Need advice-getting rid of a player

[Shadoe's Lady]

Here's the short version. The guy is not fitting in with the group. He's creeping a lot of us out and making inappropriate remarks to (and in front of) our youngest member. He has a new girlfriend who he brings over (sometimes on game night, sometimes on occasions when we just hang out together) and she is doing the same. His attendance is erratic because he wants to spend time with her. It seems like for a while we've been complaining to each other about him behind his back. I decided this needed to stop and took it upon myself to ask everyone if we wanted him gone or what.

We decided we want him gone.

We sent him an email.

Unfortunately, we tried to be subtle about it, saying we understood he wanted to spend time with his girlfriend and we would understand if he didn't game this campaign and to give us a call when things between them got settled.

He didn't take the hint. He emailed us back saying not to worry, he'd be back Saturday ready to game.

So now what do we do?

Our main issue, and the reason I don't think his staying is a possibility, is for the peace of mind of our youngest member. I don't know if anyone else in the group has a problem saying "look, man, you're creeping us out", but I would rather not get into the reasons why with him. If you're thinking the GM should do it, that's not an option either since the current GM is our youngest member.

 

[Emiricol]

I'd be willing to guess one of your group tends to play the diplomat (or peace-keeper, or whatever you want to call it) and is better at diffusing the situation than others in the group.

One way would be to just say what you want, without necessarily going into details. Use lots of "we" statements. We decided. We think. We've agreed on. I'd do it when everyone is present, so he won't be angry at any one person. Plus if he really is creepy, there's safety in numbers

There's nothing wrong with "we just don't feel our group has a style that fits you. We have a different kind of vibe, and want to keep it that way. Thanks for your time, and I hope you find another game soon." followed by simply waiting for him to leave.

Just don't let him bait you into an argument, that never helps. I'm horrible at that, but hey take the advice or not

 

[alsih2o]

tell him politely and directly in a public place.

 

[William Ronald]

I think honesty is the best approach. I think the group needs to explain why they wish the new player to leave.

It might not be easy, but I think that approach will have a minimum of hurt feelings.

Sometimes, people do not fit in with a group. At other times, people change and groups change. This is something I have seen happen several times. The main issue seems to be that the group does not seem to enjoy having him as a player, and that many of you feel uncomfortable.

The player whom you are asking to leave may be offended, but it may be for the best. Fortunately, none of you seem to be close friends with this player. So, hurt feelings may be minimal.

 

[TracerBullet42]

Simple solution....sit down and half a nice, honest, open discussion with this player, and then when he least suspects it, WHAM! The ole fork in the eye....works every time....

You can thank Moe Syzlack for that one...

 

[TracerBullet42]

Oops....double post. So I suppose I'll just add here that if you really are just honest with the person, it'll probably work out for the best. Sure, there will be some tough moments, but that's how growth happens.

Or to state it simply, "It builds character". (no, not that kind of character...)

 

[mythago]

The most important thing is to present it as a fait accompli. "We're sorry, but we really don't feel you fit in with the group, and we'd rather you don't come back. Good luck to you."

Don't get into a debate about why you felt that way. Don't offer explanations. That will just lead him to argue, and if (as it seems) you guys are not all that fond of confrontation anyway, you may cave. If he argues or tantrums, just walk away; it is not open for discussion.

 

[DanMcS]

Wow, what wishy-washy nonsense. You dislike the guy enough to tell eleven thousand other people about it, suck it up and tell him he's not welcome any more unless he changes his behavior. Or if you don't think he can change, just tell him not to come back.

 

[Nyarlathotep]

I have to second the fork in the eye... a time-honored classic.

 

[ergeheilalt]

Tell him your downsizing the group and entering an adventure stream explicitly designs for (X) party members. Tell him that he, as the newest player, doesn't have the seniority to pick a spot in the "new game". If you do it on a game night (which, I dont recommend) tell him he is welcome to play his character one last time to put things in order before he leave. May be a little chickeny, but if he's making the game less fun for the other players he should go.

If you believe he wont go postal, tell him that his behavior is unbecoming in a player. Tell him that he doesn't appear to be willing to change and then politely ask him to leave.

Erge