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Pope to change D&D cosmology

Henrix

Explorer
Pope to change D&D cosmology
Vatican City (Reuters): The Pope is set to abolish the concept of Limbo, overturning a belief held by Dungeons & Dragons players since Gary Gygax first described the cosmology of the game in the Players Handbook in 1978.

Limbo has long been held by the Catholic Church to be the place where the souls of children go if they die before they can be baptised, as well as the source of the chaotic neutral alignment and home of the Slaadi. However, a 30-strong international commission of theologians summoned by the late John Paul II last year to come up with a "more coherent and illuminating" doctrine in tune with the modern age is to present its findings to Pope Benedict XVI on Friday.

Vatican sources said yesterday that the commission would recommend that Limbo be replaced by the more "compassionate" doctrine that all children who die do so "in the hope of eternal salvation", rather than the traditionally held belief that their souls suffer eternal deprivations at the hands of the Slaadi and their demented lords Ssendam and Ygorl.

What this change in theology will do for the millions of Dungeons & Dragons players across the world is not yet clear. Randy Thomson, a Dungeon Master of 23 years from Buffalo, New York, is livid. "The Pope has no authority to mess with the cosmology of our beloved multiverse!" Thomson ranted, between gulps of cola. "This will be like Second Edition all over again, when they tried to take away our demons and devils. If it's a schism the Pope wants, it's a schism he'll get!"

But not all players of the game are so enraged. Lisle Sheffield, a player for 14 years from Tucson, Arizona, said, "Frankly, I'm pleased with this move. The planar cosmology was a straitjacket imposed by the medieval-style beliefs of roleplayers from the 1970s, who saw the need for a way to restrain the actions of characters within a rigid alignment system. In these enlightened times, such measures are not necessary, as modern secular humanism encourages accountability for actions within the moral framework of the D&D setting without the need for rules. I see the abolition of Limbo as the first step towards a more open and honest roleplaying system."

These arguments don't go down well with Timmy Livingstone, a 14-year-old from Sacramento, Caifornia, who discovered the game with his friends last summer. "The Pope can't take away Limbo! Who does he think he is! My 78th level half-elf-half-dwarf paladin-ranger-barbarian just got a +23 sword of Slaad-slaying, and was going to go to Limbo and kill Ygorl and take over the whole plane! How's he going to do that now? He might have to take over the Seven Heavens instead! Let's see how the Pope likes that!"

The Vatican has so far declined to comment on the reactions of the faithful D&D players of the world.

(Paraphrased from http://www.timesonline.co.uk/article/0,,13509-1897480,00.html)

Quoted from here.
 

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In response, the Slaadi decide to invade the Prime Material plane.

"We'll show them who should be abolished," a Grey Slaad was quoted as saying.

"It's Slaad-slaughterin' time!" responded Thog, a half-orc barbarian, when informed of the impending Slaadi invasion. "Human Pope do good to bring Slaad down to Thog!"
 

Hairfoot

First Post
In related news: a source inside the Vatican says that the pontiff also plans to abolish swift actions and the 5' step.
 


der_kluge

Adventurer
Anyone else but me find it odd that while in a meeting, you could decide to create and destroy entire planes of existence? I mean, I guess the church created it in the first place. It just seems odd to me.

I thought only God had the power to do that.
 

Henrix

Explorer
Sounds like a great high level adventure; disturb the committee before they decide to abolish the material plane....
 



Henry

Autoexreginated
der_kluge said:
I thought only God had the power to do that.

Don't forget about the St. Peter thing: "Whatsoever you bind on earth shall be bound in heaven," and all that. Check out the Kevin Smith movie Dogma for a more whimsical take on the idea - a cardinal inadvertantly almost undoes all of existance in an extension of this.

But that's as far into religious discussion as I'm going to go... ;)
 


fusangite

First Post
Henry said:
Don't forget about the St. Peter thing: "Whatsoever you bind on earth shall be bound in heaven," and all that. Check out the Kevin Smith movie Dogma for a more whimsical take on the idea - a cardinal inadvertantly almost undoes all of existance in an extension of this.

