I hate Christmas

[Eternalknight]

"It's the thought that counts" is an empty phrase that people who actually didn't put any thought into their gifts like to resort to to make themselves feel better about the fact that they didn't bother to buy the recipient something they actually wanted. I told you what you wanted - you got me something else. That's not thoughtful. That's rude.

I would prefer to get no gift rather than a gift in which the giver put that little thought.

No, what is rude is you complaining about it. You got an expensive pen. Do you realize how lucky you are, even though you didn't want it? Maybe, instead of returning gifts you don't want, give them to an orphanage or charity; then people who don't get ANYTHING will have a merry christmas as well, and you won't have to put up with a crappy gift.

 

[Storm Raven]

While I agree that your family should try to do a better job at Christmas, and I think that Gift Certs are the way to go, I sincerely hope that you don't send that message. It kind of makes you look bad.

I have tried to be subtle and polite about this in the past. It didn't work. Apparently, they don't hear me when I say "I would like X" and instead buy me something completely different.

Left to themselves, my family and my wife's family get me bad gifts. One year I got an action figure of John Goodman's character from Blues Brothers 2000. I have no idea why someone would get me an action figure of a character from a movie I have never seen, nor expressed any interest in seeing. It sat on a shelf for a year or two collecting dust before I gave it to Goodwill.

 

[Storm Raven]

No, what is rude is you complaining about it.

No, it is rude to get someone something they didn't want and expect that they will be happy about it.

You got an expensive pen.

When I explicitly told them I wanted something else. When I had previously told them that I don't share my father's love of pens, and don't ever want an expensive pen.

Do you realize how lucky you are, even though you didn't want it?

I am lucky that my parents wasted money on something I previously told them I don't want, will never want, and won't use? I'm glad that having my wishes ignored is something I should feel lucky about.

No, I don't feel "lucky". Nor should I. If you have to say "it is the thought that counts" then you didn't put any thought into the gift. I'm tired of putting on a happy face when people get me crap I don't want. All that does is make them think they did a good job selecting a gift when they didn't. All it does is feed the idea that buying me crap like that makes me happy when it does not.

Here's what people should do when someone buys them a crappy gift: tell the giver that you didn't like what they got. Maybe they will get the hint next time and get you what you want. I should not have to feel bad and pretend you got me a nice gift just to save your feelings if you put that little thought into the gift. You screwed up. Next time, get me no gift instead.

Maybe, instead of returning gifts you don't want, give them to an orphanage or charity; then people who don't get ANYTHING will have a merry christmas as well, and you won't have to put up with a crappy gift.

That would be the part where I regift the item or give it to Goodwill. Perhaps you missed that.

 

[PirateMary]

I'm happy getting anything, anything at all. Just receiving means that I was thought of, regardless whether my desire for the gift is considered. Many years, growing up, I watched my sister's receive the gifts I asked for. It hurt at the moment but I got to use it too. No big deal. Gifts are the enhancements to an already special holiday. Just be grateful you were thought of enough to receive a token, whether you consider it a good or bad gift.

 

[Eternalknight]

That would be the part where I regift the item or give it to Goodwill. Perhaps you missed that.

My apologies, I did miss that. Still, I cannot agree with you making demands so that you get good gifts. That just comes off as spoilt, arrogant, snobbish and shallow. Christmas shouldn't be about gifts; it should be about family.

 

[Storm Raven]

My apologies, I did miss that. Still, I cannot agree with you making demands so that you get good gifts. That just comes off as spoilt, arrogant, snobbish and shallow. Christmas shouldn't be about gifts; it should be about family.

If you are going to spend money on a gift, it should be something that the recipient wants. I'm as annoyed by the fact that my parents wasted money on the pen as I am that they ignored what I actually told them I wanted to get it for me.

If you are going to ignore what I want, I will return it for something I do want. If that offends you, don't get me anything. That is better than wasting your money on something I don't want.

 

[Eternalknight]

If you are going to ignore what I want, I will return it for something I do want.

And nothing wrong with that. But after reading that email, how are your family going to feel? You are basically telling them that if they screw up, you are going to be annoyed at them. Although you might be, and that is your perogative, do you really have to make them feel bad about it?

 

[Storm Raven]

And nothing wrong with that. But after reading that email, how are your family going to feel? You are basically telling them that if they screw up, you are going to be annoyed at them. Although you might be, and that is your perogative, do you really have to make them feel bad about it?

I have put up with pretending I liked stuff they got me for years. Stuff they got me after I explicitly told them I wanted something else. They should feel bad if they continue to ignore a request made this explicitly. Heck, they should feel bad for ignoring my previous, polite requests. All my pretending that I'm not annoyed is going to do is give them the impression that they got me something I liked, when they really didn't.

If I tell you "I want X" and you go out and get me something else (and cost is not an issue here, the pen in question cost me than anything on my list), then the fallout is on you, not me. I gave you directions, and you ignored them in favor of being "spontaneous" or "surprising". I do not like either of those things. I will not feel bad that you decided to ignore my requests and freelance. That's your fault, not mine.

 

[Eternalknight]

Well, the spirit of Christmas is certainly alive and well within you. Maybe, instead of demanding gifts, just tell them to get you nothing; if I got a demand like what you made, you'd be very lucky to get anything from me at all.

Let's put the shoe on the other foot for a moment. If you got an email from someone telling you that, what would you think?

It's certainly obvious that money is no issue; I'm guessing it was no issue when you were a child either; in fact, I'd hazard a guess that you were spoiled as a child (that is not an attack on you, by the way; if you were spoiled, that is not your fault). I guess, with our different background (assuming I am right), we are going to just have to disagree on this issue.

 

[Dingleberry]

If I received an email like that from a family member, (1) I'd be incredibly insulted, (2) I'd never buy another gift for that person again, for any occasion, and (3) I'd never accept a gift from that person again, for any occasion.

If you're intent is to hurt people's feelings and drive a deeper wedge into your relationship with these people, then you've definitely found an easy way to do it.