Just noticed the push effect of thunderwave serves one very valuable purpose: It allows you to move up, blast a bunch of mooks, and move back without provoking OAs. Remember that everyone can split-move in 5E. The AoE on thunderwave is also excellent for its level (albeit not as good as sleep); a 15-foot cube should be able to hit 3-4 foes pretty regularly.
D&D 5E Rating the 1st level Wizard Spells
- Thread starter Celebrim
- Start date
trentonjoe
Explorer
At low levels is isn't worth the valuable spell slot to give the the +1 AC to someone else. Both our wizards cast Mage Armor on themselves every day though.
Oh, on yourself, sure! That's what the spell is designed to do, and it does it well. I'm just pointing out that using it on other people yields very little benefit. By the time you can afford to blow a spell slot on giving someone +1 AC, the monk and barb probably have 16 in their secondary stats, making the spell ineffective.
Could be a nice little perk for the rogue and ranger, though.
trentonjoe
Explorer
I think you're right! The monk/barb things say "when not wearing any armor" and Mage Armor says it makes your AC 13+ Dex when not wearing armor.
I think it should work. That certainly makes it better at higher levels when spell slots aren't so valuable.
It also makes the SORC/BARB combo AC crazy.
I think it should work. That certainly makes it better at higher levels when spell slots aren't so valuable.
It also makes the SORC/BARB combo AC crazy.
It has been established both in the rules and from clarifications from Mike Mearls that there are several ways to calculate AC. You may choose:
10 + Dex
Light Armor AC + Dex
Medium Armor AC + Dex up to 2
Heavy Armor AC
Mage Armor 13 + Dex
Barbarian 10 + Dex + Con
Monk 10 + Dex + Wis
Certain Sorcers 10 + Dex + Cha (Not 100% certain on which Sorcerers this works for)
All of these methods set a starting AC. Choose whichever one gives you the highest AC.
Certain things add to AC.
Shields +2
Half Cover +2
3/4 Cover +5
Ring of Protection +1
Shield Spell +5
Bracers of Defense +3 when not wearing armor (this may change to 13 + Dex in the DMG)
the Jester
Legend
I don't think so.
Mage armor gives you 13 + Dex.
Monk gives you 10 + Dex + Wis.
Barbarian gives you 10 + Dex + Con.
Each has a formula that it applies. Are you focusing on the use of the term "base AC" in the monk class ability? That's the only thing I see that offers any doubt about this; there's definitely room for argument there, I suppose.
They don't stack per Sage Ruling. They are considered to provide a base AC that doesn't stack with something like Mage Armor or Barkskin. You can choose one or the other. Pretty much has been ruled that nothing stacks from a similar source. From what I understand Shield and Shield of Faith don't stack because they are both a spell source. Stacking has been severely limited in 5E.
Delandel
First Post
Agree with most. Disagree about burning hands and thunderwave. Both are great against low hp mooks. They take damage even if they save, so it's great at guaranteeing a kill on a nearly dead enemy where otherwise you might miss and give them another round to attack. Cast it when there are 3 enemies in range, 9d6 damage total is certainly higher than the average fighter swing.
Thunddrwave is also great for its utility. It breaks grapples. It let's you push out of threatened range. Push targets off cliffs. Great stuff.
Ivery made great use of both spells on my sorcerer from levels 2 to currently 5. An evocation wizard would love them too.
I'd say 3 for burning hands and 4 for thunder wave.
Thunddrwave is also great for its utility. It breaks grapples. It let's you push out of threatened range. Push targets off cliffs. Great stuff.
Ivery made great use of both spells on my sorcerer from levels 2 to currently 5. An evocation wizard would love them too.
I'd say 3 for burning hands and 4 for thunder wave.
Roger
First Post
This is a good idea. Let's see...
Alarm: In the unlikely event you have no friends that you can talk into taking the night watch, or the much more likely event that they're all terrible at keeping watch, this spell will keep you safe. Safe-ish. Alright it's better than taking a hobgoblin glaive to the face while you're snoring, is the deal here. It's a ritual you cast right before going to bed, so there's not really any good reason not to cast it. Unless your neighbours start complaining about your wagon alarm going off in the middle of the night all the time. Rating: one ping out of one ping only.
