[IRON DM] Winter '04 Tournament (IRON DM ANNOUNCED!)

I just wanted to congratulate the opening round winners. Several of your entries were very good, and made to appear even better by the lackluster efforts put forth by (me) others.

I also wanted to loudly proclaim that Nemm is a turd for saving the fun and bizarre ingredients (read: those on which I've previously thrived) for the later rounds in this competition!! Curse you man!!

Thanks for the fun...I'll be hear cheering and taunting throughout.
 

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zenld posting before the time limit. i am shocked if i do say so myself.

nemmerle said:

Semi-Final Round - First Match-Up: Dave Turner vs. Zenld


Ingredients
-----------------
Pack of Digesters
Animated Bench
Weeping Herald
Gypsy Camp
Scarab of Death
Avarice

Second to None
An Iron DM Adventure

Summary
As the party approaches the town of Waterfeld, they come across a gypsy camp that has been destroyed. While exploring the camp, the party is beset by a pack of digesters. After defeating the beasts, they discover the digesters are all wearing matching expensive collars. Following whatever clues they can find they end up in the city of Waterfeld. Here they discover a plot of betrayal, regicide, and evil. Where it takes them, remains to be seen…

Introduction
The party needs to be traveling, either between adventures, or with time to spare for a couple days. As they move along the road, read the following.
The road has taken you into moderately settled lands. There are cultivated fields and small outlying villages. In the last one you passed through, several hours ago, one of the residents told you the city of Waterfeld is within a day’s travel. He also warned you to keep an eye on your belongings for a gypsy band had passed through recently headed for Waterfeld.
The road takes you into a small forested area, a mile from the city. You saw the walls as you crested the last rise. As you follow the road through the trees you begin to smell smoke, smoke and burning flesh, the stink of death.

There is a clearing to one side of the road. Obviously artificial, it has been placed here for travelers who cannot get into the city, or do not wish to push through. One such group had obviously camped here recently. The gaudy wagons and scattered clothing gives you a shrewd idea as to who the corpses might be. The gypsies were no longer a threat to anyone’s pockets, it seems.

The camp has been completely destroyed. The corpses are partially eaten and observant PCs (spot20) will notice most of the bodies show signs of acid damage. A check of the area will reveal two things. One (search15), that although carefully done to keep with the damage, someone has searched the camp before, and two (search20), they missed a small wooden box, ornately carved, and tightly sealed.

The box is approximately 6” long, 4” wide and 4” deep. While it shows no obvious lock, the box will not open. It is of course the subject of an Arcane Lock. Should they either dispel, knock or open the box the old fashioned way (get a bigger hammer), inside is a Scarab of Death.

Assualted
While they are in camp, they are beset by 4 digesters (see MM p59). The creatures were hiding around the perimeter of the camp. If they are discovered, or when the party discovers the box, they attack. They open the attack with their cone acid attacks. When possible, they will concentrate any further acid attacks on particularly powerful PCs. If, during the melee, anyone happens to look around (spot30), they may notice a figure, skulking off into the woods.

When defeated, a simple observation (spot10) may be made: the beasts are wearing collars. Well made, expensive leather collars with a ring (obviously for a leash) sewn into the back. Any further exploration of the forest around the camp will reveal signs of a hasty concealment and hastier retreat (spot20 and track20, PCs get +5 to the roll if they spotted the figure during the fight). The tracks appear to be heading towards town. The tracks show the digesters coming as well as the retreat of the one set of boots.

From here there are two avenues of exploration. Following are details of the elements. Please feel free to combine them in whatever order as needed by the avenue of choice for the PCs. Remember, this is a large town/small city (see DMG p137) so feel free to add in any other criminal elements, etc you wish.

If the follow the road, move to A. If they follow the tracks, the characters’ first stop will be the Mile Stop (D).

A. The Road
The road runs to the city gates. The walls are well fortified and surround the city on three sides. The fourth side is protected by a large, fast-moving river, several hundred feet in width. There are several waterwheels in operation along its length and many warehouses fronting onto docks throughout. This open side is also guarded, with several patrols moving up and down its length, and temporary barricades ready to be moved into place.
The guard contingent at the main gate consists of 6 men and a sergeant, who will ask if the PCs passed through the forest and if they know about the smoke. He was about to send a patrol but waits for the PCs answer first. (Sergeant: ftr5; guards: war2/ftr1)
If the party inquires, the sergeant will refer them to the Smoking Dragon Inn. Although not on the main street, it is relatively safe from cutpurses and has good food and drink at reasonable prices as opposed to the gouging of the inns along main street. If asked about the collars, he tells the party he has never seen it before, but there are a dozen craftsmen in town that could have made them.

