"Lost to the Game"

[Archon]

I have a confession to make...
I've lost friends to gaming.

Friends that i would rather not be without. Friends that i'd like back. No one's perfect and sometimes friends have falling outs i understand. But gaming should never be the reason.

Please, friends and neighbors of Enworld, have any of you lost any friends to the game? And if you have how did you reconcile?

Peace, Love, Gaming,

-mik aka "Archon" aka "Xath's Boyfriend"

 

[Rel]

I'm not sure I understand the question.

Do you mean friends who said, "I won't be your friend because you're a gamer."?

Or do you mean friends who stopped being your friend because of something that happened during a game?

 

[Archon]

Friends that stopped calling after something happened in game.

 

[Rel]

Friends that stopped calling after something happened in game.

Well, if it happened just recently, maybe they just need some extra time to cool off. Perhaps they'll come around in time.

Was this an isolated event or more of a standing difference in gaming style?

Years ago there was some distinct tension within our gaming group that caused it to fracture. There was no big blowup but we definately had some stuff that we needed to work out. The whole group didn't game together for a couple years. Different subsets of us gamed together here and there and we still saw each other socially but we were not the solid gaming group that we were at one time.

Then a mutual friend of ours died a couple years ago and we took a hard look at what was important to us. We all collectively decided that our friendship was more important than any slight stylistic differences that we had when it came to gaming. So we made a tacit agreement to work around those differences as best we could and all game together again. It's been well worth it.

I hope it doesn't take something like that to get you guys all together again. Good luck.

 

[Archon]

Me to Rel, me too. Thanks man.
To answer your question though, it was a disagreement in style plus something else, but it's not important. I hope we can work it out. As easy as it'd be to just say, "who cares? I have more friends," i don't want to leave it how it is. I miss'em and they mean a lot to me. Maybe i just need to tell them that.
peace,
- mik

 

[Rel]

I miss'em and they mean a lot to me. Maybe i just need to tell them that.
peace,
- mik

My opinion is that you've got nothing to lose. If they walk away after that then you at least tried. Somebody who turns away when you reach out your hand isn't a friend you needed anyway.

Take care pal.

 

[Queen_Dopplepopolis]

The key to reconciliation is, in most cases, apologizing.

However, in my experience, when a fight occurs because of game stuff, it's reflective of something deeper, more serious than just the game... especially when the people you game with are your friends and not just your gaming group. I'd start by trying to get down to what was really the problem.

 

[was]

It's never happened to me. However, I've always talked those sort of problems out. I'd suggest talking to them about it. If they refuse, then you might be better off without them. Bailing out of a frienship because of something that happens in a game seems more than a little petty to me.

 

[Crothian]

Kinda, it was a bad campaign in their eyes I ran and we remained friends until I moved a bit away not far like a few miles but they stopped talking to me after that.

 

[The_Universe]

Kinda, it was a bad campaign in their eyes I ran and we remained friends until I moved a bit away not far like a few miles but they stopped talking to me after that.

Bummer, but understandable, particularly if gaming was the primary framework of socializing. Sometimes, it helps to think of it like golf (because depersonalizing a problem always helps put it in perspective). Let's say you and your buddies play golf. Sure, you do other things on occaison, but you all love golf. You play for a while, but your buds tell you that they don't like the way you're playing golf. That's fine. There's nothing inherently wrong with that. But if golf is what you *did* with them, what's to do, now that they don't want to play golf?

It's an interesting dilemma, and one that's not limited to golf. It's an enduring part of human relationships. It could be golf, RPGs, sex, drinking, drugs, or anything else. It sucks, but it's the way people are. I don't have a solution, but I can at least recognize that the problem, such as it is, is rarely as unique as we imagine it to be.

Hang in there!