Burning Hands: You'll never convince the dirty turnip farmers that you're a real wizard unless you can shoot fire out of your hands and ignite their turnip cart, so this is a pretty solid choice. Sure, some day you'll be able to toss fire far enough away from your own body to be actually useful, but today isn't that day, so be happy with what you have. Dig this one out when an amphibian swallows you whole. Rating: flammable and inflammable.
Charm Person: Sometimes you need to convince that turnip farmer that, despite immolating his entire year's crop of turnips, you're actually a really swell guy. In theory you could rely on your winning personality, but there's probably a good reason you decided to major in Wizardry and not Bardic Sing-a-Longs, and so you cast this spell and everyone is happy. For a while. If you can't make your escape inside an hour, you're probably getting what you deserve. Unfortunately, you can't Charm just the top half of a centaur, but I wish you the best of luck in trying to convince your DM that you totally can. Use of this spell may result in legal problems; among the more-popular defenses are "I was just ensuring she wasn't a doppelganger!", "No, see, it was I who was Charmed, and that's why I cast the spell; it's all the witch's fault!" and "Behold! FIRE!" Rating: Several chanting and enchanting enchanters out of enchantments.
Chromatic Orb: Aren't we all hoity-toity -- back in my day we just called this the Color Ball, and we loved it. Do not taunt the Color Ball. It's, well, it's a ball of color. Unlikely to impress any but the most mundane of turnip farmers. They'd probably be more impressed by the diamond you're lugging around in order to cast this. Ask your local dwarven dentist if he can inset the diamond into one of your gold teeth -- it's a classy look. Anyway, you can pick a damage type that's appropriate to your theme. Even fire, if you want. Some might suggest that throwing a ball of fire ninety-feet down-range makes this some sort of, you know, fire ball, but those people are ignorant in the ways of magicalosity and should be ignored. Or throw a ball of thunder at them. They'll be all like, what? NO SERIOUSLY WHAAAAT I AM DEAF NOW. Rating: six damage types out of a possible ten.
Color Spray: I appreciate your restraint in not calling this Chromatic Effusion. So, yeah, more colors. An illusion, finally, for all our weirdo Illusionist friends. If you like rolling dice and sorting targets in ascending order, this is the spell for you. Also if you like poking people in the eyes with magic. It makes them blind -- well, no, not really; it's only illusory blindness. Explain this distinction carefully during the trial. Singing along to "She Blinded Me... WITH MAGIC!" is optional but highly-recommended. Rating: 6d10 eyeball pokes out of Thomas Dolby.
Comprehend Languages: Dropping out of Goblin 101 was clearly the right choice, as this gives you all the languages. And by give I mean you can understand them, but you can't say anything yourself; good for impressing your date with what a good listener you are. Okay I guess you could start uttering random phenomes and hope you hear yourself saying something like what you're trying to convey; I wish you the best of luck in trying to convince your DM that you totally can. Lasts for an hour, which is literally about how long your party will literally be arguing about what 'literal' means. Also a ritual, so yay, spending all that time learning how to cast rituals wasn't a total and complete waste of your afternoon. Rating: koof shaa goo rookuu.
Disguise Self: In the extremely-unlikely event that you end up wanted by local law enforcement, you may find this useful. Mostly so all the eyewitness accounts agree that someone matching your description was stabbing that beggar with a banana for some reason. Also gives you something to say to people in taverns after you're out of Charm Floozy and Comprehend Chit-Chat spells -- "Hey baby, want to disbelieve my pantaloons? Would you care to... physically interact with them?" Rating: several masters of disguise -- or is it just one?
Detect Magic: When the barbarian asks you if that thing over there is magical, it's a good idea to be able to do something more than shrug enigmatically and grunt. Sure, no one ever asks the bard to Detect Music, but that's why you get first stab at the good treasure. So, yeah, ritual; make the barbarian lug all the useless junk from the entire dungeon level into one room and pile it in a corner while you're doing all that impressive ritualistic magical stuff. See if you can convince him the two-hundred-pound millstone is definitely magical and there's no way he can afford to leave it behind. Rating: three feet of wood out of one inch of common metal.