But that's as far into religious discussion as I'm going to go... ;)
On the verge of shirking your moderator role here, Henry, fun as the thread is. Limbo was made logically unnecessary with the doctrine of implicit faith adopted at Vatican II but because both Benedict and John Paul II were anti-Vatican II, they're doing a cosmological rewrite ignoring its conclusions.

This thread really does serve to remind us of the glorious logical incoherence of the Gygaxian Great Wheel. The other outer planes are similarly horrible manglings of someone's idea of the afterlife.

The pope should really consider adopting the Aztec belief that the second level of heaven is occupied by a giant breast-covered tree at which infants who die before weaning suckle for the rest of time.
 

Mercule

Adventurer
fusangite said:
The pope should really consider adopting the Aztec belief that the second level of heaven is occupied by a giant breast-covered tree at which infants who die before weaning suckle for the rest of time.

Alas that I'm already weened. Maybe I should look for a wet-nurse instead of a hospice nurse when the time comes. :D
 

Henrix

Explorer
fusangite said:
The pope should really consider adopting the Aztec belief that the second level of heaven is occupied by a giant breast-covered tree at which infants who die before weaning suckle for the rest of time.
I'd like to see that in a Planescape adventure.
 

radferth

First Post
I can just see it, Quetzalcoatl sends the player to check out why a large portion of the men destined for a spot higher in heaven never go further than the 2nd level. The PCs have to figure out a way to get those guys off the tree and onto their proper places without disturbing the babies.
 


jaerdaph

#BlackLivesMatter
fusangite said:
Limbo was made logically unnecessary with the doctrine of implicit faith adopted at Vatican II but because both Benedict and John Paul II were anti-Vatican II, they're doing a cosmological rewrite ignoring its conclusions.

Yeah yeah yeah, Father, whatever. Just tell me when Bingo night is!

:D
 

francisca

Explorer
fusangite said:
This thread really does serve to remind us of the glorious logical incoherence of the Gygaxian Great Wheel. The other outer planes are similarly horrible manglings of someone's idea of the afterlife.
Whah!!!!!

Game with Elves and Dragons, and you are worried about logical coherence.

Henrix: Great link! The guys in my group will bust a gut over that one.
 
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Shemeska

Adventurer
In response to the news, several organizations made statements to the press:


Shylara the Manged, a Gehennan Arcanaloth speaking on behalf of the Yugoloth heirarchy of Khin-Oin, had the following to say:

"Frankly, we don't give a sh*t, it's not like we made them like we did the other fiends. .... Is that camera on? Hey! Turn that camera off! That was off the record!"

Shortly thereafter we switched to a second feed after our first reporter was sadly carried off screaming by several mezzoloths. We're told that we'll have his remains shipped back to us in a 9x12 envelope.

Speaking again, the 'loths had the following to say officially:

"On behalf of the Oinoloth of the Wasting Tower, the General of Gehenna, and all other members of the 'loth race, we'd like to extend our sympathies to the displaced residents of Limbo. We really are sorry. Really. Trust us. And now with that sickening sympathy out of the way, we're holding our LIMBO IS GOING OUT OF BUSINESS SALE!!!! Everything is priced to move! Don't ask us how we got ahold of it all, we're just connected. You want to buy githzerai souls? We've got plenty! You want to buy the Spawning Stone? We've got it too! We cleaned them out and we're passing along the savings to you! So buy it now while the buying is good!"

Legal disclaimer: The Yugoloths are not to be held responsible for anything we sell you, and ultimately yeah most of it'll kill you, some of it naturally and some of it because we're b*stards like that and because we're better than you. So buy up berks and do enjoy.


In response, the Slaadi had the following to tell us:

Blarglefez the Blue Slaadi - "LikE bALlOoNs I rED!!"

Our reporter's head was eaten at that point, so we apologize for not having any longer commentary.
 

Kahuna Burger

First Post
fusangite said:
The pope should really consider adopting the Aztec belief that the second level of heaven is occupied by a giant breast-covered tree at which infants who die before weaning suckle for the rest of time.
To counter point the "uh-huh uh-huh breasts" style responses, I have to say that as a mother that is as good a baby afterlife as I can imagine - ultimate peace and happiness for all eternity. :)
 


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