phoamslinger
Explorer
Judgement
OK, first of all let me make clear that I understand a lot of people like 4E. by all means keep writing 4E adventures if that suits your gaming style and your choice of system won’t affect my judgements at all. however, I dislike what I’ve seen of the new system. I think it’s 2 dimensional and cartoony, lacking in depth and if you’re not really up on your Dungeon Mastering, it lends itself to facile gaming. I prefer something with a bit more meat on it. in addition, Iron DM competitions are about twisting every drop of juice out of the core ingredients without a whole lot of extraneous stuff. too much extraneous and the core ingredients get lost in the shuffle. suffice it to say, one of the entries hit most of my buttons in a bad, bad way. therefore it makes me wonder if what I saw as a weak style of writing was influenced more by the game system or by the inexperience of the writer in an Iron DM competition. just something to ponder…
by the way, the judgement is Wik’s entry for the win. let’s go find out why…
Main Entry: des•per•ate
Function: adjective
Etymology: Latin desperatus, past participle of desperare
Date: 15th century
1 a : having lost hope <a desperate spirit crying for relief> b : giving no ground for hope <the outlook was desperate>
2 a : moved by despair <victims made desperate by abuse> b : involving or employing extreme measures in an attempt to escape defeat or frustration <made a desperate leap for the rope>
3 : suffering extreme need or anxiety <desperate for money>
4 : involving extreme danger or possible disaster <a desperate situation>
5 : of extreme intensity
Wik’s entry has three wives, who all fit under definitions 2 & 3.
Brent’s entry had so much potential here, but it all slipped away. what if the ogres had kidnapped the kids and mothers and then released the moms to influence the rest of the townsfolk, who instead of a warm community spirit, were cold and distant. the mothers would have been “crazy women” that no one listened to, raving about the dangers of the swamp or about rescuing their kids, who “everyone knew” were already dead because no one comes back from the haunted swamp.
here’s another way it could have been spun: the troll king has a problem. what an excellent opportunity for the hags to let him fall on his a$$ and then they can seize power for themselves! maybe if the hags were not the councilors of the troll king, but instead his concubines, sent in on the mission to play the part of the mothers and instead are whooping it up, laughing and playing with the men in the taverns, even though they are pretending to be the mothers of the kids who were lost. if confronted by the party, they might have been desperate to see their husband’s downfall and the party would have had a difficult time finding out what’s really going on.
and what’s up with Troll Kings, Ogres, and Hags by the way. how did these ingredients get into this adventure? Brent, go on Ebay and buy yourself a copy of the Libris Mortis before they all disappear forever. at least Wik had the shades of the Palomas in his entry. there is not a single named undead type living (or un-living) in your Haunted Swamp. and Fey? trolls, ogres, hags, and hydras aren’t enough, let’s toss some fey into the mix as well? it was supposed to be a Haunted Swamp, not what I saw from what you wrote.
Brent’s Bank Vault belonged to the Troll King and from what I can see, it only came into the story when he opened it to give the players a reward. Brent’s Potion of Fiery Breath was only there to fight the hydra with, and could have been swapped out with a Wand of Fireballs, a Flaming Sword, or just an NPC with the right spells on his sheet. and where is the Dry Well ingredient? a portal on a desert island in the middle of a swamp is not a dry well. the two are not the same. the only ingredient that seems to have any interest at all is the Elemental Hydra. BUT ELEMENTAL HYDRA WASN’T AN INGREDIENT EITHER! what is a Rogue Hydra anyway?
Main Entry: rogue
Function: noun
Etymology: origin unknown
Date: 1561
1 : VAGRANT, TRAMP
2 : a dishonest or worthless person : SCOUNDREL
3 : a mischievous person : SCAMP
4 : a horse inclined to shirk or misbehave
5 : an individual exhibiting a chance and usually inferior biological variation
Wik’s idea of the three wives combining into a compilation of their three pets was kind of ingenious. Brent’s elemental hydra was weak in comparison. players tend to bring fire to hydra hunts anyway on the off chance it’s one of the types that regenerates heads. making a hydra that’s even MORE susceptible to fire… what did I say earlier about 4E making the game too easy? the only reason I’d be playing in Brent’s campaign would be for the social aspect of the game, if I liked the other players. it definitely wouldn’t be for the challenges to overcome. I could fall asleep and still get all my xp and treasure.
sorry if I offend anyone (including you Brent), but I deliberately posted on the general thread what I wanted to see and what I didn’t want to see. perhaps you didn’t see that post. but I don’t think any judge has ever told players what he wanted ahead of time in an Iron DM that I’m aware of, and I only did it because we have a lot of new players this time around and I wanted to see a higher caliber of entry from the start. I’ve already pointed out some directions that you might have gone. here are a few more:
for whatever reason, what’s going on in the haunted swamp has dried up the main water source of the town (I don’t know how or why, that’s why you’re writing it, not me). maybe the lack of water is what gives the wives desperation (married to mermen? or maybe each thinks they’re married to the handsome nixie in the well who’s dying now?). something to tie them together though.
