I hate Christmas

[Storm Raven]

This was my first thought. If Storm Raven cared about his father, he would take care of the pen and use the pen, because it reminded him of his father and his generosity.

I already had an expensive pen. I lost it, almost immediately. I said "never get me another expensive pen, I will probably lose it, and be concerned about losing it until I do". He got me a pen. Sure I would try to care for it, but I know myself. I'll put it down somewhere and forget it, because I do that with small objects like pens. I don't actually carry a cell phone around with me for that very reason.

 

[d20Dwarf]

I am forced to conclude, as Storm Raven already has, that his family actively dislikes him and does not want to get him the things he wants. This makes me a little bit sad for him.

 

[Storm Raven]

Wow. I figured, hey, maybe the guy's just being misunderstood. Maybe I'll reach out a hand and try to help him reconcile with his dad. Maybe it'll do him some good.

My dad died ten years ago. I was seventeen at the time. I never got to know him as an adult, just as a parent. I regret not being able to call him up. I regret not being able to get really bad gifts from him. I miss the dickens out of him.

If he's going to get me gifts I don't want, why should I take his desires into consideration when I'm getting him a gift? Everyone in the thread has been telling me that it is the giver's desires that are the most important, and that the recipient should be happy to get whatever the giver deigns to bestow upon him. I think he needs crappy Chris Farley movies. if his desires don't count (you know, like the book he said he wanted), why should I get it for him. I mean, if I'm just going to get him a book he wants, I should just hand him the cash.

 

[marshmallow]

National Lampoon's Crhsitmas Vacation
The Waterboy
An action figure of John Goodman from Blues Brothers 2000
A sweater vest (I never wear sweater vests), and dislike them
A set of rubber shoe covers
A revolving tie rack (I have a tie rack, a nice one, and the giver knew this)
A ceramic hedgehog footscraper
A set of ceramic frogs

Now, go back and look at my list. It has been in that vein for the last couple years. How could you extrapolate from my list that I would like any of those things?

Did you even watch the movies? Then how do you know if you like them or not? Maybe the person who knew you had a tie rack thought you might like this one better? Maybe the person who bought you the sweater vest thought you'd look sharp in one if you'd give it a try?

You just never know if you might end up liking or being able to use something. A few years ago I got a serving platter for Christmas that I didn't particularly like or think I'd ever use, and it's been in the basement, until just a few weeks ago it turned out to be the PERFECT size and shape for an appetizer I brought to a party.

Gifts are gifts. They are not an obligation. I'm wondering how much of this "hating gifts" is really hurt feelings that your relatives either don't know you well enough to "know" what you want or won't listen to you.

But I will tell you this: your attitude makes all the difference in whether you like a gift or not.

 

[diaglo]

Many people think that the poor starving masses of the third world are appreciative of help when people try to give it. But the blunt truth is that many are not. Many are angry because of their own helplessness, and the fact that you represent concrete evidence of their helplessness. Many are not only not appreciative, but downright hostile because of this. It insults their strength as a person to accept aid from you, especially since you come from a culture that they see as a historical oppressor. People who do relief work in third world countries expecting to feel gratitude and appreciation are often sorely disappointed. You have to do the work for its own sake, not for any appreciation those you help will give you. If that comes, it is a bonus.

the key is not to go for gratitude and appreciation. just go. be one of them. live with them. show them you are human just like them

diaglo "whose wife worked for the Nica govt while our govt paid to kill her friend" Ooi

 

[Storm Raven]

Why should I even get them a gift. It isn't a gift if you give them exactly what they want. I might as well just hand them the money.

If you get me something I don't want, you may as well not even get me a gift. You didn't think about me when you got the gift, you thought about yourself - and what you wanted me to have.

Really? I find that interesting that you believe that it makes the giver the center of attention. A gift is meant to put you a little in the attention circle, by saying: "I cared enough to get THIS for you."

More like "I cared enough to get you something I wanted you to have, nevermind what you actually want." With that sentiment, just count me out. You keep your money and your false generosity.

How?

Because you perpetuate the lie that somehow, getting someone somthing you think they shoudl have, rather than what you know they want is being generous. In point of fact, it is the epitome of selfishness.

 

[PirateMary]

If he's going to get me gifts I don't want, why should I take his desires into consideration when I'm getting him a gift? Everyone in the thread has been telling me that it is the giver's desires that are the most important, and that the recipient should be happy to get whatever the giver deigns to bestow upon him. I think he needs crappy Chris Farley movies. if his desires don't count (you know, like the book he said he wanted), why should I get it for him. I mean, if I'm just going to get him a book he wants, I should just hand him the cash.

You don't have to take anyone's desires into consideration. Don't put up with that bull. When are they gonna realize it's all about you. You decide what gifts you get, you decide what gifts they'll get. Hell, send me a list of the gifts you think I should get too since no one but you knows the proper way to gift.

 

[diaglo]

How something like "I'd prefer to not receive any gifts this year. I'm lucky to have all the things I need and want. If your holday spirit compels you to spend money on me, please share that spirit by making a donation to [Storm Raven's favorite charity] in my name. Happy Holidays."

best suggestion so far.

 

[Storm Raven]

Did you even watch the movies? Then how do you know if you like them or not? Maybe the person who knew you had a tie rack thought you might like this one better? Maybe the person who bought you the sweater vest thought you'd look sharp in one if you'd give it a try?

I have previously seen Christmas Vacation. It was eh, and I don't usually like Chevy Chase. The giver knew this. They knew I didn't really like the movie.

I hate Adam Sandler. I have said, never get me an Adam Sandler movie. I have seen chunks of The waterboy, more than anough to know I hate the movie.

The tie rack purchased was chinsier (by far) than the one I already have. The giver knew this. He got it as a floor sample, and it was cheap.

I don't like sweater vests, and don't wear them. The giver knew this.

Gifts are gifts. They are not an obligation. I'm wondering how much of this "hating gifts" is really hurt feelings that your relatives either don't know you well enough to "know" what you want or won't listen to you.

They don't listen. That bothers me. if you are going to get me something I don't like, don't bother. I won't be offended. If you do get me something I don't like, I'm going to return it or give it away.

 

[Eternalknight]

Caring about someone is putting their desires above your own.

I have a friend I care about. This friend does drugs, to the point of abusing them and hurting himself. His desire: to keep doing them. My desire? To see him stop hurting himself.

Does this mean I don't care about him?