I need bad D&D jokes! (my players stay out)

[CRGreathouse]

How many Half-elves does it take to light a candle?
A. Surprisingly only 1, it turns out that half-elves are good for something after all.

 

[Old Fezziwig]

Here's another...
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What's the difference between a half-orc bard walking through a city and a flumph walking through a city?

The flumph is heading to a gig.
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Best,
tKL

 

[XCorvis]

Go find the D&D pickup lines thread - that had me rolling on the floor...

 

[Kilmore]

A dwarf and an elf step into a restaraunt and sit at the table. The waitress asks if she could take their order.

The Dwarf says. "I'll take a 24oz steak. Rare. With a bottle of Dragonfire."

The Waitress responds, "And what about the vegetable?"

The Dwarf looks at the elf and growls, "He'll take the steak too, and HE'LL LIKE IT!"

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How do you get two (Planescape) Bleakers out of a tree? Cut the ropes.

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[BiggusGeekus]

Carmon was on his deathbed, the old Dragonlance warrior was slipping away and about to shed his mortal coil. Beside him, his wife Tika was there.

"Tika?" Caramon beckond.

"Yes dear?" she replied.

"You have been with me through all the decades. We were atacked by draconians together. You supported me when my brother tried to ascend into evil godhood. You stood by my side when our son passed away. And I've just realized something."

"What is that my beloved?"

"I think you are bad luck."

 

[Dagger75]

A half-Orc walks into a bar, the bar tender says "We don't serve your kind here!"
The half orc responds "Thats good, I just wanted the mutton."

 

[orbitalfreak]

Q: What's nine feet long, has six legs, and flies?
A: Three dead halflings!

Q: Why don't halflings plan for the future?
A: They're shortsighted!

 

[Piratecat]

I love you guys.

Keep 'em coming!

 

[Xarlen]

Three orcs walk into a bar. The fourth one ducks.

 

[EOL]

What do you get when you cross a half-orc and a pig?

Nothing, there's just some things you can't get a pig to do.