Expeditious Retreat: It is, in fact, theoretically possible to use this spell for something other than retreat. You could deliver a pizza in 10 minutes or less, or outrun the village idiot. But you're pretty much always going to be running away, so it's either finding a slow friend you can outrun or this spell. Rating: one forrest out of a possible gump.
False Life: Hey kids you've probably heard that necromancy is pretty cool. But kids. Kids, necromancy is not cool. It's only temporarily cool. Like these temporary hit points. I guess this is good if you've managed to alienate the cleric, but next time maybe you should just sit quietly through his boring sermon. Rating: 1d4+4 out of a possible nope you're dead now.
Feather Fall: Mostly useful for convincing small children and gullible lovers to jump off a bridge with you, then personally avoiding all the consequences of your terrible moral code. I guess you could save them too, if that turned out to be a good idea for some reason. Not preparing this spell guarantees lots of pit traps, while conversely, if you have it ready then there won't be any. Everyone likes BASE jumping so it's an easy choice. Rating: 600 feet out of a 900 foot pit.
Find Familiar: First, have you tried looking behind the ottoman? Alright, fine, cast your spell. Here's your magical spirit fish companion. Hope you brought a bowl. Impress the turnip farmers by pulling a weasel out of your pointy hat. If you've got the spell, I guess you might as well cast it; if you don't, I wouldn't lose a lot of sleep over it. Rating: one sea horse out of a pocket dimension.
Fog Cloud: Recently voted as the effect least likely to impress a turnip farmer. Behold! FOG! Yeah, that's all it does. Sorry can't talk now; I'm concentrating. Concentrating on fog. Magic is mysterious. Eventually you can make a lot of fog, probably even enough to fill an entire courtroom. Rating: Foggy with occasional sunny breaks and a chance of concentration.
Grease: Does anyone really need an excuse to carry butter around with them everywhere they go? I know I don't. You can grease up your wizardly slip-and-slide or whatever. You can't grease up your pig or your barbarian, which may be for the best, but probably not. You never get better at greasing stuff up, no matter how many Wizard levels you take; this reflects pretty poorly on the state of Wizardly higher-education and will be addressed during my upcoming symposium. Rating: one small pat of butter out of a churn.
Identify: When your barbarian starts to have doubts about the two-hundred-pound millstone he's been carrying for the last 40 miles, you're going to want to have this spell handy. Also when the rogue starts gazing covetously at the oh-so-shiny boots sitting in the pile of booty. Tell them they need to all go away so as to not interfere with your ritual. Rub that pearl you've been keeping safe furiously. Think of something plausible to tell the barbarian and the rogue. You can do better than 'Boots of Wizardly Toe-Twinkling' if you put your mind to it. Rating: one potion of delusion out of a dozen super potions of super-heroinism.
Illusory Script: Great for those nascent graffiti artists who need the evidence against them to disappear in ten days. Surely you can pad out your trial at least that long. Also great for drawing on the barbarian's face when he passes out. Not quite as great for accomplishing anything remotely useful. Rating: (true believers)TERRIBLE(everyone else)FANTASTIC.
Jump: Jump? Might as well Jump. Go ahead, Jump. Good for making tavern bets that you can jump over the tavern. Cast it on yonder turnip farmer's donkey for an afternoon's entertainment. I don't think I've ever met a Wizard who loves jumping so darn much that they really need this spell, but I suppose there must be one out there. Rating: one back out of against a record machine.
Longstrider: The long-lost and long-forgotten James Bond movie, Longstrider. You speed up, but not as much as Expeditious Retreat, but it lasts longer. Keep both on hand if you really need to be able to outrun all your so-called friends. Which, let us be serious, of course you do. Rating: one rocking Shirley Bassey theme song out of far, far too many.
Mage Armor: Hey, if you're really into leather, that's fine; I'm not one to judge. But if you'd rather rock out in the pointy hat and the traditional Wizardly bathrobe, you're probably going to need this. Wake up, cast it, and forget it. See if you can convince the paladin that your magic only works if you're completely naked. Rating: Eight hours out of 24.
