I would play a bard if. . .

[Fishbone]

Did you even read the SRD quote above?

"While these abilities fall under the category of bardic music and the descriptions discuss singing or playing instruments, they can all be activated by reciting poetry, chanting, singing lyrical songs, singing melodies, whistling, playing an instrument, or playing an instrument in combination with some spoken performance."

While it is called MUSIC, it doesn't actually have to be music. How much clearer can the rules be?

Chanting, singing, whistling, playing an instrument, PLAYING AN INSTRUMENT WITH SPOKEN PERFORMANCE.
Just roll you Perform:Mechanically Superior Instrument and then say whatever the hell you want, roll a Perform:Epics check if you want.

 

[Vyvyan Basterd]

Chanting, singing, whistling, playing an instrument, PLAYING AN INSTRUMENT WITH SPOKEN PERFORMANCE.
Just roll you Perform:Mechanically Superior Instrument and then say whatever the hell you want, roll a Perform:Epics check if you want.

First, it's funny how you skipped RECITING POETRY. Do you consider that to be singing/playing an instrument? I don't. And seeing that poetry need not rhyme, I don't see it too far of a stretch to using spoken stories to activate the Bardic Music requirments.

Second, I read the above list as some of the ways a Bard can activate his Bardic Music ability, not an exhaustive list. All of the example have two things in common. 1) They fall under the Perform skill to govern their use and 2) there is some kind of sound element to them. As long as the type of performance meets these requirments why would you stop a player from having some freedom with the type of bard they envision?

Further evidence:

Once per day per bard level, a bard can use his song or poetics to produce magical effects on those around him (usually including himself, if desired).

(PERFORM CHA)
• Oratory (epic, ode, storytelling)

Bardic music specifically mentions poetics. The only poetics listed under Perform fall under Oratory. So, Perform (Oratory) is perfectly valid under RAW, no singing or instruments need be involved.

 

[Darklone]

Perform (warcries). What's the problem?

 

[Chimera]

So, Perform (Oratory) is perfectly valid under RAW, no singing or instruments need be involved.

VB, you're arguing with someone who doesn't care about reality. He has an idea in his head and he's insisting on being right, regardless of proof to the contrary.

 

[Amitiel]

Honestly I'd love to play a bard. Unfortunatly I'm the DM at the moment. Most people don't like bards because they force you to roleplay. You basically have no choice. But if you're going to play a bard there are a few musts.

First, beg borrow or steal Song and Silence, and Complete Scoundrel

Second, choose your music instrument wisely, Bones are a favorite of mine.

Third, HIGH INT, no really, despite being cha based your skills are your life. If your human pick up the Able Learner feat (Races of Destiny, cross-class skills are treated as class skills), Knowledge skill and UMD especially are your friends. It also makes Bardic Knowledge checks more useful.

Fourth, choose your spells to complement your music (ie my aforementioned choice of Bones (appies penalties to opponant moral checks vs. fear + 1st level Bard spell Cause Fear. A most interesting combination)

Fifth, if your party continues to complain your useless in combat, take Dragon Disciple prestige class for your 7th level.

 

[Vyvyan Basterd]

VB, you're arguing with someone who doesn't care about reality. He has an idea in his head and he's insisting on being right, regardless of proof to the contrary.

I really need to join PAA (Pointless Arguments Anonymous) because one of my players goads me into stupid arguments that take time away from everybody else at the table. I have a problem.

 

[just__al]

I'm playing a bard in an ebberon campaign. We're essentially special forces for one of the kingdoms. VERY rudimentary firearms are in play along with all the ebberon goodness.

He's chaotic good, and his battle cry is "no killing" but he very effective in making others very effective. He does spend an AWFUL lot of time altered into a trogdolyte (to the point that everybody sings "wild thing! you make my heart sing..." when he inspires courage.

Sure he doesn't do a lot of damage, but he's a minor healer, major buffer, and howling mad murdoch crazy. Plus max ranks in use magic device come in handy often.

 

[Fishbone]

Hahaha! Does he make evera-thing grOOOOvy?

 

[Fishbone]

VB, you're arguing with someone who doesn't care about reality. He has an idea in his head and he's insisting on being right, regardless of proof to the contrary.

I know what the rules are, I just say its contrary to what the bard traditionally represents. And yeah, I'm not so much of a hard ass that I wouldn't allow custom magical devices(Pomeroy's Persuasive Podium sounds fantastic) but I wouldn't be all that happy about it, either.

 

[Belen]

I fixed Bards by giving them access to the Wiz/Sor spell list in addition to their own. That is all the class needed.