D&D 5E Let's have some Inn Fun!

Seven customers are gathered around a table where a halfling and goliath are playing chess-boxing. The goliath is dominating the chess rounds and the halfling is winning the boxing rounds. Lots of money is changing hands, until one of the seven bettors cries out "he's using magic! he's using magic! Give me MY MONEY BACK!!!"
 

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A troubadour spies a member of the party, exclaims their name, and launches into an epic poem/song about the character's mighty deeds. He demands that the other patrons show some respect to such a valiant hero, and indeed, the party is showered with free drinks and other minor gifts.
However, it is 100% obvious to the party that the minstrel has clearly misidentified the player, and is probably speaking about someone else. If told this, the bard dismisses it as the "great hero's" attempt to be humble, and continues on like this for the night. The tales become more grandiose and outlandish the longer he goes on, attracting either attention or derision as warrants.
 




The McGuffin you are trying to rescue from the dragon is sitting on the mantle of the fireplace. Above it is that dragon's head. The bartender is wearing a cloak in the same color as that dragonhead. The singer on stage has a necklace with a dragon tooth, upon checking yes, the dragon head lacks a single tooth. The drummer uses a massive femur as one of their instruments.
 

I was honestly expecting:

Barkeep: "Where'd you find that ugly monkey?"

Ranger: "It's not a monkey it's a chimp- "

"I wasn't talking to you! I was talking to the chimpanzee..."
 

You notice a bard dancing, singing, and playing a lute next to a table. There is a Male tiefling sitting on one side of him and what looks to be a feline humanoid dancing on the other side. Across the table there is a human wearing some sort of heavy armor and what looks to be an elf or half-elf wearing robes. They are only slightly paying attention to the bard and others as the converse with each other. Just as you are about to look away a bald human wearing very simple clothing, no armor or weapons site down next to the the tiefling and bumps into him a bit causing a short argument before apologizing and walking away.

With a DC 12 perception check the players notice the feline character take advantage of this distraction and snag the bards coin purse.
 

There is a female scream from the kitchen and the sound of crashing plates. Then there is a moment's silence, followed by another scream that is cut short in a horrible rasping gurgle. The innkeeper rushes out of the kitchen looking terrified but he is to shocked to speak. If you investigate, you find a hole in the kitchen floor, a dismembered female hand lying nearby and blood spattered all around the room. Strangely, there are no broken plates.
 


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