I hate Christmas

[Storm Raven]

You're assuming that the giver has put no effort or thought into the gift, or maybe is doing it maliciously to insult you. It's that assumption I find incredibly insulting and rude. But you and I obviously disagree on what's insulting and rude.

If I give you a list of what I want, and you instead, buy me something else that's insulting to me. It is not endearing. It is not a pleasant surprise. It means that you decided that you know better than me what I want. It means, for the most part, that you didn't bother to look for what I said I wanted, and just got what you could find.

And to tell the truth, you will probably get it wrong. I like the original Star Wars Trilogy, and have them all on DVD. I do not like the prequel trilogy and own none of them on DVD. There is a reason for that. You, guessing, would probably think "hey, he likes Star Wars, let's get him a copy of Attack of the Clones or Revenge of the Sith, he'll like that". And no, I won't, because I do not want them, and have no desire to ever own them.

Or, even more likely (if you are a member of my family) you will think "he likes movies, let's get him a copy of Billy Madison, I loved that movie". And in fact, I hate Adam Sandler with the passion of 10,000 burning suns, and will be offended to even have a copy of any of his movies in my house for the 24 hours before I can go to the store and return the stupid thing. And I will be offended that you didn't remember that I hate Adam Sandler movies.

But you will expect that I will pretend that I liked your gift, and appreciate it. Well, here's some news: I didn't. Your gift was an awful choice. If you had stuck to the list, you would have made me happy, showed you cared about what I wanted, and showed that you actually took the time to get me something for me, and not a gift you would like for yourself.

 

[Jonny Nexus]

Well, the spirit of Christmas is certainly alive and well within you. Maybe, instead of demanding gifts, just tell them to get you nothing; if I got a demand like what you made, you'd be very lucky to get anything from me at all.

Ditto. You have no right to either demand that someone give you a gift, or tell them what that gift should be.

What you do have is the right to ask them not to give you a gift. If the gifts that they are giving you are upsetting you, then I suggest you exercise that right.

 

[diaglo]

Ditto. You have no right to either demand that someone give you a gift, or tell them what that gift should be.

What you do have is the right to ask them not to give you a gift. If the gifts that they are giving you are upsetting you, then I suggest you exercise that right.

ditto.

but like Storm Raven i donate gifts i don't like to charity. and when the original giver asks me why they never seeing me wear or use said item. i tell them i gave it to someone more needy.

mitt trees, toys for tots, food bank, goodwill... there are a lot of charities looking for help before, during, and after the holidays.

 

[Umbran]

If you consistently buy me crap I don't want, would never want, and will never use, you haven't put much thought into the gift.

But, if you just pick an item off a list, you aren't exactly putting a lot of thought into the gift either.

And that's part of the problem. A real gift-giver wants to get you something you like, but thye also want to express themselves. A gift from them to you may mean something. A gift from your list to you means... that they can pick from a list.

It is, however, my observataion that you can't manage to do this properly unless you live with (or are otherwise in close contact with) the person in question. My parents were excellent gift-givers for me, up until I went away to college. After that point, they couldn't see what I'd enjoy without asking me directly. And that's kind of sad.

These days, I do a list, but I either make it broad, or long. I don't care much about recieving, but I want to facilitate giving. I want the giver to be able to find something on my list that says, "This is from me..." I try to make it easy for them to express themselves to me.

For me, X-mas isn't about what the reciever wants, so much as it is about generosity and sharing. If they put thought into it, even if it is the wrong thing, they do show they care. And that's what I really care about.

 

[Storm Raven]

For me, X-mas isn't about what the reciever wants, so much as it is about generosity and sharing.

If you buy someone something they don't want, then that displays neither generosity nor sharing. That displays selfishness. You didn't get what they wanted, you got what you wanted them to have. Generosity involves giving the recipient what they desire, not something you think they should desire.

 

[Storm Raven]

You have no right to either demand that someone give you a gift, or tell them what that gift should be.

Then you have no right to expect that I should pretend to like what you gave me. And no right to be upset that I returned it for something else, or gave it away.

If you get me something I don't want, I'm not keeping it.

 

[Dingleberry]

Umbran said it better than I could've. Giving you a gift other than one you specifically requested does not equal not putting thought into it. Are you saying that you'd be insulted by anything a person gave you that isn't on your list, even if it turns out to be something you love?

 

[PowerWordDumb]

I would prefer to get no gift rather than a gift in which the giver put that little thought.

Not getting what you want is not the same thing as someone putting in very little or no thought. Perhaps they genuinely thought you could use item X, or they don't like buying off lists because of the lack of surprise or the naked greed it implies?

Frankly, you come across as the one with the problem here, not your family. If you're going to return or regift items, do it with class, and accept whatever you're given with a smile on your face and genuine gratitude that they decided to get you anything at all despite your antics.

 

[Dingleberry]

Then you have no right to expect that I should pretend to like what you gave me. And no right to be upset that I returned it for something else, or gave it away.

Of course, you have no right to dictate what upsets other people. That's no different from someone telling you you have no right to be upset that someone bought you gift that wasn't on your list.

 

[Storm Raven]

Umbran said it better than I could've. Giving you a gift other than one you specifically requested does not equal not putting thought into it. Are you saying that you'd be insulted by anything a person gave you that isn't on your list, even if it turns out to be something you love?

No. read my message again. I said that getting me something that is not on my list runs the risk of getting something I don't want, and I will not feel bad about returning or giving away any gift I don't want. I also pointed out that my tastes are going to be hard for anyone to figure out (even my wife doesn't know entirely what I do and do not like). So I've made it easy on my family - I have told them what I like. Freelancing is risky, just because I like The Lord of the Rings doesn't mean I want a copy of the Dungeons and Dragons movie. If you get that for me, then I will return it for something I want.