B. Smoking Dragon
From the road, nothing seems to recommend this building. The swaying sign holds a dragon sitting back with a pipe, blowing smoke rings. The windows are low and covered in years of smoke and grime, but the light coming through is warm and welcoming and as the door opens, the smells of good food fill the air. The loud din of the common room does not abate as you enter, but people glance up then return to their meals, drinks and conversation. Barmaids move through the room, taking orders, joking and avoiding hands with deft movements and velvet tongues. Sitting behind the bar is a grizzled dwarf, beaming over the crowd. Next to him stands an average looking human, also looking quite pleased as he sends drinks over the bar or to the girls for their rounds.
The Smoking Dragon is a low-ceilinged, heavily built building. This suits Drag Fellaxe, just fine. A dwarf with more fondness for wine, women and song than fighting, he left the caverns of his birth, took his small savings and bought into a low class inn. In the process, he discovered he was naturally skilled as a brewer and soon the ale brought people in, of better and better quality. Some time later, Drag bought out his partner and now owns the whole inn. (male dwarf ftr5/exp6)

C. The Theft
If the party chooses this route, that night, they are burglarized. Four thieves will attempt to break into the PCs rooms and find the box or its contents. Should it turn to fighting, the four will flee to the hallway, drawing the PCs after them so that a fifth thief hiding outside the window may sneak in and finish the mission. (thieves rog6) Should this happen, they may report it to the city watch, but little will come of it. Fellaxe, will tell them that if they want info on who attacked them, etc, they can check at the Mile Stop. The proprietor there knows about all illicit activity in Waterfeld.

If the party comes through the back door, someone in the streets (gather info15) will have seen a cloaked figure running into the Mile Stop.

D. Mile Stop
A small seedy bar located well off the main thoroughfares, the mile stop is the kind of place virtually ignored by anyone not a regular. And the regulars aren’t people you want to meet in a dark alley. A well of assassins, thieves, thugs, troublemakers, and other riffraff call the Mile Stop home.
The proprietor of the Mile Stop is known as Sleaze. No one knows where the nickname came from, and no one is likely to ever ask. His greasy hair and ferret-like features seem to frighten off any questioners. But if you need something dark and dangerous done, he’s the man who can hook you up. (male half-elf rog6/ass4)
There are two other occupants of the bar when the players enter. The first is Octang, a huge hulking ugly figure with a giant axe strapped to his back (male half-orc brb7) and a slender woman sitting alone in the far corner. Her name is Altora Milos, but those who know her work call her Death. She is one of the most dangerous people in the city. Even Octang, not-terribly-bright as he is, would hesitate to go one on one with Altora. (female human rog5/ass10)
It is possible to get someone in the bar to tell you where the little hunched figure is, but will most likely involve fighting Octang and Sleaze. Milos will sit it out unless the PCs deliberately target her as well. (Then they will roll up new characters for she is not one to fight to the death, but will instead hunt them down and kill them all.) Sleaze will only fight until it is apparent they are losing and then try to run. The backdoor opens into an alley with several possible exits. After the fight, Altora will inform them that the man they are looking for is called the Handler. He was responsible for training several creatures as attack animals for different people in town. He works out of a warehouse along the river. She will offer no other info and will leave shortly thereafter. If the PCs remain here for any length of time, they may run into trouble as word of their attack on the persons and property of the Mile Stop spreads through town. If they are involved in an attack, no member of the thieves’ guild or other illicit organization will deal with them. They will probably have continuing problems with this while they stay in Waterfeld.

