[OT] A joke a post.

[Airwolf]

The screams of agony aren't loud enough so here is more:

Why did the chicken cross the road?
Source: Sid Burns

PAT BUCHANAN:
To steal a job from a decent, hardworking American.

DR. SEUSS:
Did the chicken cross the road?
Did he cross it with a toad?
Yes!
The chicken crossed the road,
but why it crossed,
I've not been told!

ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die. In the rain.

MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.:
I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without
having their motives called into question.

GRANDPA:
In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us
that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.

ARISTOTLE:
It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

KARL MARX:
It was a historical inevitability.

SADDAM HUSSAIN:
This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in
dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.

RONALD REAGAN:
What chicken?

CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK:
To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

FOX MULDER:
You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have
to cross before you believe it?

FREUD:
The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road
reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

BILL GATES:
I have just released eChicken 98, which will not only cross roads, but
will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook -
and Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of theChicken.

EINSTEIN:
Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the
chicken?

BILL CLINTON:
I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by chicken?
Could you define chicken please?

LOUIS FARRAKHAN:
The road, you will see, represents the black man. The chicken crossed the
"black man" in order to trample him and keep him down.

THE BIBLE:
And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the chicken,"Thou
shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road, and there was
much rejoicing.

COLONEL SANDERS:
I missed one?


Regards,
Airwolf

 

[Airwolf]

Did I hear someone call for more?


A young man goes into a drug store to buy condoms. The pharmacist
says the condoms come in packs of 3, 9 or 12 and asks which the young
man wants. "Well," he said, "I've been seeing this girl for a while
and she's really hot. I want the condoms because I think tonight's
"the" night. We're having dinner with her parents, and then we're
going out. And I've got a feeling I'm gonna get lucky after that.
Once she's had me, she'll want me all the time, so you'd better give
me the 12 pack." The young man makes his purchase and leaves. Later
that evening, he sits down to dinner with his girlfriend and her
parents. He asks if he might give the blessing, and they agree. He
begins the prayer, but continues praying for several minutes. The
girl leans over and says, "You never told me that you were such a
religious person." He leans over to her and says, "You never told me
that your father is a pharmacist."


Regards,
Airwolf

 

[Airwolf]

Now its time to bring out the numbers:


This poem was written by John Saxon (an author of math textbooks).

((12 + 144 + 20 + (3 * 4^(1/2))) / 7) + (5 * 11) = 9^2 + 0


Or for those who have trouble with the poem:

A Dozen, a Gross and a Score,
plus three times the square root of four,
divided by seven,
plus five times eleven,
equals nine squared and not a bit more.


Regards,
Airwolf

 

[Airwolf]

How did I miss this one for my earlier chicken post?

Q: Why did the chicken cross the Moebius strip?
A: To get to the other ... er, um ...


Regards,
Airwolf

 

[Airwolf]

More math funnies:

Q: What do you get if you cross an elephant with a mountain climber.
A: You can't do that. A mountain climber is a scalar.


Q: How many mathematicians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: One, who gives it to six Californians, thereby reducing it to an
earlier riddle.


Q: Why is it that the more accuracy you demand from an interpolation
function, the more expensive it becomes to compute?
A: That's the Law of Spline Demand.


MADD = Mathematicians
Against
Drunk
Deriving


Regards,
Airwolf

 

[Airwolf]

Let's all learn to speak like the Europeans!


The European Union Commissioners have announced that agreement has been
reached to adopt ENGLISH as the preferred language for European
communications, rather than GERMAN, which was the other possibility. As
part of the negotiations, the British government conceded that English
spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a five-year phased
plan for what will be known as Euro-English (Euro for short). In the
first year, "s" will be used instead of the soft "c". Sertainly, sivil
servants will resieve this news with joy. Also, the hard "c" will be
replased with "k". Not only will this klear up konfusion, but typewriters
kan have one less letter. There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the
sekond year, when the ? troublesome "ph" will be replaced by "f". This
will make words like "fotograf" 20 persent shorter. In the third year,
publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage
where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkorage the
removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to aku-rate
speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of silent "e"s in the
languag is disgrasful, and they would go. By the fourth year, peopl wil
be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" by "z" and "w" by "v". During
ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou",
and simlar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.
After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no
mor trubls or difikultis und evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech
ozer. Ze drem vil finali kum tru.!!!! Ve vil al haf to relern
schpeling. Bt Ve r zur yu vil lik dis!


Regards,
Airwolf

 

[Airwolf]

Some days you get the refrigerator and some days the refrigerator gets you!



THREE MEN IN HEAVEN.....

Three men were standing in line to get into heaven one day. Apparently it
had been a pretty busy day, though, so Peter had to tell the first one,
"Heaven's getting pretty close to full today, and I've been asked to admit
only people who have had particularly horrible deaths. So what's your
story?"

So the first man replies: "Well, for a while I've suspected my wife has
been cheating on me, so today I came home early to try to catch her
red-handed. As I came into my 25th floor apartment, I could tell
something was wrong, but all my searching around didn't reveal where this
other guy could have been hiding. Finally, I went out to the balcony, and
sure enough, there was this man

hanging off the railing, 25 floors above ground! By now I was really mad,
so I started beating on him and kicking him, but wouldn't you know it, he
wouldn't fall off. So finally I went back into my apartment and got a
hammer and starting hammering on his fingers. Of course, he couldn't
stand that for long, so he let go and fell -- but even after 25 stories,
he fell into the bushes, stunned but okay. I couldn't stand it anymore,
so I ran into the kitchen, grabbed the fridge and threw it over the edge
where it landed on him, killing him instantly. But all the stress and
anger got to me, and I had a heart attack and died there on the balcony."

"That sounds like a pretty bad day to me," said Peter, and let the man in.

The second man comes up and Peter explains to him about heaven being
full, and again asks for his story.

"It's been a very strange day. You see, I live on the 26th floor of my
apartment building, and every morning I do my exercises out on my balcony.
Well, this morning I must have slipped or something, because I fell over
the edge. But I got lucky, and caught the railing of the balcony on the
floor below me. I knew I couldn't hang on for very long, when suddenly
this man burst out onto the balcony. I thought for sure I was saved, when
he started beating on me and kicking. I held on the best I could until he
ran into the apartment and grabbed a hammer and started pounding on my
hands. Finally I just let go, but again I got lucky and fell into the
bushes below, stunned but all right. Just when I was thinking I was going
to be okay, this refrigerator comes falling out of the sky and crushes me
instantly, and now I'm here."

Once again, Peter had to concede that that sounded like a pretty horrible
death.

The third man came to the front of the line, and again Peter explained
that heaven was full and asked for his story.

"Picture this," says the third man, "I'm hiding naked inside a
refrigerator...."


Regards,
Airwolf

 

[Pielorinho]

Airwolf, given your two themes, I figure you'll appreciate this one:

Q. What number is even better than 69?









A. 77. You get 8 more.

Daniel

 

[Airwolf]

Airwolf, given your two themes, I figure you'll appreciate this one:

Q. What number is even better than 69?









A. 77. You get 8 more.

Daniel

I don't get it, what does that have to do with chickens?

 

[Ruined]

What with all the sadness and trauma going on in the world at the moment, it is worth reflecting on the death of a very important person which almost went unnoticed last month.

Larry La Prise, the man who wrote "The Hokey Pokey" died peacefully at the age of 93.

The most traumatic part for his family was getting him into the coffin.

They put his left leg in - - and then the trouble started.