Magic Missile: If you can't cast this, you're not really a Wizard. I don't care what your diploma says. It's a Missile. Made out of Magic. It's a Magic Missile. Handy when you've lost your only d20. Rating: 1d4+1 out of three glowing darts.
Protection from Evil and Good: Does not actually protect anyone from evil or good, but still protects you from a bunch of things, which ain't bad. Most useful if you have or are that nerd in the party who knows the creature type of every monster. Less useful if no one can remember what sort a two-headed disease dog is. Rating: one good and one evil out of one good and evil.
Ray of Sickness: Whatever that Ray guy did, he sure is popular. Here, he's making people sick. So sick. So sick it's sick. Good if you need more pew-pew and less QQ, or if you really think necromancy is neat, or whatver. Rating: one sick ray out of a possible poisoning.
Shield: No, it's not a Magic Shield. I mean, it is, but we just call it Shield, because what sort of loser Wizard is running around with a shield shield? Not you. In any case, it's pretty much the best way to win the "Hey, I hit you!" "No, you didn't." "Yes I did!" "Nope!" argument. Unfortunately it means that you probably need to pay attention to what's going on even when it isn't your turn, which is kind of a drag. Rating: +5 out of a large wooden shield.
Silent Image: If you can't cast this, you're not really an Illusionist. If you can, maybe you're still not an Illusionist, but it's a pretty good start. Works pretty well if you've got a bard to give you a soundtrack. Works really well if that bard is a kenku, but he's probably not, because why would the bard be any good at anything. You can entertain a whole village of turnip farmers, especially if they're all deaf. Rating: A 15-foot cube out of ten minutes.
Sleep: Generally used in the final minute before Charm wears off so you can slip out the back door. Congratulations; you're now so intensely-boring that a mere six seconds of talking can make the entire jury pass right out. Gives you another reason to hate elves; they're just so... elvey. There's pretty much no chance that you're not going to have Sleep, so get used to adding up d8s. Rating: one elf out of a reverie.
Hideous Laughter: If there's one thing monsters love, it's someone who can make them laugh. You can't usually make them actually laugh to death, but try hanging out around the swimming pool. More commonly you'll ask the barbarian to get over there and, you know, tickle them. To death. Or at least carry them over to the edge of the cliff and drop them off. Rating: one heh out of a ho ho ho.
Floating Disk: Yo momma's so fat, she stepped on a Floating Disk and the spell ended. The best thing to do with the Disk is to ride around on it; you should have a custom-designed comfy chair purely for this purpose. And that's also about the only thing to do with it. Alright I guess the barbarian can put his millstone on it if he asks really nicely. Rating: 500 pounds out of a possible all yo mommas.
Thunderwave: Sometimes you just need a 'get the heck off me' spell, and that's what this one does. Probably more impressive than the aforementioned ball of thunder. Singing out "You've been... THUNDERSTRUCK" is more-or-less mandatory. Ask the barbarian to put all the furniture back later. Rating: 2d8 out of THUNDERSTRUCK.
Unseen Servant: Yes, ye of Noble backgrounds, there are servants who are actually seen -- this one you don't have to feel bad about ignoring, though. Back in the good old days this was Unseen Slave, but then the slave union got all involved, and so here we are. Pretty much inferior in every way to a real slave, I mean, servant, except morally, if you happen to care about that sort of thing. Still, moderately handy to have around if you're sentenced to 300 hours of community turnip-harvesting service. Rating: 2 Strength out of a possible so darn weak.
Witch Bolt: Good for setting up 'which bolt? Witch Bolt? which Witch bolt?' hilarious comedy routines. Also re-enacting all the best force lightning scenes from Star Wars. Start working on your Palpatine impression today; you'll need it. Pretty good if you need to take off for a minute to get some Mountain Dew -- 'yeah I keep doing the Witch Bolt thing just roll damage for me okay' -- but not quite as good if you like making decisions on your turn. Still, if you can find a better spell that can do 10d12 damage at first level, learn that one instead. Rating: One witch bolt out of why do you keep witch bolting yourself?
