Love, dating, and Dr. Midnight: the saga continues

[Dr Midnight]

When last we left our brave dip$%^&, he was claiming to have had an ace up his sleeve- an artist girl he'd met, and was waiting for her graduation from Syracuse U. Remember that? Well, she's revealed now that she got a boyfriend about two months ago. Blink. Shrug... Adjust.

Okay. NOW, the story of woe is that I've hooked up yet another date through "Lowered Expections": the Yahoo Personals. For a while, we talked online. Nice girl, very sweet, but with a godawful sense of humor. Kinda person who says things like "My friends think I'm crazy, my sense of humor is off the wall, ha ha..." Yikes. That kinda thing just sends red flags up everywhere for me. In my experience, people who CLAIM to have a different, offbeat, and demented sense of humor are exactly the ones who DON'T. She's coming off as the chirpy, dumb type that usually grows into someone's purse-lipped, cheek-pinching single aunt.

Well, your ol' pal Doc-M has been feeling... how shall we say... peckish, these last months? Desperate is the better word. I'll spare you any further description on that. So, even though everything's looking negative for my liking this girl, we arrange to meet. We set the meeting for tonight. Yesterday, she emails to ask if I want to go get some ice cream or something later that night. I say okay, why not. Later, just before we go, we arrange to just go to Borders and walk around, as I'm not feeling ice creamey, and I just want to go somewhere air conditioned.

We meet at Borders. Now, I'm ashamed to say this, but I found her extremely unattractive. Short black hair, incredibly gelled. A front tooth at a forty-five degree angle from the one right next to it. I'm no gem either, I know, but I've got to admit I had a negative reaction. We begin to talk. Immediately, and I mean within five minutes, I see that I've made a big error. She's not just dumb- she thinks she's funny, she's nervous, and she can't shut up. A deadly combination.

Here's an example of the dialogue:

Me: "Hmm, this mocha freeze I just bought is all liquid."
Her: "Y'know, that's just- It's- it's the man! It's the man, trying to KEEP YOU DOWN. It's... I... It's a crime! You just want a nice mocha freeze, and the MAN is keeping you down. Ha ha... Oh, you're killing me here..."

Likewise, if I say something positive about something:

Me: "I liked (whatever book I may be looking at)"
Her: "Hey, y'know... (gesticulates and shakes head, smiling) what else do you need? I mean... c'mon. Y'know, it's... You've got (whatever book I may be looking at), and you're all set, know what I'm saying? Ha ha..."

No joke: At one point I almost told her to shut up.

Also, we disagree on almost everything, and when urged to argue something's merit, she just repeats the same schtick from above. "C'mon... what else do you need?", etc... I'm going nuts. I just want out. I begin formulating the plan.

"Phew," I say. "It's hot in here. I think I'm going to go home and languish in shorts."

"Oh, okay... what time did you want to meet tomorrow? What are we going to do?"

Ack! Loose end number one is around my throat and strangling me. I do NOT want to sit through a few more hours of this. I say I don't know, call me tomorrow. By my body language it's very clear that I'm not up for a kiss or hug or anything, I jump in my car and go.

Here comes the cringing. She obviously liked me a lot, and she IS a nice, sweet person. Still, I'd rather pull off my toenails with my teeth than spend one more minute with her (with a tip o' the hat to Weird Al). This is obviously not going to work, and I have to break off Saturday's date.

Today I took a deep breath, called and asked if she felt any kind of connection. "Oh, yeah!" she says, then stops. "Uh... you didn't?"

"Err, I really didn't feel like we had any kind of spark."

"Oh, okay... that's honest, I guess. So- you want to cancel tonight?"

"Yeah, if that's okay. I just don't feel like we'd be going anywhere, y'know? (nervous laughter)"

In the end, it was pretty painless. She took it well on the phone. I just hope she took it well in real life. Not that I'm such a great catch, but I'm guessing she doesn't date much. Apparently she'd told her friends and mom about me. I'm hoping she's feeling all right. At any rate, I feel relieved, even though it means an indefinite suspension of my lonely nights.

Cherchez la femme! I carry on...

 

[chatdemon]

Do you want a cookie or something? Why do you waste our time with this drivel?


(edit)
I distinctly remember you and others running over to nutkinland to whine and moan about Angelsboi doing essentially the same thing, mentioning his personal life, and significant other, in his posts.. What gives? Not ok for him, but ok for you? If you ask me, none of it belongs here, but let's apply the rules fairly, whatever they are.

 

[javapadawan]

Do you want a cookie or something? Why do you waste our time with this drivel?

Oof... that's kinda harsh. Maybe it's just me, but one of the things I enjoy most about this board is the incredible feeling of community that I've yet to find elsewhere. I lurk a lot more often then I post, but I've always felt that if I wanted to, I could share off topic stuff here and not be rebuffed. I don't know about the Nutkinland stuff, so I can't comment on that, but I seem to remember Doc's last series of posts on this topic got quite a bit of interest and support. I'd say go ahead and vent if you need to Doc... some of us will listen. And don't give up man. You'll find her...

