Learning Bladesong Style from a Sentient Sword....(BLACKSHIRT STAY OUT!)

[Angcuru]

Well, currently, my elven ranger/fighter is learning the bladesong fighting style from his sentient sword, Stormbrand. However, this sword has the voice of Sean Connery and likes to try to distract me character with dirty phrases while training me.
Example:
"I love the way you caress my hilt..."
"Your palms are so sweaty..."
"THAT'S IT, LAD! KEEP THRUSTING!"


how the hell can I shut this thing up?

 

[The Other Guy]

Its funny you should mention an annoying sentient sword, for a fellow player is having a similar problem with his.

My advice to him, and to you is this. Dominate the sword. It may have intelligence and a personality, but let the damn thing know who is boss. Tell it to shut the hell up, and if it doesn't threaten to not use it. As much as you the player want to wield this magnificent sword, it wants to be wielded as well. Probably more so than you think.

It may suck for you, but if it doesn't heed your warnings, lock it away for a bit. Perhaps in a magic shielded box, so it cant call to other masters. Explain to the sword that you hope to build a good relationship with it, but it WILL recognize that you are its master. If its smart, it will realize that if it gives you what you want, you will give it what it wants, and perhaps even reward it with nice guestures such as a jeweled sheath to reside in.

Basically, try not to be a cruel master, but make sure it knows that you ARE the master. Such is how I would deal with it.

 

[Angcuru]

well, the sword has been in the family for about 9,000 years, so I'm not worried about it choosing another wielder. I already gave the bastard a nice scabbard, and I've decided that in the next training session, (which happens to be in a garden in the estate of one of my adventuring companions) I'm going to go berserk and start insulting him back, hacking stone statues with him, etc.

 

[Psychotic Jim]

Have you tried fighting fire with fire? Saying and doing things so outrageous that you embarras it? It might shut up if it knows what it feels like to be taunted. Or maybe you act like you take it seriously and respond in kind to its -ahem- inappropriate commentary as if you are seriously interested.

 

[Kaffis]

Well, on a somewhat humorous note, you could pull out your knife and start sharpening it some evening with a whetstone. Poorly. Like taking the edge clean off in the process, perhaps even adding some nicks to the blade. When your smartass sword starts mocking you, suggest that maybe it's wit has become somewhat dull, and that it could probably use a few passes with the whetstone, too...

Next time it complains about your sweaty palms, you could always say "gee, you're right" and start taping the hilt for better grip. If it tapes over whatever the sword voices through, so much the better.

 

[Angcuru]

Well, on a somewhat humorous note, you could pull out your knife and start sharpening it some evening with a whetstone. Poorly. Like taking the edge clean off in the process, perhaps even adding some nicks to the blade. When your smartass sword starts mocking you, suggest that maybe it's wit has become somewhat dull, and that it could probably use a few passes with the whetstone, too...

Next time it complains about your sweaty palms, you could always say "gee, you're right" and start taping the hilt for better grip. If it tapes over whatever the sword voices through, so much the better.

that just might work!

 

[Tsyr]

You could always threaten to drop it down a well...

Or tell it your going to grind it down into a pen-knife if it doesn't shut up.

 

[Angcuru]

well, it IS a soul-stealing sword....plus I don't know all of it's properties yet. for all I know it could be a dancing sword. YOU DO NOT WANT TO ANGER SOUL-STEALING DANCING SWORDS!!

 

[Tsyr]

well, it IS a soul-stealing sword....plus I don't know all of it's properties yet. for all I know it could be a dancing sword. YOU DO NOT WANT TO ANGER SOUL-STEALING DANCING SWORDS!!

Sure ya do. Show's em who's boss. You don't wanna be owned by your sword, man...

... I mean, my waffle maker is smarter than I am, and I cower in fear before it whenever it beeps to tell me when my waffles are done... If I had stood up to it when I first got it, and left my waffles in longer than it was telling me to, I might not be so cowardly today...

 

[Angcuru]

odd, albiet interesting analogy......