E. Warehouse Nouveau
This building is owned by Wil Rufflehelm, a wealthy merchant who has recently been appointed to the City Council. Here the Handler trains animals and other more exotic creatures to the purposes of various wealthy people around town.
If/when the PCs break into this place, there are numerous safeguards in place. First, all the doors are locked and trapped. Second, all of the animals and beasts the handler is working on (there will be at least 3 varieties, including 3-4 more digesters) will be set upon them. If the PCs survive this and get into Rufflehelm’s office, the furniture itself will attack, including an animated bench, chair and table. When the carnage is over, they party may find (search20) the handler, hidden in a small compartment off of the office. He is a small frightened man, who passes out when the PCs discover him.
The Handler, aka John Steppington, is a simple man with a talent for training animals. Rufflehelm hired him to train some animals and now won’t let him go. If John leaves, Rufflehelm will let the authorities know it was he who has been training illegal creatures in a warehouse, forbidden by city ordinances. John is so terrified he can do nothing but continue to follow orders. (male human com2/exp8)
All he knows was that he was to train certain creatures as attack/guard beasts. Until today, he never really knew what they were for. Watching them destroy the gypsy camp and kill all of the people frightened him beyond belief. His orders were to set the beasts loose to “distract” the camp, then sneak in and find the box. He was looking for it when he heard the party approaching and hid. He ran away when he saw the PCs either kill the digesters or find the box. When he returned to the warehouse, all of Rufflehelm’s things were gone. He remained here to hide.

F. Rufflehelm Manor
A grandiose name for a gaudy and gauche building. The ostentation and accoutrements are in direct competition with each other to see who can make the place look worse. It is a large home, redecorated many times, apparently whenever Rufflehelm felt the need to flaunt more of his wealth. Even the other homes in this area seem to be eyeing the estate somewhat askance.
Rufflehelm is one of the nouveau riche. His steady rise in fortune and prominence has put him squarely on the fast track to power. But not fast enough or powerful enough. His desire for more has driven him to seek means outside the accepted channels, even for politics. His recent appointment to councilman came when his predecessor was found dead. All appearances were natural causes but the rumor mill says otherwise. It appears his lust for power has only grown. (male human exp6/rog2/arist1)

Rufflehelm is with his mistress, Cassandra, when the PCs arrive, at what ever activity is appropriate for the time they get there (ie sleeping, eating, etc). The room they meet Rufflehelm in is a large ballroom. There are several men-at-arms around the room and building. Before the PCs can do more than be greeted by Rufflehelm, a servant comes into the room, announcing a palace herald. The man comes in, saying the High Magistrate is dead. The weeping man is then escorted from the room. If the PCs accuse Rufflehelm, he will laugh and proclaim it all. Then he will say, “But no one will ever here it from you.” He signals and his people attack the PCs. (Cassandra Sor8/Rog2; men-at-arms ftr6)
Rufflehelm will not fight, but will instead, run for it with Cassandra blocking his escape route from the PCs. There are as many men-at-arms as are necessary to make this a challenge for the PCs.

Where does it go from here?
The High Magistrate is dead.
• Rufflehelm is first in line to take over the job. The PCs, knowing of his ambition and greed, can attempt to stop him. However, when he escaped he called the City Watch claiming the party attacked him. They may be incarcerated, banished, etc. Unless they can clear their name…
• The party succeeded in stopping Rufflehelm’s escape. He was captured in the process. After turning him over to the authorities or telling there story, the city rewards them appropriately.
• The party succeeded but Rufflehelm was killed. How does the city take it? Are the PCs heroes or villains?
• The PCs are pursued by the Thieves Guild for the killing of Sleaze. They may be attacked by thugs, assassins, etc. This may be used to plague the PCs for many years throughout all the land, as word spreads through the underworld.

Ingredients
Pack of Digesters – attacks the PCs in the gypsy camp. May be a second pack in the warehouse.
Animated Bench – in Rufflehelm’s office in the warehouse.
Weeping Herald – announces the death of the High Magistrate at Rufflehelm’s Manor.
Gypsy Camp – where the initial attack takes place, as well as where the Scarab is found.
Scarab of Death – the original means of Rufflehelm’s plot to take over the city. Found in the gypsy camp.
Avarice – Rufflehelm’s greed and ambition.
 

I must regretfully concede. :(

The list of ingredients really threw me for a loop, which I suppose is what the tournament is all about in the first place. I've struggled and been unable to find a way to link them all together in a satisfying way. My entry is half-complete and stalled in its tracks. It's too complicated for an Iron DM entry. I committed to what I thought were some interesting takes on several ingredients and stubbornly tried to shoehorn the other ingrediets into the mix. I thought I could pull it out in the 11th hour, but I stuck with a losing idea for too long to make up the time lost now. At this point, I'd have to scratch everything and start over.