 

[chatdemon]

Maybe it's just me, but one of the things I enjoy most about this board is the incredible feeling of community that I've yet to find elsewhere.

Feeling of community???
Tell that to the girl he's ripping apart in that post. What if she came here to read the boards?

That post was just plain crass and juvenile, that is why I responded to it, I've kept my mouth shut in the past but IMO that one crossed the line.

 

[javapadawan]

Although I don't know Dr Midnight at all, the tone of his post suggested (to me at least) that he was not saying those things to be mean, but was rather just telling the story of what happened as one might tell a good friend.

Still, point taken chatdemon... I guess I would feel pretty bad if I came here and recognized myself in that post.

 

[Dr Midnight]

While I understand what chatdemon's saying- stop whining, etc.- My past posts of much greater angst garnered a pretty good amount of interest. Some posters ask me how I'm "doing" in unrelated threads, so I feel at least like some people don't mind reading this crap now and then.

Of course, if you DO mind reading this crap, chatdemon, it doesn't help to stop in and read this crap.

There's no chance of her reading this. Seriously. She doesn't know what D&D is, I didn't give her name, and she doesn't know "Dr. Midnight" at all. Besides, as Javapadawan says, the point is more to relate the story than to "rip her apart".

Rock over London, Rock on Chicago.

 

[Leopold]

wahoo a doc midnite update! I've been waiting a while for this to come about and finnally we have one!

Doc don't fret her she seemed twitish and not worth your time, I am sure you'll find others, any other juicy details that we need to know?

 

[Some guy from Ohio]

Cut Doc a break. I can remember the “old days” of trying to get relationships on track and I don’t envy those that still play that game. It helps to put your feelings in print and gives you a better clarity on your life. The only advice I can offer to you Doc is to keep on trying. I have been with the same wonderful woman for ten years (my fifth wedding anniversary is on Fri!) and we have had our first child for three months now. If true happiness actually exist, I must be very close to it. You keep searching and you WILL find what you are looking for. (I hope I didn’t give myself diabetic shock from the sappiness of this posting. ) Good Luck.

 

[Cloudgatherer]

Doc Midnight's previous posts have been pretty good. Just because this one wasn't as good as some of his others, doesn't mean one should get on his case about it.

Good luck in the endeavors, Doc.

 

[Heap Thaumaturgist]

I've had a few experiences like this, and I suppose that in this community, Doc's more likely to find people that say: "Yea, I know the pain."

It's OT but it's sort of, well, life. People aren't always nice to other people, or polite, or kind, or hold their tongue, or are appropriate. I know I'm not. And sometimes, when things aren't going well, it helps to just vent a little of the venom out, put a bit of humor on it for spin, and let it go.

I have had some hellacious dates, myself. And sometimes the other person doesn't really do anything wrong, but they just aren't what you're looking for. I know I've been that many times before ... you think things are going alright, sure you're a little nervous, some nervous laughter, figure your sense of humor is going over well ... call to set up another date and: "Well, I just didn't feel any chemistry, y'know? I mean, you're a nice guy and all, but."

If the ladies can do it to us, we can do it to the ladies. I had a girl who, literally, the only thing she would say about any subject was: "Well, that's interesting." If asked for an opinion: "It's interesting." I thought maybe it was me. I wasn't into her, but I was trying to make polite conversation ... come to find out, that's just what she says all the time. She's stuck on one phrase for all occassions. Yikes. And I'm sure she'd be offended if she came across me saying that somewhere, but, y'know, I'm positive some of the girls I didn't do anything for have some things to say about me and my mannerisms. Probably none of it flattering.

Being that I'm 6'8", 300lbs of Unsculpted Artsy Dork, I'm not high on the market myself. My personal life is a horror, so I can feel Doc's pain. There's always the chick that you meet, enjoy talking to, and are right to the point of asking her out when she mentions, for the first time in a month of casual contact, her boyfriend. There's always the date with somebody you feel guilty for not liking, but don't really like.

And I'm sure Doc's date here will find a guy who says: "Yea, yea, I know. You've got (insert book) and you're set, ready to go. Ha ha ha." and they get along like PB and J. I've got a dry, venomous sense of humor that REALLY turns some people off. I've gotten stern tongue lashings from some people and blank, uncomprehending stares from other girls. My friends think I'm funny when I'm being funny, some people probably don't. That's how it rolls ...

We'll all get ripped apart by somebody in our lives, and we'll all rip somebody else apart. And if you haven't, or don't, then somewhere somebody is saying: "And man, what's with him always being right? And that stick up his butt ..."

--HT