Kelemvor

[Tia Nadiezja]

I'm in a bad mood. When I'm in a bad mood, I think about elements of setting design that annoy me. Today in annoying setting design elements: Kelemvor.

I'm not against neutral death deities. Hades is a neutral death deity and he's awesome. The Raven Queen is a neutral death deity, and she's pretty much the best. Neutral death deities can be great!

... If they're not terrible.

Like Kelemvor.

Kelemvor's Wall is the worst idea in the immense bucket of brilliance and absurdity that is the Forgotten Realms. Whose idea was it to write every nonreligious character in the setting who doesn't achieve immortality's end as "just another brick in the wall, where demons try to rip you out of it so things get worse?" That's... both horrific and painfully boring.

Then there's the man himself.

Have you read the Avatar books? I have. They're not very good. They're not the worst fantasy I've ever read, but they're not very good. Midnight was all right. Cyric was charmingly terrible. Kelemvor?

Wet. Blanket.

Seriously, every time he opened his mouth, every ounce of energy drained out of the scene. I can only surmise that he earned the Death portfolio because he killed drama - and my ability to feel joy while reading those books. Or to reread them, ever, which is why I'm writing this bit on decades-old memories.

Why does anyone worship someone so uninteresting?

How does even Ao, mountain of blah he is, put up with the guy?

Kelemvor is the worst.

 

[delericho]

Kelemvor's Wall is the worst idea in the immense bucket of brilliance and absurdity that is the Forgotten Realms.

Perhaps, but wasn't it Myrkul's wall first?

Whose idea was it to write every nonreligious character in the setting who doesn't achieve immortality's end as "just another brick in the wall, where demons try to rip you out of it so things get worse?" That's... both horrific and painfully boring.

Um, I think it's supposed to be.

Why does anyone worship someone so uninteresting?

They'd rather build a wall than be part of it?

Kelemvor is the worst.

Yeah, he's pretty bad.

 

[Mephista]

The Wall of the Faithless was a thing for a long time. And, yes, constructed by Myrkul for several reasons. There's a giant thread about ranting abotu the Wall, and having another one is pretty pointless.


On the issue of the books - I detested Cyric, Kelemvor, and Midnight. They all annoyed me, though Midnight eventually ended up becoming just another Mystra. Cyric and Kelemvor I find to be annoying as gods, and really think they just need to be killed off. They serve no purpose other than to kill off some gods and make new ones. With the Dread Three back in force, Cyric and Kelemvor have lost their raison d'etre. We don't need a judge of the dead when the overwhelming majority of people have gods that just come and swoop them up. Cyric will never be as cool as Mask or Bhaal.

To be honest, I'm actually not-a-fan of any of the human gods in Forgotten Realms. They actually turn my stomache a bit. Though, totally a fan of Sharess - though that is in no small part because of my love for Bastet. I tend to stick with the non-human gods, or none at all.

 

[Tia Nadiezja]

Now I'm going to talk about great things in the Forgotten Realms.

Rashemen is great. Seriously. Witches as a ruling class, a strangely effective monarch who leads in spite of the witches running around executing individual judicial power, berserkers, male spellcasters locked in caves making magic weapons for the berserkers and wands for the witches? Sitting on the border of Thay forever and never falling because who's going to fight well-equipped witches and berserkers? Plus the words. Nonsense fantasy words usually bug me but... Wychlaran?

Awesome.

 

[Celtavian]

The Wall of the Faithless was a thing for a long time. And, yes, constructed by Myrkul for several reasons. There's a giant thread about ranting abotu the Wall, and having another one is pretty pointless.


On the issue of the books - I detested Cyric, Kelemvor, and Midnight. They all annoyed me, though Midnight eventually ended up becoming just another Mystra. Cyric and Kelemvor I find to be annoying as gods, and really think they just need to be killed off. They serve no purpose other than to kill off some gods and make new ones. With the Dread Three back in force, Cyric and Kelemvor have lost their raison d'etre. We don't need a judge of the dead when the overwhelming majority of people have gods that just come and swoop them up. Cyric will never be as cool as Mask or Bhaal.

To be honest, I'm actually not-a-fan of any of the human gods in Forgotten Realms. They actually turn my stomache a bit. Though, totally a fan of Sharess - though that is in no small part because of my love for Bastet. I tend to stick with the non-human gods, or none at all.

C'mon, Mephista. Bane is a badass. The Black Hand makes for a great tyrant god.

 

[Mephista]

Bane whines too much. "Oh, no. You prayed to another god! I thought we had a good relationship going on here. Why don't you love me enough!" He's like that clingy boyfriend that just doesn't get that you want a life outside of him. Sure, what you have going on is pretty sweet. But sometimes, a girl's got to have a little fun with her friends on her own.

 

[Mecheon]

Ao just shoved him in there because the position of God of Death is one that tends to be redistributed every few years thanks to the good ol' habit of murder.

The more boring of a person you can shove in that position, its more likely that they're not going to get themselves murdered and Ao doesn't have to bother with changing who he has to address cards to

 

[Tia Nadiezja]

Ao just shoved him in there because the position of God of Death is one that tends to be redistributed every few years thanks to the good ol' habit of murder.

The more boring of a person you can shove in that position, its more likely that they're not going to get themselves murdered and Ao doesn't have to bother with changing who he has to address cards to

I buy it. Ao wouldn't have a secretary...

 

[PnPgamer]

Why did murkyl build the wall of faithless?

 

[Tia Nadiezja]

Why did murkyl build the wall of faithless?

Myrkul was evil. The Wall makes no thematic sense and is boring, but at least building it is in character for Myrkul. Kelemvor isn't supposed to be evil, but there he is makin' soul bricks.