<Rant> Where has courtesy gone?

[Desdichado]

(On the "kids today" issue -- I have older teaching coleagues who swear that "today's kids" are 10x nicer and more pleasant than the tough breed of kid in the 70s. "Kids today" have a lot to deal with, and by and large they're handling it pretty well. Our society is not on the edge of ruin as far as I can see. )

Open your eyes, you blind fool!

 

[nothing to see here]

Maybe it's just me, but I find this whole topic incredibly ironic, considering it's on an Internet Message Boards...one of the most unregulated...incendiary, strident and rude forms of communication in the world (though ENworld is far more courteous than most).

Heck, rudeness is so common on Message Boards people even came up with new terms (flaming, trolling etc) just to handle them.

When people feel hyper-empowered, they do so at the expense of erosion their sense of obligation to others. It's Basic communications theory.

Of course, it could be that I'm just way too sensitive to irony.

 

[billd91]

There are probably plenty of studies on courtesy that you can find conducted by sociologists that might help answer why things are the way they are.
I think urbanization and population density has a little do with it. In crowded areas, you have to erect your personal defenses (physical and psychological) a bit more strongly (even draconianly) than you do in smaller communities. I've usually found smaller communities thus tend to have more helpful and polite people.

I also think that social expectations and training are involved as well. I have to say that, for the most part, around here the most courteous people are the older men and some of the least are middle-aged and older women. And I think that's because of how they were expected to behave in society as they grew up. Men were expected to be courteous and women were expected to be the recipients of that courtesy. I noticed this more than once when pushing around a stroller or hauling a load of boxes down the sidewalk. Older men would get out of my way or hold doors. Older women would not, in fact, they'd often expect me to get out of their way or just bull their way past me. I was really surprised when that happened when I was pushing my baby in the stroller. Of course, there were exceptions to both, but I'm talking about the general experiences I've had.
In my experience, younger people, educated after the 1970s, might be courteous or not regardless of sex. I haven't noticed a real bias... other than clueless pre-adolescent children in general who have the observational powers of a pet rock.

 

[Odysseus]

How often do you see people in a hurry, but with no where go!
I think the entropy of the polite society doesn't lie with a new generation, but with everybody.
Everybody is too much of a hurry to give other people a thought, let alone a polite word.

As to stopping to help people. When I moved to the states, from england. I got given a cultural guide to the states. Included in it we're warnings about stoping at apparent accidents, that could be set-ups for robbery.

 

[Harmon]

This makes me angrier than anything Harmon's posted.

My apologizes. I know I have been quite an ass in the past. Try as I might I will continue to piss people off, I can't help that.

Writing on the boards or in email is really a bad way to communicate. I feel its cost me a lot more then if I had used the phone or in person.

Take care, Fanboy, hope our experiences together are a little more harmous and kind in the future.

 

[Rel]

My apologizes. I know I have been quite an ass in the past. Try as I might I will continue to piss people off, I can't help that.

Writing on the boards or in email is really a bad way to communicate. I feel its cost me a lot more then if I had used the phone or in person.

Take care, Fanboy, hope our experiences together are a little more harmous and kind in the future.

Unless I'm misinterpreting things, he wasn't angry at YOU but at the situations you mentioned (i.e. nobody stopping to help the pregnant lady).

 

[fanboy2000]

I apologize. I should have posted "This makes me angrier than any example of rudeness Harmon's posted in this thread." It makes me angry because she's encouraging the kind of behavior that you have experienced, while taking advantage of the politeness she's received.

 

[Wystan]

Harmon, I do not think his anger is directed at you, but at the stereotypes and people types you discuss. The thing that has him angrier is the person who states that politeness can be disingenous.

 

[Desdichado]

Heck, rudeness is so common on Message Boards people even came up with new terms (flaming, trolling etc) just to handle them.

When people feel hyper-empowered, they do so at the expense of erosion their sense of obligation to others. It's Basic communications theory.

I've occasionally wondered if the prevalence of online forums of communication hasn't heightened rudeness amongst people at large.

 

[BiggusGeekus]

I've occasionally wondered if the prevalence of online forums of communication hasn't heightened rudeness amongst people at large.

My communications skills have certainly suffered.

You can't really have a conversation on the internet. You don't talk to people, you talk at them. There's also the prediliction for jumping into a conversation and burbling whatever pops into your head. Or just starting a "new topic" whenever you feel like discussing something. Those habits have carried over into my real life conversation habits and I need to change that.