Cheers,
Roger
Alarm: In the unlikely event you have no friends that you can talk into taking the night watch, or the much more likely event that they're all terrible at keeping watch, this spell will keep you safe. Safe-ish. Alright it's better than taking a hobgoblin glaive to the face while you're snoring, is the deal here. It's a ritual you cast right before going to bed, so there's not really any good reason not to cast it. Unless your neighbours start complaining about your wagon alarm going off in the middle of the night all the time. Rating: one ping out of one ping only.
Burning Hands: You'll never convince the dirty turnip farmers that you're a real wizard unless you can shoot fire out of your hands and ignite their turnip cart, so this is a pretty solid choice. Sure, some day you'll be able to toss fire far enough away from your own body to be actually useful, but today isn't that day, so be happy with what you have. Dig this one out when an amphibian swallows you whole. Rating: flammable and inflammable.
Charm Person: Sometimes you need to convince that turnip farmer that, despite immolating his entire year's crop of turnips, you're actually a really swell guy. In theory you could rely on your winning personality, but there's probably a good reason you decided to major in Wizardry and not Bardic Sing-a-Longs, and so you cast this spell and everyone is happy. For a while. If you can't make your escape inside an hour, you're probably getting what you deserve. Unfortunately, you can't Charm just the top half of a centaur, but I wish you the best of luck in trying to convince your DM that you totally can. Use of this spell may result in legal problems; among the more-popular defenses are "I was just ensuring she wasn't a doppelganger!", "No, see, it was I who was Charmed, and that's why I cast the spell; it's all the witch's fault!" and "Behold! FIRE!" Rating: Several chanting and enchanting enchanters out of enchantments.
Chromatic Orb: Aren't we all hoity-toity -- back in my day we just called this the Color Ball, and we loved it. Do not taunt the Color Ball. It's, well, it's a ball of color. Unlikely to impress any but the most mundane of turnip farmers. They'd probably be more impressed by the diamond you're lugging around in order to cast this. Ask your local dwarven dentist if he can inset the diamond into one of your gold teeth -- it's a classy look. Anyway, you can pick a damage type that's appropriate to your theme. Even fire, if you want. Some might suggest that throwing a ball of fire ninety-feet down-range makes this some sort of, you know, fire ball, but those people are ignorant in the ways of magicalosity and should be ignored. Or throw a ball of thunder at them. They'll be all like, what? NO SERIOUSLY WHAAAAT I AM DEAF NOW. Rating: six damage types out of a possible ten.
Color Spray: I appreciate your restraint in not calling this Chromatic Effusion. So, yeah, more colors. An illusion, finally, for all our weirdo Illusionist friends. If you like rolling dice and sorting targets in ascending order, this is the spell for you. Also if you like poking people in the eyes with magic. It makes them blind -- well, no, not really; it's only illusory blindness. Explain this distinction carefully during the trial. Singing along to "She Blinded Me... WITH MAGIC!" is optional but highly-recommended. Rating: 6d10 eyeball pokes out of Thomas Dolby.
Comprehend Languages: Dropping out of Goblin 101 was clearly the right choice, as this gives you all the languages. And by give I mean you can understand them, but you can't say anything yourself; good for impressing your date with what a good listener you are. Okay I guess you could start uttering random phenomes and hope you hear yourself saying something like what you're trying to convey; I wish you the best of luck in trying to convince your DM that you totally can. Lasts for an hour, which is literally about how long your party will literally be arguing about what 'literal' means. Also a ritual, so yay, spending all that time learning how to cast rituals wasn't a total and complete waste of your afternoon. Rating: koof shaa goo rookuu.
Disguise Self: In the extremely-unlikely event that you end up wanted by local law enforcement, you may find this useful. Mostly so all the eyewitness accounts agree that someone matching your description was stabbing that beggar with a banana for some reason. Also gives you something to say to people in taverns after you're out of Charm Floozy and Comprehend Chit-Chat spells -- "Hey baby, want to disbelieve my pantaloons? Would you care to... physically interact with them?" Rating: several masters of disguise -- or is it just one?
Detect Magic: When the barbarian asks you if that thing over there is magical, it's a good idea to be able to do something more than shrug enigmatically and grunt. Sure, no one ever asks the bard to Detect Music, but that's why you get first stab at the good treasure. So, yeah, ritual; make the barbarian lug all the useless junk from the entire dungeon level into one room and pile it in a corner while you're doing all that impressive ritualistic magical stuff. See if you can convince him the two-hundred-pound millstone is definitely magical and there's no way he can afford to leave it behind. Rating: three feet of wood out of one inch of common metal.