Sorry to everyone involved, most especially my opponents. :(
 


Dave Turner said:
I must regretfully concede. :(

The list of ingredients really threw me for a loop, which I suppose is what the tournament is all about in the first place. I've struggled and been unable to find a way to link them all together in a satisfying way. My entry is half-complete and stalled in its tracks. It's too complicated for an Iron DM entry. I committed to what I thought were some interesting takes on several ingredients and stubbornly tried to shoehorn the other ingrediets into the mix. I thought I could pull it out in the 11th hour, but I stuck with a losing idea for too long to make up the time lost now. At this point, I'd have to scratch everything and start over.

Sorry to everyone involved, most especially my opponents. :(


That is exactly what I should have done.... :(
 

It's embarassing to post what I have so far, since it's still very much half-baked. Before I post, here's my general thought process on the ingredients and a bit of insight into why I think I came up short.

From the beginning, I thought the ingredients were so wildly varied that any adventure that was to incorporate them was going to have to be painfully contrived. (With that said, I think Zenld pulled a rabbit out of his hat with his entry. He has done what I could not and kudos to him)

To be honest, the ingredients were just too spread out for me. The scarab of death is a cursed item that probably couldn't be used in this type of event except as a McGuffin or as part of the backstory. I tried to find a meaningful way for the PCs to interact with it and couldn't think of one aside from it being a McGuffin.

The only interesting take I had on the animated bench was a carved bench with two heads that spoke (rather than one that walked), but I couldn't find a way to fit it into my other ideas.

I tried to spice up the gypsy camp by changing the gypsies from humans to some funky dwarves.

I was going to make the digesters into animals that were transformed by the BBEG's power into a motley pack of digesters. I just never got around to mentioning it in the stuff I wrote so far.

In the end, there were too many unresolved questions about how the adventure fit together and how the PCs could logically make it from point A to point B without being flat-out railroaded. In a competition that punishes complexity, I foolishly stuck to a complicated concept out of a desire to do something innovative with truly unwieldy ingredients.

Well, that's enough of that. If you'd like to comment on what I had so far, Nemm, that's fine. Congratulations to Zenld, who truly made a silk purse out of a sow's ear. :)

Here's what I had so far:

----------------------------------------------------
[size=+2] Semi-Final Round - First Match-Up: Dave Turner vs. Zenld [/size]

Ingredients
-----------------
Pack of Digesters
Animated Bench
Weeping Herald
Gypsy Camp
Scarab of Death
Avarice


[size=+1] Adventure Title [/size], by Dave Turner
An adventure for 7th level PCs

[size=+1] Synopsis [/size]

An ancient covenant has been broken and an epic magical disaster threatens the region. Dwarven gypsies have stolen treasure given to placate a powerful arch-devil. The arch-devil now begins to extend his corrosive power into the world of men, transforming the very land and its inhabitants. In an unusual twist, the PCs must return the treasure to the temple to save the day.

[size=+1]DM Background [/size]

Centuries ago, the town of Dharaga was threatened by Kurush, Lord of Burning Water, a forgotten but potent arch-devil. The town’s most famous daughter, a legendary bard named Thrain, ventured into the dark temple of Kurush and struck a bargain with the arch-devil. In exchange for regular tribute provided by the town, Kurush would pursue his infernal schemes elsewhere. If Kurush’s hoard was ever to lose even a single copper piece, however, the arch-devil swore to deliver swift and terrible vengeance upon the town. This pact was maintained throughout the years, although its existence was a severe embarrassment to the town and was kept secret from almost all townsfolk.

Every decade, the members of a secret council called The Silent Elders would gather the tribute they had skimmed from taxes and stored in hidden caches in the members’ homes. They would appoint a Bearer to take the tribute to the forgotten temple of Kurush, adding to the staggering pile already there. The Bearer was provided with a talisman, known as the Mark of Kurush. It was a large, sickly green emerald set in black iron. It allowed the Bearer to safely enter the temple to deposit the treasure. The Mark of Kurush was also cursed, for if it was ever worn by someone who had removed treasure from the temple for any reason, it would act as a scarab of death.

