One of my players wants to make a new power

[Mengu]

The level 9 version looks good. Alternatively you could ditch the miss damage and changed duration to until end of your next turn (instead of its).

For the 15th level version, I find Aftereffects to be unnecessary complexity for PC powers. Most monsters don't live long enough to make the save, get another turn, and take the damage. But it's not going to break anything.

Also take a look at some other level 15 powers like Prismatic Beams. I'd be a bit more generous with the level 15 version. Burst 2 within 10, enemies only isn't too much of a stretch. I think I'd ditch the miss line, and add some real damage to the hit line, like 2d6+Int as you were suggesting.

 

[DracoSuave]

Well, what's the point of the power? Is it a tool for dazing, or a tool for ongoing damage? The two require different approaches.

If the point is the dazing, then the original power's format of dazing as an effect, and damage on a hit is fine. The damage shouldn't be unmanageable. The original wording, barring range considerations is fine.

If the point is the ongoing damage, then that's what should be accessible with a miss, and the daze should be delicious gravy you can get with a hit. The ongoing damage should then be made the feature of the power.

I'd make it:
Hit: The target takes ongoing damage 5, and is dazed (save ends both).
Aftereffect: The target takes ongoing damage 5 (save ends).
Miss: The target takes ongoing damage 5 (save ends).

 

[Puggins]

I'd do it with a bit more flavor:

CURSE OF HEMOPHILIA --- Wizard Attack 9
Daily * Arcane, Implement, Necomancy
Standard Action -- Area burst 1 within 10

Target: Each creature in burst

Attack: Intelligence vs. Fortitude

Hit: Ongoing 5 damage and the target is dazed (save ends). If the target is bloodied, he instead takes ongoing 10 damage.

Miss: The target grants combat advantage until the end of your next turn. If the target is bloodied, it takes 5 damage.

 

[Nemesis Destiny]

The other approach you could take would borrow from the Fighter 9 Attack Bone Crusher - instead of Ongoing damage, the target could gain Vulnerable all damage x (save ends), or every time they get hit, take ongoing x (save ends).

It's a little more fiddly and simulationist, but could be fun.

 

[Infiniti2000]

Put the Effect line at the end. As it stands right now, he gets Combat Advantage on the attack roll of the 15th-level version by virtue of the power itself!

 

[the Jester]

Hey all, I'm trying to keep it as close to his vision as possible and am pretty much just looking for balance. Thus the ongoing on a hit and daze as an effect.

Put the Effect line at the end. As it stands right now, he gets Combat Advantage on the attack roll of the 15th-level version by virtue of the power itself!

Good point! I'll do this.