Expeditious Retreat: It is, in fact, theoretically possible to use this spell for something other than retreat. You could deliver a pizza in 10 minutes or less, or outrun the village idiot. But you're pretty much always going to be running away, so it's either finding a slow friend you can outrun or this spell. Rating: one forrest out of a possible gump.
False Life: Hey kids you've probably heard that necromancy is pretty cool. But kids. Kids, necromancy is not cool. It's only temporarily cool. Like these temporary hit points. I guess this is good if you've managed to alienate the cleric, but next time maybe you should just sit quietly through his boring sermon. Rating: 1d4+4 out of a possible nope you're dead now.
Feather Fall: Mostly useful for convincing small children and gullible lovers to jump off a bridge with you, then personally avoiding all the consequences of your terrible moral code. I guess you could save them too, if that turned out to be a good idea for some reason. Not preparing this spell guarantees lots of pit traps, while conversely, if you have it ready then there won't be any. Everyone likes BASE jumping so it's an easy choice. Rating: 600 feet out of a 900 foot pit.
Find Familiar: First, have you tried looking behind the ottoman? Alright, fine, cast your spell. Here's your magical spirit fish companion. Hope you brought a bowl. Impress the turnip farmers by pulling a weasel out of your pointy hat. If you've got the spell, I guess you might as well cast it; if you don't, I wouldn't lose a lot of sleep over it. Rating: one sea horse out of a pocket dimension.
Fog Cloud: Recently voted as the effect least likely to impress a turnip farmer. Behold! FOG! Yeah, that's all it does. Sorry can't talk now; I'm concentrating. Concentrating on fog. Magic is mysterious. Eventually you can make a lot of fog, probably even enough to fill an entire courtroom. Rating: Foggy with occasional sunny breaks and a chance of concentration.
Grease: Does anyone really need an excuse to carry butter around with them everywhere they go? I know I don't. You can grease up your wizardly slip-and-slide or whatever. You can't grease up your pig or your barbarian, which may be for the best, but probably not. You never get better at greasing stuff up, no matter how many Wizard levels you take; this reflects pretty poorly on the state of Wizardly higher-education and will be addressed during my upcoming symposium. Rating: one small pat of butter out of a churn.
Identify: When your barbarian starts to have doubts about the two-hundred-pound millstone he's been carrying for the last 40 miles, you're going to want to have this spell handy. Also when the rogue starts gazing covetously at the oh-so-shiny boots sitting in the pile of booty. Tell them they need to all go away so as to not interfere with your ritual. Rub that pearl you've been keeping safe furiously. Think of something plausible to tell the barbarian and the rogue. You can do better than 'Boots of Wizardly Toe-Twinkling' if you put your mind to it. Rating: one potion of delusion out of a dozen super potions of super-heroinism.
Illusory Script: Great for those nascent graffiti artists who need the evidence against them to disappear in ten days. Surely you can pad out your trial at least that long. Also great for drawing on the barbarian's face when he passes out. Not quite as great for accomplishing anything remotely useful. Rating: (true believers)TERRIBLE(everyone else)FANTASTIC.
Jump: Jump? Might as well Jump. Go ahead, Jump. Good for making tavern bets that you can jump over the tavern. Cast it on yonder turnip farmer's donkey for an afternoon's entertainment. I don't think I've ever met a Wizard who loves jumping so darn much that they really need this spell, but I suppose there must be one out there. Rating: one back out of against a record machine.
Longstrider: The long-lost and long-forgotten James Bond movie, Longstrider. You speed up, but not as much as Expeditious Retreat, but it lasts longer. Keep both on hand if you really need to be able to outrun all your so-called friends. Which, let us be serious, of course you do. Rating: one rocking Shirley Bassey theme song out of far, far too many.
Mage Armor: Hey, if you're really into leather, that's fine; I'm not one to judge. But if you'd rather rock out in the pointy hat and the traditional Wizardly bathrobe, you're probably going to need this. Wake up, cast it, and forget it. See if you can convince the paladin that your magic only works if you're completely naked. Rating: Eight hours out of 24.