instead of a Troll King, how about a Lich King (or Vampire, Wight, Wraith, Ghoul or Zombie King – each would have been quite interesting, different, and would have added necessary flavor to the swamp setting).
what about a ROGUE hydra? there’s this game I’ve heard of where you play pretend that you’re a fantasy character, and one of the professions you can be is called… how would you like to fight a monster with class levels that can be its own flank buddy? against the rules? maybe. would I do it as a DM? in a FREAKING HEARTBEAT! and then instead of fighting a stupid animal that’s going to be ridiculously easy to kill, you’re going up against a scary monster who’s smart, cunning, planning and manipulative, with lots of sneaky skill ranks to play against the party.
DM: "Up ahead you see the hydra (rolls dice). Wait, everyone make a Spot check. The Hydra seems to have disappeared!"
Player 1: "Where did that dumb critter go?"
DM: "I don't know. Maybe he's Hiding..."
Player 2: "Hydra's are to big to hide."
DM: "Right." (evil chuckle, followed by more dice rolling...)
***
in terms of connecting ingredients together, here’s a fair example of what I like to see:
I liked Wik’s idea of using the potions as the only portable means of burning through a magical mist – mist which was caused by the cursed dry well – a well surrounded by the cursed spirits that caused the well to be dry – spirits haunting and causing the swamp to come into being – a swamp caused at the root by three wives desperate for greater power.
the only really weak ingredient on Wik’s entry was the Bank Vault, and even then it’s the reason for the players to be here, they have to focus on it’s protection throughout the adventure, they will eventually lose it and then have to come up with some plan to recover it again. so even though it doesn’t tie directly into the other five ingredients (and in a really close match that could spell the difference between winning and losing) it stands out as a essential core ingredient on it’s own, so it works.
so as I said before, this round goes to Wik's In Grog We Trust.
by the way, it’s generally a good idea to recap the ingredients at the end of your submission, if for no other reason that to help the judge understand what you thought you meant when you wrote what you did. otherwise (as in the case of Brent’s Dry Well ingredient that I’m still not sure if that’s what he meant, the judge is forced to make an intuitive leap (and judges can be vindictively lazy if forced to exercise like that). it doesn’t add that much work and is one more thing that might make the difference between winning or losing a match.
OK, first of all let me make clear that I understand a lot of people like 4E. by all means keep writing 4E adventures if that suits your gaming style and your choice of system won’t affect my judgements at all. however, I dislike what I’ve seen of the new system. I think it’s 2 dimensional and cartoony, lacking in depth and if you’re not really up on your Dungeon Mastering, it lends itself to facile gaming. I prefer something with a bit more meat on it. in addition, Iron DM competitions are about twisting every drop of juice out of the core ingredients without a whole lot of extraneous stuff. too much extraneous and the core ingredients get lost in the shuffle. suffice it to say, one of the entries hit most of my buttons in a bad, bad way. therefore it makes me wonder if what I saw as a weak style of writing was influenced more by the game system or by the inexperience of the writer in an Iron DM competition. just something to ponder…
by the way, the judgement is Wik’s entry for the win. let’s go find out why…
Main Entry: des•per•ate
Function: adjective
Etymology: Latin desperatus, past participle of desperare
Date: 15th century
1 a : having lost hope <a desperate spirit crying for relief> b : giving no ground for hope <the outlook was desperate>
2 a : moved by despair <victims made desperate by abuse> b : involving or employing extreme measures in an attempt to escape defeat or frustration <made a desperate leap for the rope>
3 : suffering extreme need or anxiety <desperate for money>
4 : involving extreme danger or possible disaster <a desperate situation>
5 : of extreme intensity
Wik’s entry has three wives, who all fit under definitions 2 & 3.
Brent’s entry had so much potential here, but it all slipped away. what if the ogres had kidnapped the kids and mothers and then released the moms to influence the rest of the townsfolk, who instead of a warm community spirit, were cold and distant. the mothers would have been “crazy women” that no one listened to, raving about the dangers of the swamp or about rescuing their kids, who “everyone knew” were already dead because no one comes back from the haunted swamp.
here’s another way it could have been spun: the troll king has a problem. what an excellent opportunity for the hags to let him fall on his a$$ and then they can seize power for themselves! maybe if the hags were not the councilors of the troll king, but instead his concubines, sent in on the mission to play the part of the mothers and instead are whooping it up, laughing and playing with the men in the taverns, even though they are pretending to be the mothers of the kids who were lost. if confronted by the party, they might have been desperate to see their husband’s downfall and the party would have had a difficult time finding out what’s really going on.
and what’s up with Troll Kings, Ogres, and Hags by the way. how did these ingredients get into this adventure? Brent, go on Ebay and buy yourself a copy of the Libris Mortis before they all disappear forever. at least Wik had the shades of the Palomas in his entry. there is not a single named undead type living (or un-living) in your Haunted Swamp. and Fey? trolls, ogres, hags, and hydras aren’t enough, let’s toss some fey into the mix as well? it was supposed to be a Haunted Swamp, not what I saw from what you wrote.