Over the years, The Silent Elders have maintained their conspiratorial grip upon the town of Dharaga. The seven members are selected from the most powerful families in the town and use their influence to ensure that the ten-year schedule is quietly maintained. The Bearer has held his post for nearly thirty years. The Silent Elders always try to convert the tribute into the most portable form, usually gems. Even with such measures, this year’s tribute was a mix of gems and gold that required a horse just to carry it. As the Bearer rode from the gates of Dharaga, he caught the eye of a pair of dwarven gypsies who were watching the gate.

The gypsies trailed the Bearer during the two-day ride to the temple of Kurush. They were puzzled and curious about the Bearer’s reasons for visiting a hidden temple in a virtually impenetrable wood. They watched the Bearer unload the bags and were shocked when he accidentally dropped the last one and a pile of gold and gems spilled out! They hid as the Bearer rode away and tried to penetrate the temple and steal the tribute. One of the pair was killed and the other returned to his gypsy camp with the information he had. The gypsy leader, an avaricious dwarf named Thorbrand Cloudseeker(dwarf, Fighter 2/Rogue 4, LE), gathered his most talented dwarves and returned to the temple. Without the safety of the Mark of Kurush, they lost several members, but managed to penetrate the treasure chamber and leave with all the loot the survivors could carry.

Back in Dharaga, the effects are immediate. The adventure begins the evening after the robbery, as Kurush first begins to make his displeasure known.

[size=+1]The Hook [/size]

The PCs are in Dharaga, resting and resupplying between adventures. It’s early evening and they are enjoying their dinner. Without warning, every liquid in the town of Dharaga is turned into acid. Select a PC at random to make a Fortitude save (DC 17) or suffer 2d6 damage as the effect occurs while she’s drinking. Similar effects occur all around the PCs in the tavern and the mood quickly turns fearful and nearly-panicked.

In the square outside the tavern, a hideous scream is heard. The PCs (hopefully) follow the rush of folks who spill out to see what has happened. A bald and shaven dwarf is stumbling erratically in the center of the square, clutching his face while bright green beams of light escape from behind his hands and fingers. His body shudders and he suddenly transforms into The Weeping Herald of Kurush. His body and features become grotesquely misshapen. He begins to issue dire warnings of doom and despair, his voice alternating between anguished sobs and thundering fury. The tears he sheds are potent acid, scarring his cheeks like melted wax.

The Weeping Herald will begin to rampage, attacking townsfolk and announcing the immanent return of Kurush. Treat the Herald as a bearded devil with the following modifications:
- remove the ability to teleport
- the infernal wound is an acid effect delivered by claws only (the Herald has no glaive unlike the standard bearded devil entry)

By the time the PCs dispatch the Weeping Herald, one of the Silent Elders (Fyren Gardi, human, Ari4, CG) will arrive on the scene, along with members of the town guard. While the guards reestablish order, Fyren Gardi will approach the PCs and quietly but urgently request that they return with him to his home.

[size= 1] The Silent Elder [/size]

Fyren Gardi is cleary shaken by the events in the square. After swearing the PCs to secrecy, he reveals the hidden history of Dharaga and the bargain that has kept the town safe for centuries. As outsiders, he feels that the PCs are best suited to investigate what has occurred and keep their mouths shut in exchange for gold. They’ve already proven themselves capable of handling danger by dispatching the Weeping Herald. Gardi will offer the PCs a reward (suited to the DM’s individual campaign) to travel to the temple and investigate. PCs can pick up the following information as well:
- Gardi is positive that someone has stolen from the temple.
- Gardi will provide the PCs with directions to the temple and the Mark of Kurush
- The current Bearer, a fighter named Kenric (male, Fighter 5, N), is under suspicion by Gardi and will not accompany the PCs. If questioned, Kenric will truthfully deny involvement or knowledge of what’s occurred.
- He will not expose the other Silent Elders

[size=+1] The Gypsy Family [/size]

The gypsy family who has touched off this crisis is composed entirely of dwarves who could not suffer life under the mountains. Instead, they exiled themselves from dwarven society and banded together to roam the surface world. The members come from several dwarven clans, but they all forsake their former names and adopt the name “Cloudseeker”. They are outcasts and misfits, often running from problems with the law as much as problems with typical dwarven life. As a symbol of their choice, they keep their heads and faces clean-shaven.

The Cloudseekers arrived in Dharaga a couple of months ago and established a gypsy camp a day’s travel outside the walls. From their camp, they have been drifting in and out of Dharaga, finding work as fortune tellers or laborers. Many Cloudseekers have also found work and profit as pick-pockets, hired thugs, and enforcers. Their goodwill in Dharaga is used up and they are on the verge of moving on. At least they were, until one of their scouts returned with his tale of the temple. Now their leader, Thorgram Cloudseeker, is forcing them to stay. His avarice drives him to make several more trips to the temple, now that the gargoyles are destroyed.

[size=+1] The Temple of Kurush [/size]

The temple is hidden inside a nearly-impenetrable forest in a deep hollow in the surrounding mountains. The growth is so thick that horses must be led to the temple. Visibility during day and night is extremely short and poor. The trail to the temple is extremely faint, but can be followed with a Track DC 25 or by landmarks that Fyren Gardi describes.

The temple itself is tucked against the steep slope of the mountain. The stone appears black at first glance but is actually deep green under light. The temple and its environs will be different depending on the number of times the PCs visit.

[Note: Due to space limitations, the full details of the temple and its dangers are only sketched out.]

First Visit

Kurush’s power has only barely made its presence felt during the first visit. The air is tinged with a bitter smell and the stones in the temple appear slick and give off a faint greenish vapor. The temple is not large, consisting of a few antechambers and the central treasure room. The tribute is actually piled on a platform surrounded by a moat of acid. The accumulated tribute is a staggering amount, enough to buy and sell a kingdom. PCs should pick up the following clues/information during their first visit:

- There are four dwarven gypsy bodies in the temple. These are the members of the first robbery attempt that did not survive. The bodies are noteworthy for the fact that the dwarves are bald and shaven, the defining feature of their gypsy family.
- The acid elemental that guards the tribute will not stir unless someone is trying to remove treasure.
- The original guardians of the temple were several powerful gargoyles, who are now shattered in one antechamber. The Mark of Kurush was designed to bypass these creatures and glows slightly in the presence of their remains.

[Note: entry incomplete]
 


Judgment of Semi-Final Round - First Match-Up: Dave Turner vs. Zenld

So, Dave Turner conceded, which means, of course, that Zenld auomatically wins. But should Dave have done such a reckless thing? I asked him to post what he had come up with - so I might see how far he got and how well he was doing and have something to compare Zen's entry to - I will be the judge of whether or not he was right to drop out - but one thing is for certain, if I were Paka, I'd be pissed off - It was such a close match with DT - just to have him drop out; must be mad frustrating.

Right off the bat I have to wonder what happened to Dave Turner? Did he start late and run out of time? I know he claimed that the ingredients were too difficult and disparate for him to complete his entry - but what I have read seemed like a very good effort and well on its way to being the winning entry - In fact, the only thing I see missing are the digesters and I thought of a way to include them right away. That is not to say there are not problems with entry, but there are problems with Zenld's entry as well - so while I cannot say without a doubt that Dave Turner would have won - that is certainly the impression I get just from what he provided. Definitely nothing to be embarrassed of.

Let's take a closer look, shall we? One entry at a time. . .

Zenld's Entry: This scenario would have the PCs become involved as they happen upon a destroyed gypsy camp going from one town to another, and while I would be the last deny the curiousity of adventurers and the oft-used but no less effective method of having the party find or pick something up that someone else is willing to kill them for - or at the very least steal back - works as a hook, there are a bunch of problems with the ingredients used in the hook and how they connect to the rest of the adventure.

First of all, why would the ambitious Rufflehelm (sounds like a euphamism for oral sex) leave such an important mission as searching for the box with the scarab of death to some cowardly animal trainer?

The gypsies themselves never appear in the adventure, and their camp could be any similar camp or roadside place - the fact that it is a gypsy camp doesn't really matter much, does it? And Zen never bothers to explain how the gypsies came upon the scarab. Did the gypsies use the scarab to kill the magistrate for Rufflhelm and then the councilman used the digesters to kill the gypsies? That kind of underworld double-cross would have worked - but it was never followed up on or developed.

Why do the digesters have such readily identifiable and unique collars of quality? Again, I have to think that Rufflehelm is the either the boldest or dumbest (or both) man of political ambition and avarice that ever was. Even if he hoped for the sloppy work at covering things up would lead to the animal trainer and he'd be killed or arrested, is it worth the risk of letting someone find the craven man who is likely to spill his guts at first opportunity?

Before I continue, I have to say that this is the problem with these kinds of mystery and investigatory type adventures, every little detail matters. Why do you think good mystery writers are so careful about every detail they disclose to the reader and how it is revealed? So as to not give it away too easily, but still give them a chance to figure it out. This adventure has too many questions that goes along with it; too many loose ends that lead the PCs along from place to place like a board game.

Next step along the way can vary according to the PCs actions.

The theft in the night is a good 'classic' D&D scene we've all dealt with at one time or another, but I have to wonder why Rufflehelm did not use these thieves to send along with the animal trainer and use their rogue-based ostensibely high search/spot skills to get the box to begin with?

At the Mile Stop Zenld includes this line: "It is possible to get someone in the bar to tell you where the little hunched figure is, but will most likely involve fighting Octang and Sleaze" - Huh? What? Why? Explain? What information is there exactly to be gained? Why is there no red herring or misdirection to make investigation more complicated? Instead, it comes down to a fight? The one thing I do like about this scene is Altora - if only because I like the idea of a powerful assassin hunting down the PCs and killing them one by one - I may have to do that myself one day.

The real strength of Zenld's entry are the backdrops. He does an excellent job of describing the carnage of the camp, the road up to the town with its water wheels, the inn and its proprietor, the Mile Stop, the warehouse, all of it is great. And he also does a good job of creating lots of opportunity to make the consequences of the party's actions mean something - whether it be getting on the wrong side of the assassin, angering the thieves' guild, getting arrested, etc. . .

But what about the ingredients? I'm sorry. . . well, no I'm not sorry, it's not my fault - but Zen's ingredient use in this adventure was pretty bad. They are all so disparate, hardly used or make a some meaningless appearance, I had to shake my head. It is only in his review of ingredients that Zenld bothers to explain that the scarab of death was the original means Rufflehelm had to kill the magistrate. As mentioned before the gypsy camp could have easily have been some other place, the digesters filled a niche in this adventure that any other dangerous creature could have filled (though the threat against the animal trainer involving the authorities and the flauting of local ordinances against such exotic beasts was a nice touch). The weeping herald is almost comedic, making an entrance just in time to help the PCs put together all the elements of the scheme before the climactic battle. Well, at least Rufflehelm really did suffer from avarice - oh but I nearly forgot about the animated bench (and it seems Zenld nearly forgot as well, it seemed so haphazardly thrown in) - it had absolutely nothing to do with anything and was just in the office waiting for. . .what exactlty?

These ingredients might have been used as dressing in an adequate adventure, but they were also mixed in such a way to be the recipe for something else: a losing entry.

Dave Turner's Entry:On the other hand, what there was of Dave Turner's entry reminded me of something I might have seen one of our frequent winners write.

While the background verged on too long, DT's entry has a bunch of great elements I could not help but admire - whether it be the Scarab of Death amulet used both as safe passage into the devil's temple and as a means of cursing those who seek to use the amulet to get in and steal things. Of course, the best use of an ingredient was the weeping herald - there was just something creepy and powerful and scary about the scene.

The set-up was good, with a conspiracy of elders trying to keep the town safe, the outcast dwarven gypsies and their greed and a dangerous temple to explore. As the entry was incomplete - it was never clear to me why the PCs would come back to the temple more than once - so the need to break up the temple descriptions and defenses depending on which visit it was was lost on me. Though I could imagine including the digesters by having the bodies of the fallen dwarves turn inside out and be warped into digestive juice spewing horrific monsters as the devil's power grew.

Unfortunately, the entry was incomplete, and there is no way of knowing if Dave Turner's scenario would have continued on with strength or been undermined by bad use of ingredients, like the gypsy camp itself, which while mentioned never comes into play with the PCs (though for all I know the conclusion of the adventure might have taken place there).

So, as we all already know ZENLD moves on the finals and is guaranteed at least a 3rd place slot. Zen, I think you are going to need something more like your first entry than your second if you plan to have a chance in the finals - but it is double elimination so there are still two chances to fine tune your skills and show what you are really made of. Not to say that this entry was not decent - but it definitely had as many weaknesses and questions as it did strengths.

Oh and one last thing, in the future double check your formating and make sure you use a sufficient number of paragraphs breaks.
 
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