Magic Missile: If you can't cast this, you're not really a Wizard. I don't care what your diploma says. It's a Missile. Made out of Magic. It's a Magic Missile. Handy when you've lost your only d20. Rating: 1d4+1 out of three glowing darts.
Protection from Evil and Good: Does not actually protect anyone from evil or good, but still protects you from a bunch of things, which ain't bad. Most useful if you have or are that nerd in the party who knows the creature type of every monster. Less useful if no one can remember what sort a two-headed disease dog is. Rating: one good and one evil out of one good and evil.
Ray of Sickness: Whatever that Ray guy did, he sure is popular. Here, he's making people sick. So sick. So sick it's sick. Good if you need more pew-pew and less QQ, or if you really think necromancy is neat, or whatver. Rating: one sick ray out of a possible poisoning.
Shield: No, it's not a Magic Shield. I mean, it is, but we just call it Shield, because what sort of loser Wizard is running around with a shield shield? Not you. In any case, it's pretty much the best way to win the "Hey, I hit you!" "No, you didn't." "Yes I did!" "Nope!" argument. Unfortunately it means that you probably need to pay attention to what's going on even when it isn't your turn, which is kind of a drag. Rating: +5 out of a large wooden shield.
Silent Image: If you can't cast this, you're not really an Illusionist. If you can, maybe you're still not an Illusionist, but it's a pretty good start. Works pretty well if you've got a bard to give you a soundtrack. Works really well if that bard is a kenku, but he's probably not, because why would the bard be any good at anything. You can entertain a whole village of turnip farmers, especially if they're all deaf. Rating: A 15-foot cube out of ten minutes.
Sleep: Generally used in the final minute before Charm wears off so you can slip out the back door. Congratulations; you're now so intensely-boring that a mere six seconds of talking can make the entire jury pass right out. Gives you another reason to hate elves; they're just so... elvey. There's pretty much no chance that you're not going to have Sleep, so get used to adding up d8s. Rating: one elf out of a reverie.
Hideous Laughter: If there's one thing monsters love, it's someone who can make them laugh. You can't usually make them actually laugh to death, but try hanging out around the swimming pool. More commonly you'll ask the barbarian to get over there and, you know, tickle them. To death. Or at least carry them over to the edge of the cliff and drop them off. Rating: one heh out of a ho ho ho.
Floating Disk: Yo momma's so fat, she stepped on a Floating Disk and the spell ended. The best thing to do with the Disk is to ride around on it; you should have a custom-designed comfy chair purely for this purpose. And that's also about the only thing to do with it. Alright I guess the barbarian can put his millstone on it if he asks really nicely. Rating: 500 pounds out of a possible all yo mommas.
Thunderwave: Sometimes you just need a 'get the heck off me' spell, and that's what this one does. Probably more impressive than the aforementioned ball of thunder. Singing out "You've been... THUNDERSTRUCK" is more-or-less mandatory. Ask the barbarian to put all the furniture back later. Rating: 2d8 out of THUNDERSTRUCK.
Unseen Servant: Yes, ye of Noble backgrounds, there are servants who are actually seen -- this one you don't have to feel bad about ignoring, though. Back in the good old days this was Unseen Slave, but then the slave union got all involved, and so here we are. Pretty much inferior in every way to a real slave, I mean, servant, except morally, if you happen to care about that sort of thing. Still, moderately handy to have around if you're sentenced to 300 hours of community turnip-harvesting service. Rating: 2 Strength out of a possible so darn weak.
Witch Bolt: Good for setting up 'which bolt? Witch Bolt? which Witch bolt?' hilarious comedy routines. Also re-enacting all the best force lightning scenes from Star Wars. Start working on your Palpatine impression today; you'll need it. Pretty good if you need to take off for a minute to get some Mountain Dew -- 'yeah I keep doing the Witch Bolt thing just roll damage for me okay' -- but not quite as good if you like making decisions on your turn. Still, if you can find a better spell that can do 10d12 damage at first level, learn that one instead. Rating: One witch bolt out of why do you keep witch bolting yourself?
Cheers,
Roger
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