Brent’s Bank Vault belonged to the Troll King and from what I can see, it only came into the story when he opened it to give the players a reward. Brent’s Potion of Fiery Breath was only there to fight the hydra with, and could have been swapped out with a Wand of Fireballs, a Flaming Sword, or just an NPC with the right spells on his sheet. and where is the Dry Well ingredient? a portal on a desert island in the middle of a swamp is not a dry well. the two are not the same. the only ingredient that seems to have any interest at all is the Elemental Hydra. BUT ELEMENTAL HYDRA WASN’T AN INGREDIENT EITHER! what is a Rogue Hydra anyway?
Main Entry: rogue
Function: noun
Etymology: origin unknown
Date: 1561
1 : VAGRANT, TRAMP
2 : a dishonest or worthless person : SCOUNDREL
3 : a mischievous person : SCAMP
4 : a horse inclined to shirk or misbehave
5 : an individual exhibiting a chance and usually inferior biological variation
Wik’s idea of the three wives combining into a compilation of their three pets was kind of ingenious. Brent’s elemental hydra was weak in comparison. players tend to bring fire to hydra hunts anyway on the off chance it’s one of the types that regenerates heads. making a hydra that’s even MORE susceptible to fire… what did I say earlier about 4E making the game too easy? the only reason I’d be playing in Brent’s campaign would be for the social aspect of the game, if I liked the other players. it definitely wouldn’t be for the challenges to overcome. I could fall asleep and still get all my xp and treasure.
sorry if I offend anyone (including you Brent), but I deliberately posted on the general thread what I wanted to see and what I didn’t want to see. perhaps you didn’t see that post. but I don’t think any judge has ever told players what he wanted ahead of time in an Iron DM that I’m aware of, and I only did it because we have a lot of new players this time around and I wanted to see a higher caliber of entry from the start. I’ve already pointed out some directions that you might have gone. here are a few more:
for whatever reason, what’s going on in the haunted swamp has dried up the main water source of the town (I don’t know how or why, that’s why you’re writing it, not me). maybe the lack of water is what gives the wives desperation (married to mermen? or maybe each thinks they’re married to the handsome nixie in the well who’s dying now?). something to tie them together though.
instead of a Troll King, how about a Lich King (or Vampire, Wight, Wraith, Ghoul or Zombie King – each would have been quite interesting, different, and would have added necessary flavor to the swamp setting).
what about a ROGUE hydra? there’s this game I’ve heard of where you play pretend that you’re a fantasy character, and one of the professions you can be is called… how would you like to fight a monster with class levels that can be its own flank buddy? against the rules? maybe. would I do it as a DM? in a FREAKING HEARTBEAT! and then instead of fighting a stupid animal that’s going to be ridiculously easy to kill, you’re going up against a scary monster who’s smart, cunning, planning and manipulative, with lots of sneaky skill ranks to play against the party.
DM: "Up ahead you see the hydra (rolls dice). Wait, everyone make a Spot check. The Hydra seems to have disappeared!"
Player 1: "Where did that dumb critter go?"
DM: "I don't know. Maybe he's Hiding..."
Player 2: "Hydra's are to big to hide."
DM: "Right." (evil chuckle, followed by more dice rolling...)
***
in terms of connecting ingredients together, here’s a fair example of what I like to see:
I liked Wik’s idea of using the potions as the only portable means of burning through a magical mist – mist which was caused by the cursed dry well – a well surrounded by the cursed spirits that caused the well to be dry – spirits haunting and causing the swamp to come into being – a swamp caused at the root by three wives desperate for greater power.
the only really weak ingredient on Wik’s entry was the Bank Vault, and even then it’s the reason for the players to be here, they have to focus on it’s protection throughout the adventure, they will eventually lose it and then have to come up with some plan to recover it again. so even though it doesn’t tie directly into the other five ingredients (and in a really close match that could spell the difference between winning and losing) it stands out as a essential core ingredient on it’s own, so it works.
so as I said before, this round goes to Wik's In Grog We Trust.
by the way, it’s generally a good idea to recap the ingredients at the end of your submission, if for no other reason that to help the judge understand what you thought you meant when you wrote what you did. otherwise (as in the case of Brent’s Dry Well ingredient that I’m still not sure if that’s what he meant, the judge is forced to make an intuitive leap (and judges can be vindictively lazy if forced to exercise like that). it doesn’t add that much work and is one more thing that might make the difference between winning or losing a match.
Last edited:
