(ranting) request for group help

[Harmon]

I gotta side with Mark on that. I can only imagine the nasty fights that could result if Harmon continued to play, while his wife stayed home. Bad news that...

Not so sure.

A number of years ago she quit gaming and that was okay, then we started gaming where she could hear and see us (in our house) and she asked to get back into it and rejoined with warm hugs and kisses from all (not really but you get the idea).

Now a few years later this whole thing with her character pops up and she's not so happy.

She quits and she's gonna want to rejoin.

As it goes we have little time together during the week- working forty hours, we have part of saturday and all day Sunday together. Not gaming on Saturday (for both of us) and we more then liklely would be down to just Sunday together (work for her is more then the group seems to understand).

 

[Steverooo]

Well, it sounds to me like quitting is not an option. The next easiest thing to do may also not be so good for her... Retiring this PC, and creating a new one (the third) without the demands of alignment/Chosen of Tritherion on it...

She may not like that, but it would solve the problem. A new Fighter, maybe a true neutral. She could concentrate on fighting, ignore the mysteries, and have no requirements on her.

Of course, she may not like that. She;s already lost one beloved PC, she may not like sacrificing another.

If I were the GM, I'd say concentrating on "one area of ministry" was fine, and then use dreams, etc., to try to move the PC towards Tritherion's will... The problem, there, is that (apparently) she doesn't want to go that direction, and there's no way to MAKE somone want something like that...

Gooc luck!

 

[dvvega]

Actually my point regarding "do you expect me to go" is valid in my relationship. But its obviously a relationship issue. My wife and I have a relationship whereby these things can be said/asked and the response is 100% accepted if it is grounded in a good decision, and not just "i want to keep playing so stuff you".

But every answer posted is valid and has merit because it works in that specific relationship.

The common themes you can see though are: communication, understanding, discussion, validation.

communicate with your wife
understand what it is she wants from the experience
discuss alternatives, or solutions to problems
validate that the right solution has been obtained

If your GM is more roleplay and she is more combat right now, she can easily fight-roleplay. Create a character that is short-fused, it will enhance roleplay for the party trying to stop the inevitable combat, and she will be able to at least rumble a bit.

 

[Sammael]

I agree that a new character may solve some of the problems. Her current character's background doesn't really make sense if she wants to switch to a "casual gamer" or "wargamer" style of play. However, this may not sit well with the DM, who probably spent quite a bit of time working out plots that connect to her ex-pirate story.

 

[Mark]

Actually my point regarding "do you expect me to go" is valid in my relationship. But its obviously a relationship issue. My wife and I have a relationship whereby these things can be said/asked and the response is 100% accepted if it is grounded in a good decision, and not just "i want to keep playing so stuff you".

But every answer posted is valid and has merit because it works in that specific relationship.

The common themes you can see though are: communication, understanding, discussion, validation.

communicate with your wife
understand what it is she wants from the experience
discuss alternatives, or solutions to problems
validate that the right solution has been obtained

My apologies if I inadvertantly mischaracterized what you said or meant.

Good points made.

 

[wedgeski]

I must admit I don't quite understand why the expectations of the any other players, or the DM, have anything to do with the way your wife wants to play her character. Surely she can play the PC the way she wants to play it, and it's the rest of the group that should bend to fit..? I have first hand experience of this problem when a player in my own group was on the verge of being persuaded that the only 'viable' option for her character was the party healer. She almost capitulated before I found out what was going on and put my foot down. Now the party doesn't have a healer, but she's playing the mad gnome she always wanted to, and it becomes my job, through whatever means, to make sure the game still works for them. That player was the least experienced player in the group and probably more vulnerable to pressure from the other gamers with more roleplaying levels under their belt. She also happened to be my wife.

It also seems to me that if your wife is having a stressful time outside of the game, then the game should be there for her to blow off steam, and that means she should play a PC that she enjoys, in a manner that she enjoys. Currently that seems to be as a straightforward righter-of-wrongs, with none of the intrigue or machinations that she has played in the past. This may be upsetting the expectations of others, and may also be derailing some of your DM's plans (which only exacerbates the earlier problems), but unless it completely and utterly throws the campaign off its stride, exerting pressure on her is just going to alienate her from the group. For myself, I often find that the kind of games I want to play and/or run are directly influenced by what's going on at work; the more stress I'm feeling, the bigger the escape needs to be, and that often means picking up a sword and hacking at my enemies rather than bringing them down from within.

Hope that was remotely helpful.

 

[Sammael]

I respectfully disagree with the previous poster. If one player's playing style doesn't fit the campaign, there is only so much that the DM and the other players can do to adjust. Particularly if the player begins play with a certain character concept and then makes a 180-degree turn on that concept. It may be frustrating for that player to be unable to play the character the way he or she wants to, but imagine how frustrating it must be for the other players and the DM to be stuck with a character that simply doesn't fit? A brute barbarian whose player favors "kick-in-the-door" style of play isn't going to work in a campaign of court intrigues and political machinations. Likewise, a suave aristocrat with dozens of contacts and a reputation of honor (played by a method actor) won't last a minute in the Tomb of Horrors-type dungeon crawl, and, if he does, he won't be more than a burdain for the other players.

 

[Pbartender]

These situations occasionally pop up in our group... Someone starts getting a little burnt out, and has a rough go of it.

We've found one of the best solutions is to take a sort of roleplaying vacation...

As a group, take a break from the usual game for a couple of weeks, and play a short adventure in something completely different.

- Go back to a good old fashioned dungeon crawl, with no plot line other than busting down the doors, killing the evil monsters and stealing their treasure.
- Play an ultra high level adventure, in which everyone is a 20th level godling.
- Try out a different genre... Horror, sci-fi, super heroes, or like.
- Do a themed adventure... Everyone must have at least 1 level of an arcane spellcasting class, or maybe every must play a gnome.

You get the idea. Step away and play something else for a while. Clear the palette, and then come back... Hopefully with a fresh perspective.

 

[wedgeski]

It may be frustrating for that player to be unable to play the character the way he or she wants to, but imagine how frustrating it must be for the other players and the DM to be stuck with a character that simply doesn't fit?

This is not such an extreme. If I read the OP correctly the player in question has found a style of play that goes against the *expectations* of the rest of the group. It's hardly campaign destroying. Her background sounds like it fits just fine.

A brute barbarian whose player favors "kick-in-the-door" style of play isn't going to work in a campaign of court intrigues and political machinations.

Why not? Sounds like fun. Perhaps one of the PC's has taken the barbarian under his wing in an attempt to 'civilize' him. Perhaps one of the character's enemies has uncovered the brute as a relative of one of his rivals in an attempt to discredit him. There are any number of ways to fit such a character in and add richness to the campaign.

Honestly, I do take your point. It's just one I've never, ever agreed with.

Likewise, a suave aristocrat with dozens of contacts and a reputation of honor (played by a method actor) won't last a minute in the Tomb of Horrors-type dungeon crawl, and, if he does, he won't be more than a burdain for the other players.

Except this is a *campaign*, not a one-off dungeon crawl. If a player came up with a suave aristocrat after being asked to roll up a character for the Tomb of Horrors, I might quirk an eyebrow, but I'd be interested to see how he fared. You might then find that a large proportion of the encounters are neatly sidestepped or pushed dramatically in the PC's favour by equivocation and quick talking. Who's to say?

It's possible I have a 'thing' about this. How can anyone expect a roleplayer to commit to a campaign in which they must play a character with whom they don't engage?

 

[Ashrum the Black]

I'd say it sounds like she wants to play a combat monster and just wach things. Been there done that. When stress and life get out of control it's sometimes a great release valve. Which is what this sounds a lot like.

You mentioned that you DM as well. If this is the case then talk to your wife and the DM about taking a hiatus form his campiagn for a while. DM somehting that your wife can just play a combat monster in and kill the villians. Don't force her into the spotlight unless she wants to be there.

When the stress level form work begins to go down, or she begins to get a handle on things there you can come back to the previous campaign. For that matter, if she begins to get sick of that play style, which she might, you can come back.

But I would definitly recommend a break from at least that campiagn for a while. Just my .02 CP.

-Ashrum