raven's favorite charity] in my name. Happy Holidays."

I'm almost tempted to do that very thing.

 

[Desdichado]

I worked at a Vietnamese refugee camp helping people better themselves by teaching them to speak English and use computers. They were always grateful and very polite. I was invited many times to share in what little food they could afford and I was always humbled by those gestures. From your previouse posts, I think it's fair to guess that it was your own attitude that made people hostile towards you.

I had very similar experiences in South America. Did some people hate me just because I was American? Sure. But most of them were very welcoming, appreciative that I thought them valuable enough to expend that much time and effort.

 

[PowerWordDumb]

if the joy is in the giving, then you should give something the recipient wants.

Bzzzt! Incorrect.

You could give them something they want.
You could give them something they need.
You could give them something you hope they can use.
You could give them something you like in the hopes they'll like it too.
You could give them something you made.
You could give them something you saw that made you think of them.

There are plenty of options, and "What they want" is only the least of them. Almost all the other options demonstrate far more thought and caring tham simply picking something off an inflated "I want" list.

 

[buzzard]

The more I hear from SR the more I think my magazine example is appropos. He has been getting things he has clearly indicated he did not want. It doesn't not take a rocket scientist to avoid buying unwanted gifts when the information is clearly presented.

But since everyone seems to be focused on the spirit of the thing, let's ask a different question. As it is said to be all in the spirit of giving, and it is the season is the season of giving, then the gift and recipient don't matter right? I mean if I give $100 to a political party in your name that you don't like because I think it is for the best of you and the country, the spirit of the gift would be correct right? You'd have no cause to complain without being a grinch.

buzzard

 

[Storm Raven]

How something like "I'd prefer to not receive any gifts this year. I'm lucky to have all the things I need and want. If your holday spirit compels you to spend money on me, please share that spirit by making a donation to [Storm Raven's favorite charity] in my name. Happy Holidays."

If I did that, I am sure I would get a copy of The Simpsons: Season Five or something like that. Their thinking would probably be something like "he said he would like that Aeon Flux collection, so he likes animation, but Aeon Flux is weird, he can't possibly want that, so let's get him The Simpsons, even though he hasn't ever actually watched that show".

 

[PowerWordDumb]

I'm almost tempted to do that very thing.

That's always a great option. Somehow, I find it more meaningful to put that out there as the recipient than to receive one of those "we made a donation in your name to some cause we care about" cards. I don't know why really, it's probably the recipient disengaging himself from the gift line that makes it seem more meaningful to me.

 

[Ralts Bloodthorne]

And that sucks as a gift. Giving someone something they don't want is not in the "holiday season". It is thoughtless and rude.

It sucks as a gift, yeah, but it's also part of fatherhood. You're child gets you something that a father uses, that they associate with being a father.

It's not thoughtless and rude. It's a child (usually around the age of 10) who bought thier father some cologne or aftershave, who took the time to think, and look, and liked the fancy label and felt box.

yeah, it's cheap crap cologne, but it isn't the gift.

It's the fact that your 10 year old son bought it for you.

if the joy is in the giving, then you should give something the recipient wants.

If they want it that bad, they can quit begging me for it and buy it themself.

You're looking at it more like: "Get me what I want, it's Christmas" when that isn't the meaning of Christmas or gifts at all.

You should surprise the recipeint, maybe get them something they'd never get themselves for various reasons, or maybe get them something thoughtful.

All I see from the "pro-personalized gift" people is that you want to "give something of yourself" in the gift, and don't want to just get someone something they want. That's the height of self-centered rudeness.

Oh, this I gotta see.

You are setting your desires ("to give something of yourself") above the desires of the recipient. You are deciding that your enjoyment in giving a gift you like is more important than their enjoyment in getting a gift they want.

THEY WANT! THEY WANT!

Dude, you're like a broken record here.

Requiring me to get you something you want isn't gift giving. It's extortian. Seriously, all it is is emotional blackmail. You're basically blackmailing family and friends to get you what you want, rather than get you what they'd like to get you. You might as well tell them to take you to the store with them so you can pick what you want. Oh, and they'll pay for it.

And I'm the rude one? I don't think so.

Sorry, but you are. Seriously, how much more evidence do you need? If this was a federal case, they'd be leading you off in chains for your appointment with Mr. Happy Needle in Riker's by now.

Without acknowledgeing it, you are perpetuating one of the rudest practices I can think of.

Trust me, there's a lot ruder practices.

See, you give a gift out of the spirit of generosity, not on the demands of the recipient.

The example I set for my son is that he gets gifts he actually wants. He understands that my generosity is in getting him something for him that he thinks is cool, not something I think is cool.

Well, without delving into different parenting styles, are you at least teaching him to be grateful when he gets a gift that wasn't on his list?

 

[Storm Raven]

You could give them something you hope they can use.
You could give them something you like in the hopes they'll like it too.
You could give them something you made.
You could give them something you saw that made you think of them.

There are plenty of options, and "What they want" is only the least of them. Almost all the other options demonstrate far more thought and caring tham simply picking something off an inflated "I want" list.

Wrong. Every single one of these options places your desires above the desires of the recipient. If you were truly generous and giving, your hopes and desires would not enter into the equation. These are just gifts that make you feel better that you are guessing they will like. If they don't, they shouldn't have to feign happiness because you decided to put your own desires above theirs when you came up with your gift.