I hate Christmas

[Ralts Bloodthorne]

Then you have no right to expect that I should pretend to like what you gave me. And no right to be upset that I returned it for something else, or gave it away.

If you get me something I don't want, I'm not keeping it.

Merry Feast of the Pig.

This whole tirade of yours is why I rarely bother to even worry about what I'm getting so many people.

They return it.
They carp about it.
They snivel it wasn't on thier list.
They don't notice that I went out and got it, spent money I could have bought a 6-pack of beer with, took the time and effort to actually think of them, and cared enough to buy a gift.

I came from a "we got gravel and pretended it was coal" poor family growing up.

Honestly, your degree of selfishness and "Gimme what I want just reeks of spoiled little brat to me.

You list fairly expensive gifts (3-5 hours of my hard work, depending on what job I'm doing) would make me just cross you off my list. Since you obvious feel that it is your God given right to complain about a GIFT, and to be ungrateful, selfish, and downright demanding, I'd excersize my right to buy you card that said the following:

"Life is tough
Times are hard.
Buy your own damned
Christmas Card"

I mean, seriously. You parents bought you a nice fountain pen, something to set on the desk and have as a nick-nack, and all you can do is whine because they didn't buy you your favorite DVD off of a list?

Try being grateful that they actually bought you something. Say "Thank You", place it on your desk where it looks nice, and move on with life.

Christmas isn't about GETTING WHAT YOU WANT, it's about giving out of the goodness of your heart.

 

[buzzard]

Personally I have to go with SR on this.

People throwing away money on unwanted items is just stupid. The polite face that one has to put on about loving the gift, even if you loathe is it a farce.

I'd rather get nothing from people than have to do the ritualistic polite lying that is inherent in random unwanted gifts. I hate to lie. I don't particularly enjoy doing it even to be polite.

I make a list each year and provide it to people who are likely to buy me something. If they get me nothing, fine. If they follow the list, fine. If they simply give me a gift certificate, that is fine as well. However if you buy me something I'll never use and expect me to be grateful, I'll probably have a hard time doing the polite lie thing to make you happy.

I still have one Christmas gift given to me that I never wanted sitting on a shelf. I suppose I should just drop it off at Goodwill or something. I just never get around to it.

buzzard

 

[Storm Raven]

Not getting what you want is not the same thing as someone putting in very little or no thought. Perhaps they genuinely thought you could use item X, or they don't like buying off lists because of the lack of surprise or the naked greed it implies?

I have told them I generally don't want things not on my list. Why should I have to pretend to be happy getting something that I didn't ask for, and do not want? I don't want a surprise. In point of fact, I dislike surprises, and I have made no secret about this to anyone who knows me. If you are going to spend money, spend money on something I actually want, don't throw your cash away on something else.

Frankly, you come across as the one with the problem here, not your family. If you're going to return or regift items, do it with class, and accept whatever you're given with a smile on your face and genuine gratitude that they decided to get you anything at all despite your antics.

Ah yes. The pretend happiness. That's what is important. When someone does a crappy job at getting you something you want, despite your attempts to aid them in getting you something you actually do want, you should pretend that you are happy about it. That is the stupidest social convention of the holidat season. If you get me a crappy gift, despite my suggestions as to what would be a good gift, then you deserve to feel bad. I am going to be disappointed, and probably out the next day taking your gift back. I don't think I should feel gratitude when someone gets me a gift I don't want, despite my attempts to direct them to a gift I do want. The gift giver is rude in that case - they ignored my desires, and substituted their own.

 

[PowerWordDumb]

I don't think your message is inherently wrong - "I'd like this stuff please if you're going to spend money on me". We all like to have gifts that we open that we genuinely like.

I think the problem's in your presentation. Whether you mean to or not, you come across as extremely selfish and rude and focused on the items rather than on the intent behind the gifts. I suspect you don't really want to do so, but that you're struggling to find a way to get the message across clearly. At some point you may simply need to accept defeat on the issue and smile happily before going off to return/exchange your gifts. Or you could just keep them and enjoy them in the spirit they were given, if they're not too horrible.

 

[billd91]

I maintain a list on Amazon.com for stuff that I would like and direct people to it even if they don't intend to shop on Amazon to get it. If someone buys something on the list, they usually just let my wife know and she takes it off my list. I do the same for her.

I have to say that I empathize with Storm Raven to a certain degree. Consistently getting gifts off list, way off list in some cases, is annoying, especially when that gift is fairly expensive and pretty much useless to you. I too would be particularly irked at an expensive pen. I too have always considered expensive pens a ridiculous luxury when a Bic does the job just fine.

That said, I try to keep a lid on my complaints because I don't really want to sound ungrateful and I try to never let the giver know if I'm really irritated. I just quietly return the thing and move on. Over the years, my sister and my wife have both made the most missteps when getting me gifts. To this day, I'm not sure my wife knows how many things she's given me that I've taken back. On one occasion, I had caught wind from clues she dropped that she got me a Game Boy Advanced. She thought I'd like it because I was playing a friend's GBA at a get together. In reality, I hate the little things (I've never liked Nintendo's pad controllers) and was only noodling around a little to check it out. So I subtlely steered the conversation in the direction of console and handheld games one day and let it drop that I didn't like GBAs. She persisted in giving me the unit and I promptly took it back to Toys R Us and got some Legos instead. The following year, she did a little more feeling out of what I wanted when it came to bigger ticket items and we got an Xbox instead.

My mother learned years ago it was easier to buy off my list, partly because she knew I was very interested in gaming, movies, and music and going from a list helps her avoid duplicates.

 

[Dingleberry]

No. read my message again.

You mean this one?

If I give you a list of what I want, and you instead, buy me something else that's insulting to me.

 

[PowerWordDumb]

I have told them I generally don't want things not on my list. Why should I have to pretend to be happy getting something that I didn't ask for, and do not want? I don't want a surprise. In point of fact, I dislike surprises, and I have made no secret about this to anyone who knows me. If you are going to spend money, spend money on something I actually want, don't throw your cash away on something else.

Because it's not all about you, even when you're receiving gifts. You're no less expected to be gracious at christmas than you are in any other family situation. Your family aren't giving you 'bad' gifts to insult or infuriate you, they're trying to make you happy in their own way, which may not follow your script. Such is life.

 

[billd91]

And to tell the truth, you will probably get it wrong. I like the original Star Wars Trilogy, and have them all on DVD. I do not like the prequel trilogy and own none of them on DVD. There is a reason for that. You, guessing, would probably think "hey, he likes Star Wars, let's get him a copy of Attack of the Clones or Revenge of the Sith, he'll like that". And no, I won't, because I do not want them, and have no desire to ever own them.

It's at this point that I think Storm Raven is getting too snitty. Seeing a particular movie on the list and getting something similar is not buying way off list and should be accepted with grace (even if you do, ultimately, decide to return it). When it comes to lists, people often think, "Oh, someone will probably get him that but this is close and might come as a nice surprise," and that IS reasonably thoughtful.
It's also a good way to discover something that you didn't know you liked.

 

[Dingleberry]

About the "fake happiness": it's all perspective. Even if I don't like a gift I've received, I'm still thankful that the person spent the time, effort and money in an attempt to make me happy, and I can honestly say "thank you for the gift" even if I know I'm never going to use it. Nothing fake there. The gifts I treasure most aren't treasured because they were exactly what I wanted - I treasure them because they make me think about the person who gave them to me. An expensive pen from my parents, knowing my father loves pens and probably put a lot of thought into picking out one he thought I might like? Even if I never used the pen, I'd think fondly of my father every time I saw it sitting on the desk.

 

[fett527]

I want, I want, I want. I'm insulted, I'm insulted, I'm insulted. I'm annoyed, I'm annoyed, I'm annoyed.

I'd venture a guess someone needs a little lesson on what Christmas is really about.